If Only,If Only,Baby...

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I don't know what to do anymore.

My mom and a few other family members are driving me mad. My mom says,"You'll never leave this house. You're too stupid and worthless!" A few of my remaining friends have offered me a place to stay when I turn 18 next month. However,there's alot of people in a small house and almost all them do drugs.

A bunch of my friends dumped me,saying I was too weird and creepy,and now I'm getting harrassed whenever I go out into public-partly because these people are telling "part truths and whole lies" about me and partly because I use a white cane because of my sight.

College life is too stressful for me. No one talks to me,and I've lost another 15% of my sight. I'm getting lost on campus now,and no one will help me.

Life isn't worth living anymore. It hasn't gotten better,it has gotten worse. ALOT worse. I'm already making arrangements for my death. I don't think I'll be posting here again unless I see fit or if I am helping someone with something over a PM. Please keep in mind,I'm not killing myself RIGHT NOW. This will be later. I'll probally wait a month.

Don't blame yourselves,because it wasn't your faults. Thanks for listening. Peace be with you.

Love Always,
SpaceCase

April 24,1990

Don' to do it.

Please don't... we love you!

Hang in there, we're here for you!

In this time please try and contemplate that suicide is permanent solution to a temporary problem. Even with AS and how overwhelming life can be for us, things can and generally do get better. It is quite likely that this time in your life you need to make great changes, and that that if you can pass this time, you will be stronger, wiser and more fortified to face the world.

You are in my thoughts.

Please don't do it. However you feel about things now please remember it would be a terrible waste to end things. Think about getting some professional help if you feel like this.

18, your own disability income, time to become yourself without the agravations of others, and you can and do help others here.

So far, all you say is about others, home, school, locals.

There are other ways of leaving that past behind.

Give becoming yourself a chance, and consider the good you do here.

Here you are liked and valued. It is something.

Your mother is wrong. I can tell by the way you type that you're an intelligent person with much promise and potential. If you ARE creepy... that's okay.

Please don't kill yourself. They would've won.

- D

I'm creepy too. I perform a vital creep based role in the universe. I need all the help I can get.

I Don't want you to go. Please don't.

SpaceCase, you really do need to move out. It sounds like even a group home, if you can't find your own place or Social Services can't find you one, would be waaaay better than where you are. You can always visit your family when you feel like it and leave when they treat you like s**t. Do you still have your brother as a good friend? Can you two try to work something out for your mother, like getting her help without scaring her or something? Or maybe you just need to spike her food for a while with antidepressants; I don't know; she seems like the kind of person who is "perfectly normal and fine and doesn't need help". But she so does.

Has anybody heard from her at all???

SpaceCase,
get someone to contact social services now rather than wait,with all problems going on they should get out of there and into somewhere else.
if need too much support,they will have group home or residential places,or if hf enough will give part support in own place.
the nasty are not worth death,they are worth fighting against and staying alive,once out of there and used to being somewhere else,will find it easier and better not living in abuse.

You've got to hang in there, and stay strong.

sorry to hear about your troubles. if your life is that bad and you think being dead would be better go for it, obviously thats not what i would do but i understand. ive ponderd commiting suicide before, ive always been able to talk myself out of it though

This happened maybe a month ago, too, and no one would contact her family. I have no idea how.