Have I gone crazy?

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I was depressed again last night, but something happened that has never happened before. Something inside me just snapped. It was while I was watching Sweeney Todd (which was awesome). I think it was the elements of love and tragedy. It was like all of my frustrations hit me at once. At that point, I wanted to get up and start tearing stuff up but I was able to stop myself since I was at my grandmother's house, if I was in my room I doubt I could have. I was able to watch the rest of the movie but after the movie was over I started thinking about my feelings again and I just started laughing for no reason. Since then I've had random bouts of laughter, at first it was loud maniacal laughter but now it's down to chuckling. I think it's starting to pass but what does this mean? What happened to me? I hope this is nothing more than a new way to deal with depression.

From what I am hearing you should not worry to much. When you are depressed and an aspie a lot of tension builds up in your body. For some reason the movie made a crack in the dam you usually have there. And well... if the dam breaks things start going fast. With a bit of luck you are able to release some tension this way and you might even feel better (don't expect miracles ofcourse).

Did that the otherday.

Busted up a keyboard thats been angering me off and of with the fact its slowly failing (now using my laptop as I don't have another keyboard that will work with that box) and stabbed the hell out of a pillow with a pair of scissors. Main problem is that my problems can only be solved with time and I'm not willing to wait because one should not have to wait for things such as mine.

Hmmm... ofcourse you might want to control the violence part. You'll keep feeling bad if you destroy anything of real (personal) value. Punching a pillow is a fairly harmless way or otherwise make sure there is stuff you can destroy without trouble (f.i. who needs a phonebook with internet nowadays).

I have used hitting my upperlegs... make sure you don't go there! Laughing is better...

I don't think my dam has completely broken because I still have control. I do however need some means of releasing some of this tension. I don't think laughing will be enough, I may try punching a pillow or something.

The best way for me is to talk to someone who really feels what I mean. That or act crazy on some chat somewhere on the internet. Unluckily the only person I know who really understands me is not so stable herself and I can't flood her with everything I want to know.

About the dam thing: no, that can't be broken in one try, you'd probably really go crazy then . It will be broken bit by bit. You will probably have this more often (okay, I am guessing since I don't really know you, it sounds familiar though).

Actually you're spot on. I actually had the thought that my barrier (or dam) was weakening and now I'm worried that it will continue to chip away until it gives way completely. I don't know what will stop that from happening.

Social _Fantom,

You are doing really well. You've identified a problem and are reaching out for help. This is a good sign.

It sounds like you are suffering from anxiety. One of the symptoms/signs of anxiety is feeling like you are going crazy.

I'm not Aspie, but have suffered depression and anxiety in the past.

Every now and then my anxiety symptoms will make a brief appearance. In the past I became scared and anxious about my anxiety, which of course made me more anxious!

Now when anxiey symptoms reappear I use logic to try to work out what's happening.

Social-Fantom, depression and anxiety are common co-morbidities.

A good book I read was called 'Anxiety for Dummies'. Can you borrow it from your local library?

Helen

In most people I know the dam didn't give away all at once, so don't worry to much. In the end it will have to go completely if you really want to be okay. Believe me a barrier can be replaced by a bit of selfconfidence. You don't have to give up all defences, just the ones that make your tension build up. The only really hard thing is you really need the right people around you to make this work.

I stopped telling my best friend a lot of things, shes told me being negative all the time isn't pleasing to her or anyone else and is very understanding about my various situations and I don't want to bog her down with my crap. Therapists have never helped me and my parents don't care enough to fix the underlying problems as they essentially cause them.

Overly complicated, could write a novel but won't. My advice to you my friend is deal with it before it gets to my level, once you're there the dam gets rebuilt but its made of cheap fabric.

Thanks for the advice everyone, I'm somewhat back to normal now but I have no idea how I'm going to keep my dam from breaking. I guess only time will tell.