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wblastyn
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04 Apr 2008, 5:41 pm

I was at a friend's birthday party tonight, and as usual I just sat in the corner and didn't say much. I'm usually worried in these situations in case people don't want me there because I don't contribute much to the conversation, but thought everyone would be ok with me being so quiet because most of the people there have a BSc psychology, and some of them work with children with AS. But apparantly one of these individuals was complaining about me being too quiet, and that they thought it was rude. It made me feel depressed and felt as thought it confirmed my initial fears. I also thought psychologists of all people would be more accepting, but apparantly not.

So basically I feel pretty worthless, like no one will accept me for who I am.



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04 Apr 2008, 5:48 pm

Psychology basically says someone studies a subject, not understand it per se. If they don't understand you it is basically their problem. No person is worthless or any of that s**t. It is just harder for some people to find other interesting ones. I have been named an optimist, but as someone finding a first girlfriend at 25 I can say some people should find you interesting...



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04 Apr 2008, 6:35 pm

Me, I'm always more worried about the insults I don't hear than the ones I do. But even when I hear them, it still doesn't feel good (I am very worried of what people say about me when I'm not there). Honestly thoughI think you might have the right idea about staying quiet when you don't know what to talk about. Most of the time, I just start blurting out random stuff off the top of my head. Sometimes it works and I enjoy moments of great social success. Then again, most of the time it doesn't work and people just stare at me or sometimes even scold me (that pisses me off). Luckily, most people tend to remember the few gems I say rather than the loads of crap, so I'm generally liked. Although staying quiet does have its advantages.


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Zsazsa
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04 Apr 2008, 7:07 pm

wblastyn wrote:
I was at a friend's birthday party tonight, and as usual I just sat in the corner and didn't say much. I'm usually worried in these situations in case people don't want me there because I don't contribute much to the conversation, but thought everyone would be ok with me being so quiet because most of the people there have a BSc psychology, and some of them work with children with AS. But apparantly one of these individuals was complaining about me being too quiet, and that they thought it was rude. It made me feel depressed and felt as thought it confirmed my initial fears. I also thought psychologists of all people would be more accepting, but apparantly not.

So basically I feel pretty worthless, like no one will accept me for who I am.



Why should you care what others think? You cannot control what people say and do but you can control your response to such
insensitive people. Learn to look on the bright side of life.



CockneyRebel
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04 Apr 2008, 10:56 pm

I used to be the exact same way. I used to go some place, because I didn't want them to say anything bad, about me. One such place was school, when I was seventeen. I don't worry about what people say about me, when I'm absent, anymore. I hope that things improve with you, soon. You're always welcome, at The Haven.


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larsenjw92286
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05 Apr 2008, 10:02 am

I hope things improve with you soon!


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Ana54
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05 Apr 2008, 4:50 pm

Anyone who calls you worthless is worthless themselves. As for them calling you rude, maybe you should have told them you were AS and maybe they would have shut up or something... :)



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05 Apr 2008, 5:17 pm

wblastyn wrote:
I was at a friend's birthday party tonight, and as usual I just sat in the corner and didn't say much. I'm usually worried in these situations in case people don't want me there because I don't contribute much to the conversation, but thought everyone would be ok with me being so quiet because most of the people there have a BSc psychology, and some of them work with children with AS. But apparantly one of these individuals was complaining about me being too quiet, and that they thought it was rude. It made me feel depressed and felt as thought it confirmed my initial fears. I also thought psychologists of all people would be more accepting, but apparantly not.

So basically I feel pretty worthless, like no one will accept me for who I am.


You are worth more topic

I used to think only NTs misunderstood me. Now I know even Aspies are capable of this. Some of us are a little more enigmatic than others and this might bother certain individuals. You and I may be more deep than others, and I like to think we are so deep that many persons cannot see into our depths. Indeed, what is that at the bottom? Is it weird? Let 'em guess! :lol:


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TheMidnightJudge
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05 Apr 2008, 9:56 pm

Yeah, it seems parties sucks for most aspies, that's the way it is. Don't let it get to you, life is a lot more than parties.



Brittany2907
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06 Apr 2008, 4:13 am

wblastyn wrote:
I was at a friend's birthday party tonight, and as usual I just sat in the corner and didn't say much. I'm usually worried in these situations in case people don't want me there because I don't contribute much to the conversation, but thought everyone would be ok with me being so quiet because most of the people there have a BSc psychology, and some of them work with children with AS. But apparantly one of these individuals was complaining about me being too quiet, and that they thought it was rude. It made me feel depressed and felt as thought it confirmed my initial fears. I also thought psychologists of all people would be more accepting, but apparantly not.

So basically I feel pretty worthless, like no one will accept me for who I am.


- "A wise man says a few words with great meaning, inspires others and gets them to think. An idiotic man says many words without a purpose, wasting more time and ones own breath,".

I just made that quote up...but I hope you get the point of it.

Just because someone is a psychologist, it doesn't mean that they will be accepting of you. Just because someone knows about AS, it doesn't mean that either.
Try not to worry about the comment that was made about you. People who make comments like that aren't really trying to insult you - they are simply afraid of what they don't know. It's true, some people don't know how to be quiet!
Anyway, my point being, leave this comment in the past...or take it as a learning experience. Not a learning experience in that you have to change...but a learning experience in knowing that not all people appreciate others for who they are.
Accept what the person said, put it in the back of your mind and continue living each day the way that YOU want to. Don't live by others expectations, or pressure them on yourself.

Freedom is the ability to be ones self without fear of rejection. :)


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northern_light_girl
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08 Apr 2008, 9:51 am

wblastyn wrote:
I was at a friend's birthday party tonight, and as usual I just sat in the corner and didn't say much. I'm usually worried in these situations in case people don't want me there because I don't contribute much to the conversation, but thought everyone would be ok with me being so quiet because most of the people there have a BSc psychology, and some of them work with children with AS. But apparantly one of these individuals was complaining about me being too quiet, and that they thought it was rude. It made me feel depressed and felt as thought it confirmed my initial fears. I also thought psychologists of all people would be more accepting, but apparantly not.

So basically I feel pretty worthless, like no one will accept me for who I am.


You are not worthless honey! Maybe I'm mistaken, but from your post I understand they didn't know you have AS, right? From what I know...at parties NT people expect some kind of interraction, even minimal. That's how NTs define a party..a way to bring a group together and share ideas and hopefully a good time. Nothing wrong with that. So maybe these people just felt like you didn't think much of them, since you didn't give them attention and talk to them? This could have been their PERCEPTION, not knowing anything about you.

Imo, when I meet a new person, a stranger, ANYONE new...I'm a bit tense. By learning even a little bit about them -name, what they do...minimal stuff...I become more at ease in their company. And when I tell them my name and who I am...they become less tense too. They're not...strangers anymore. They're Ana or Mike or John...

You say you're usually worried in these situations. You're worried even before the party? Even before any interraction? Well, make a conscious effort to stop focusing on these worries, replace them from your mind with postive thoughts about something else. Hopefully this way you're more relaxed when arriving at a party. And why sit in the corner, separating yourself from the group? Do what others there do...even if you keep quiet...if you're among them, at least you'll appear to listen. And if you actually listen, you might become interested in something and say something too. But no pressure. Everyone is different. And sometimes this might work and help you feel more at ease..other times it won't. Depends on the people :) It's really not your fault if they're in a bad disposition or just plain ignorant or drunk and mean. But sometimes, even at parties, there are some good people who would LOVE to hear your perspective on what's being discussed. Please relax a bit more! Don't be so hard on yourself!

Have a great day!