0 Social life aspies

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After running into a couple blogs from ex-classmates from years ago - and getting depressed - I began wondering about the divide between the kind of social life they enjoy (and to an extent boast) and the life somebody with 0 friends, etc - I'm not sure if I'm the only one in this forum aspie or not.

First thing that comes to mind is that these people did not seem too different like. . . 10 years ago. In fact, I couldn't have cared less about them. One of them was so jealous of anyone who stole or could steal his spotlight he was terrible to have around - very arrogant at it BTW. (example omitted)
Not having any friends didn't seem to me to make a big difference as I still got to go out sometime, I did well in class, my special interests were kinda on the right track. . . IMO, I was better off.

A few things happened - things that have nothing to do with these people - and my social life became nought for real. I eventually graduated and - no one seems to know why - but I failed to get a job. . . for like two years. Then I got jobs that were downright horrid - and got mobbed. At the same time, whenever I found about former school or uni classmates they were all doing great in whatever they wanted, locally or abroad. This lasted for almost two more years by the end of which my capacity to make eye contact or carry a conversation had been reduced to a minimum.
As of late, as I'm not busy defending myself from co-workers grabbing my throat or setting my stuff on fire (literally), I found the time to track random names from the past - people of various distinctive traits I thought would be interesting to know about.
The kind of thing I've found is that, over the past decade, whenever I was having Christmas alone (family problems) so and so was, say, celebrating it with friends in the caribbean (photo with text explaing how is that so many chicks dig him or something like that). . . or. . . while I was receiving death threats from internet people even crazier/dumber than I so and so was getting married. . . and so on. . .

As in itself shocking as it is to feel onself a failure, I began to ponder on the grounds in which I was assessing that difference - whether that difference had always been there, whether that difference had mattered in the past and why should it matter now, whether it was meaningful at all, whether I should even allow it to be meaningful in light of the kind of life I once thought I was meant to live, whether should I just give in to envy like some of them often did in the past over pitiful things or whether should I try to be happy for them, whether I even wanted any of it to change. . . I scanned myself for various feelings.
I imagined; what if, suddenly, I was invited to one of those parties - by whoever I disliked the least. . . Would that solve anything? It would be of no use. I wouldn't know what to do. Last time I was at a party at someone's house was when I was under 12 years old and still ended up on a corner watching everything in incommunication-angst. That's the divide.

Another thing I ask myself: Do these people notice this difference? As loser is too stupid a term and people only really use it to brag or hurt others - do they think I must be mentally ret*d for being like this? I know they most likely don't care but once a female ex-classmate called out my name on the street: her voice sounded like a mixture of surprise, indignation and pity.

Don't underestimate the value of pity from a woman

Anyway, yeah I feel you. Sometimes I look around and see ugly, abusive, drugged up, headcases somehow finding some stupid woman to put up with their nonsense and friends to cheer them on and I wonder what the hell am I doing wrong.

It's frustrating.

Like have made exactly the "wrong" decisions, all the way. Whenever judgement was called for made "wrong"/minimalist/least socially coded for one one. Because very little made sense, because so much seemed like incomprehensible unnecessary illogical waffle/fuss/complication chose the simplest option, short term, over and over again.
Until have almost nothing that "normal" people have. Me too have wondered, "so what happened?". Massive divergence.

Social lives are worthless, what is so good about them? I see no point in busting my a$$ for one.

bump for great justice (And discussion)

I can relate a lot. It bothers me to see my old friends grown up with families. It isn’t that I really want a family since by nature I’m not interested in sex. It’s more that it feels like those things are the expected norm. That’s almost more depressing than loneliness itself.

My biggest problem is determining whether I should care or not. I sometimes feel like the process of forming relationships is something that is expected of me rather than something I seek for my own gain. Most other people I know seem to have an innate desire to form social relationships, even with very superficial acquaintances. I don’t have this desire at all. I’m plenty lonely and crave some form of intellectual intimacy, yet it’s so hard to anticipate any attempt I make coming to fruition. I always fear that any relationship I make won’t be adequately stimulating.

Here’s another problem I have. I can’t differentiate how much of my issue is due to genuine lack of social skills and how much is due to lack of motivation. These two issues are so intricately intertwined in my case that I can’t even tell the difference. The less motivated I get the easier it is to forget to do the things that are expected of me socially.

I just need a couple of real friends and I am happy . Having alot of friends is overrate in my opinion anyway. Be happy with who you are and stop worriyng about what your other friends have.

These days I figure there's people who can't see, and people who can't walk, and people who can't have relationships with other people.

Just one of those things, just reality. Explanations and reasons are secondary.

The guy I work for told me about a friend of his from years ago. His friend was blind and sold peanuts. He loved classical music. He used to say, "I'm glad I'm blind and not deaf."

I see the divide as having moved beyond a point of not being able to fit in society at large again.

[rant removed]

So the divide is - I feel I'm falling apart as a person; the social void taking over other areas of my life like a cancer. I'm a collection of shames, if anything. That's the reason I can't and could never truly socialize in grad school; I had nothing to talk about - my job was a shame and the rest of my time was spent trying to heal the pain from being bullied almost as bad as in primary school (with the added pain and humilliation of being an adult). . . .but I was supposed to socialize to further my career! Another failure, another shame. . .
If I were to take a girl out. Where would I take her? I don't know any place. I can barely even sustain a conversation.
. . .having to choose between hiding that I don't even get to celebrate my own birthday - not even with my family - or spiralling further down into isolation; lying to be liked by people I shouldn't myself like as the only possible reprieve.
Same thing with work interviews. What did I do in my pasts jobs? I copied and pasted numbers while random people treated me worse than a dog. That's as far as my professional achievements go; gonna be 30 before I know it and I don't see this getting any better. What do I do in my free time? I post in a forum about autism trying to figure out what am I and whether it'll stop hurting.

It was fun when I was 17; it was still kind of weird and intriguing when I was 21. . . This stopped making me laugh long ago.