does this mean I am co-dependant?

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Granted we live together, and currently our venue is shut down and our truck is broken and we are kinda isolated...and sort of an isolationist couple...Flakey is the only one i can really talk to and have a comfortable bond with...Anywhoo....

Last night I went ahead and decided to go street busking at his encouragement, and he said he would catch up with me later.
I actually had a pretty profitable night...(i sing and play ukulele and kazoo)

Anywhoo....um....instead of catching up with me, he ended up going off with his ex-girlfriend and her new boyfriend to some party in a nearby town... He also sorta lied about it....

He will frequently omit the fact that he is with her....this happened just the other night as well...I was held up across town and he went to dinner with them...

This particular ex-girlfriend is the same one he cheated on me with for 4 months a while back.
There is nothing I can do to prevent him from still talking to her....but he, like me, doesn't
have many friends, and lately he has sorta befriended his floozy's new boyfriend (almost half his age..same as the floozy)...and lately whenever he says he is doing something with him...that means he is actually off doing things with him AND his ex-girlfriend... ....who I CANNOT STAND...and NEVER want to see again...

Anyway....so I was out busking and all alone...and when I call Flakey and find out that he is at a party in another town with his ex-girlfriend and her boyfriend, I got really really upset..and then he stopped answering his phone, so I kept calling and leaving really mean messages on has voicemail....(bacause I was angry)
For one thing, the fact that the floozy has a boyfriend was constantly brought up as an excuse/reason/proof that he was not cheating on me with her, when in fact he was....months ago (different boyfriend)....so why couldn't that happen again?

For another thing...um...I get really nervous about Flakey riding around in some small texas town with these drunk/druggy kids who are always messed up on something or other..(i think they are no longer minors, but barely past)....Were they to get pulled over or in an accident...all the efforts that we have put into trying to get our new location open would fly completely out the window....If he winds up in jail or worse....

For another thing, I have a feeling that whenever he encourages me to go out and do things on my own, he does so as a way to get rid of me so that he can hang out with his other firends.

I understand that it must be difficult for him to be around one person all the time (me)...and I hate that I have to be so strongly affected when he makes plans to go off and do things with other people....
I just feel so alone...I don't have other people who I can go off with....and when I do go things by myself, then that just means he is going to go off with his friends... ...who I have a pretty strong and particular reason for not liking.

When I am feeling really angry, i wish that I could just leave so that he can get away with doing whatever the hell he wants without it affecting me.
I left him once a couple of years ago (for somebody else )after kinda experiencing a sort of breakdown compounded by the fact that he was always wanting to pressure me into being open to polyamorous relationships (where he is in control)..and he would frequently get drunk and flirt with other women....and slept with at least one of them....blah blah....

He was devastated when I left and did all this stuff to get me back....and to this day he holds the fact that I left him over my head...and used that as an excuse as to why he cheated on me for months and months...but shouldn't he just be happy that i came back at all, if he wanted it so badly?

In general our relationship is really good (depite all this) we get along really really well...
More than anything I am angry at myself for getting upset whenever he goes out with his ex-girlfriend and her boyfriend.

Hmm, perhaps leave him or pretend to and see how he reacts to that, and maybe spy on him and see where he goes and what he says and does? You shouldn't have to worry about never finding anyone better for you than him, and being alone if you rock the boat with him. Is there any way you can stimulate him so that he doesn't want to go off with those other people without you anymore?

I think alot of relationships start off co-dependent, as a way to pay the rent and grocery's, with some people thats how it ends.
Its not right of him getting you to go out busking so he can party it up with an ex, its very obvious that he is still very interested in her, it would be for the best to dump him just for being uncaring and immature, its shouldn't be your responsibility to feed and house him. From seeing all your posts, you seem to have alot more going for you. I should add., my little sister is in a weird relationship for the past 14 years with a bisexual man, they don't have a sexual relationship, they just share the rent grocery's and thats it, I with my sister would have dumped the creep after bring his boyfriends home

Is it possible to maintain a partnership with Flakey but dissolve the relationship? I guess, I mean that I know it takes the both of you to keep SHFL what it is (the intimate familiarity you have with each other and the commitment both of you have for SHFL), so will there be a need to sacrifice the relationship so that it doesn't damage the artistic partnership? Strictly as an artistic partnership, boundaries would be more clear. I think co-dependency happens when boundaries are blurred and relationships (if not healthy) can erase boundaries making it difficult for one to admit to crossing the line or to accuse one of doing so.

Both of you need each other, that seems obvious to me, but both of you also need space. A unique relationship such as the both of ya'lls may not allow for much space, but an artistic partnership allows for it.

I do understand that I have an outside-looking-in perspective (compounded with the requisite aspie detachment and naivete), but I do believe in what you and Flakey are doing with SHFL and would hate to see you, Flakey, or SHFL suffer under lots of strain. All things pass, but I hope a good solution makes itself available and sticks around for a long time.

Flakey was pretty apologetic once he finally woke up..(after staggering in at 7 this morning or so )
i am not angry with him on the surface (have trouble with attaching myself to my emotions)...but still kinda eaten up with frustration.

Our relationship is not simple...we do have a creative partnership and we run this venue together and emotionally/romanticly we are really close (despite all the crap we have been through)...and there is no way of seperating the two.
We are bound to the venue and to the fact that both of our parents have sunk alot of money into the place
(i have repeatedly told him that it would be pretty crappy of him to cheat on me after getting so much money from my folks )
And he insists that is currently not cheating on me..but he does not promise that he will never do it again.
(his favorite relationship model to bring up is Frida Kahlo and Diego Rivera )

I guess I really do need to make the (difficult) effort to bond with other people and just get used to the fact that nothing will prevent Flakey from doing exactly what he wants to do.
Maybe he will think the better of things once I have found other people to hang out with instead of him.
i don't want to play romantic/mind games...and whatnot...it does not come easy for me.
It is so hard to find people that I am comfortable around..
I am plagued with black and white thinking, coupled with emotional immaturity, insecurity, low self-esteem....etc...all of which contribute to my difficulty with not being a 'draconian monogamist"

Anyway...I am gonna go play an open mic tonight, and Flakey expresses a reluctance to go.

I asked him if that meant he was gonna go off with his druggy teen friends...he says "not neccesarily" which probably means yes.

I just have to practice "not caring"

He has been very sweet all evening. I did go to the open mic. He did not go off with his friends. He did make one joke about being halfway to Dallas which I took literally when I called...but he has indicated that he does care about me and our relationship...I feel bad about using a public forum to make my boyfriend out to be some kinda monster...there are many much worse people in the world, some of whom I have dated. It is rare to find two people who are as compatable as we are.

He sounds like a monster to me, but that's to do with one's point of view, and what one finds as reprehensible (see: cheating and lying to you); my father was the same.

Codependent means you rely on said individual for purpose and self-worth, and the individual who you're in a relationship with is dependent on you for you force them to be dependent on you, whether passively or aggressively; this builds one's purpose, i.e., I look after this person, and they need me. Even though the person in question is making the other "need" them with force.

"Attached" is probably the word you're looking for.

not a monster...just an a**hole....a very duplicitous a**hole...we spend so much time getting along....and then he goes behind my back the minute I am not looking

i just got a car yesterday.

at least I have motivation to learn to drive it

need to find job....need to learn to drive horror-death-trap on wheels...need to move out

He is an idiot!

He has this nasty little habit of leaving while I am asleep and not telling me where he is going.
He knows I hate this. I hate waking up and finding him gone and not knowing where he is.

I beg and beg him (practicly every night before I go to sleep) to please not do it...and he did it again, and would not answer his stinking phone for over an hour.
He says he is with Floozy's boyfriend. I told him to prove it, but he could not.

it stinks...i feel very alone..and it is so easy for him to wash things over with me...because i am so stinking gullible.

sometimes, you can make a series of true statements about a relationship that shows only one part of it-- that shows only a monster, for example.

The fact that it doesn't show the whole story doesn't mean it wasn't true.

My best friend of seven years, closest person to me in the whole wide world, more like family than my actual family, was also my abusive ex-boyfriend. We haven't had any contact for over a year, and that was one of the best changes I've ever made. Making it entailed hurting people who didn't deserve it, and made me feel like I didn't deserve to eat.

It was still one of the best changes I've ever made, though I wish I would have made it differently.

mad mad mad

he has got some serious mental issues.

I am sorta stuck where I am...

Wish I had more friends.

All he does is lie and lie and lie and lie to me.

My parents have given us thousands of dollars....AND now a car (yesterday)....and he just blows it....

I hate him right now.

had a bf cheat and lie about it for three yrs (the entirety of our relationship)... it wasn't until i broke up with him over my suspicions about that as well as other things... that he told me all about it cause we were being friends at that point. shortly after that, i moved... and surprise! i haven't kept contact with him. i feel much better for it too. people amaze me sometimes.

He is a control freak.
He will not let me escape if he can help it.