Just really depressed recently.. and don't know why!

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I am really upset at the moment, I have been for quite some time.

First of all, if I can take a moment of your time, I am going to tell you what happened when I was 13. I was at school, doing perfectly well, when my grandma died suddenly.. overnight, literally. Then because I didn't want to go to school, I was diagnosed with AS, and homeschooled for a while (which was much better than going to public school, I can tell you!).. Basically everything blew up in my face, all at once, and caused me to become really really depressed. I didn't understand my diagnosis, I couldn't talk to my grandma for support because she was dead (and I was really too young to deal with it) and my parents and my brother didn't understand.

I was referred to my doctor - the psycologist - and he said my mental health was literally shattered, and that even though I was ok now I could get depressed at ANY TIME for NO REASON in the future. That was 3 years ago, and I thought I was ok, but obviously not...

Now back to the present:

- My brother and parents have been pissing me off big time recently. They think they know what is best for me, and they don't. They really don't.
They have sent me to a horrible place called 'Farleigh' - it's a specialist college (more like kindergarten ) for young people with AS. They think it's the only place left for me, where I can live. They say if I don't stay there, they will kick me out of the house. I don't know what to do anymore. It's a horrible place, I'm really depressed and getting more depressed by the minute. I feel like the only way I can solve my problems, even temporarily, is by cutting my wrists. It's really sad, I know, and it's getting to the point where I am having suicidal thoughts and planning ways to kill myself.
This is exactly how I felt when I was 13 years old... I need help.. I really do. Otherwise who knows what's going to happen to me. I'm just going to crawl under a rock and die, and nobody will even care.

Help me. I really don't know what to do.
*cries*

How was the diagnosis carried out? Do you remember? Do you see a psychologist? I assume you do since you are in this "special college". Ask them to go through another diagnosis - or has this diagnosis been met several times over with the same results?

Well.. I think I can remember parts of it.
Basically... my mum and dad were getting worried that I didn't want to go into school, so they got the Local Education Authority involved and the LEA said if they didn't get a legitimate reason from the doctor why I COULDN'T go into school, they'd arrest my parents because my parents are the ones responsible for getting me to go aren't they?...

So mum and dad took me to the hospital, where the doctor asked me some questions and then wrote a report..
He rang my mum and dad and said, 'We'd like to see katie again, we're worried about her mental health.. she just seemed to stare and say nothing when i asked her the questions...'
And yeah... that lead to loads more appointments and then eventually a diagnosis.. I didn't get it at the time, I didn't understand...

I don't see a psychologist... I see a counsillor at the moment, but maybe if my depression gets worse I will start seeing a psychologist again.

And no, the diagnosis hasn't been carried out 'multiple' times.. it was 5 years ago... I'm thinking of getting the doctor to re-assess me, because I am nothing like the people at the college.. I am waaaaaay more independant!

I don't understand really.. I'm confused!

Katie,

Asperger's is a spectrum and the functioning level of people differs.

Also, you are female and I'm guessing most of the students at your school are male. Males mature much, much slower than females. (This is my polite way of saying many teenage boys - NT and Aspie - are moronic as teenagers, but they eventually grow up!)

Please do not harm yourself. It sounds like you you are suffering major clinical depression. I have suffered this in the past. The feelings of wanting to harm yourself are temporary and will pass.

There is help for your depression. Please go and see a teacher at school so you can get some help.

((((BIG HUG))))

Helen

Oh my, things sound really tough for you right now. I wish I could fly in and pull off a daring rescue of you.