Stupid, Stupid Father!! ! (no kids please)

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I hate him so much!! !! !! !!
He won't admit that he did anything wrong, though he verbally abused me and was getting EXTREMELY close (touching me down there) to sexually abusing me.
He hardly ever pays child support, he is living this fanstasy life with a new wife and a new daughter, and he blames everything on my mom and I!
What did I do? I was a little girl! How the hell was I supposed to protect myself from a f***ing jerk like him!
I can't get over it, even though it's been 5 years!
I'm so angry and confused. I loved him, and he hurts me? What kind of sense does that make?!?
I asked him to go to therapy, and we could start clean. He refused. He abandoned me!
I was suicidal a half an hour ago, and now I'm not, as I can't give him the last bit of power I have.
He controls my every thought, even though he doesn't talk to me anymore!
How do I get over my OWN FATHER hurting me like this!

First of all, do you think you'll ever see him again?

If he won't do therapy with you, go alone. Start taking steps to leave him behind as soon as you can. Meanwhile, avoid him as much as possible. A father is a protector, not a predator.

Is he abusing the new daughter?

Her mom may be in deep denial. Have you told your mom what happened?

I'm sorry to hear that Ebec. I didn't know it was that bad. I was raised by an alcoholic father and a co-dependant mother. Although he's quit and changed his behavior, it did leave a lot of baggage behind. Slowly things have been changing for the best however.

I don't know what to say in your case. What he did in general is wrong and excuse me for saying this but it sounds like he should've gone to jail for something such as that. Don't let your father take that power from you.

I wonder how his other family is dealing with that. I can't really imagine. As for me, I had to go to Al-anon and family counseling. It helped along with AA meetings since I ended up making the same mistakes. I'm really sorry about your case. I know none of that goes away. Some ppl suffer with this damage for years along with PTSD. I would try to find what help is available out there and you came to this site for support which was the right thing to do. You can also call your local police dispatcher for resources regarding what you've been through for support groups, hotlines information, and help. Good luck.

If the court battle is about custody, then you should be old enough to choose who to live with. That was the way it was with me and my three siblings.

I've been verbally abused for 11 years by my former stepfather up until he abandoned the family as soon as I left for college. Also, my own father began to attack my mom during the nasty divorce from my former step father. My father abandoned my siblings and I when I was only 7 years old. He finally came back temporarily into our lives when I was a freshman in high school. Recently, though, we lost touch with our dad, especially after he got remarried. Right now, he's pretty much a deadbeat dad who owes my mom about $60,000 in back child support. As for my former step father, during the divorce he verbally attacked my mom and my siblings in nasty emails. He was also quite delusional in his words as well. Over the year of the divorce, I wanted to kill the man for what he was doing to my family. After a while, I held those thoughts back until I began having nightmares about the verbal abuses. Finally, I had a vision about how he was really doing after the divorce was final and I was left with no choice but to forgive the man and move on, for I'll probably never see him again.

It isn't custody (he doesn't even want me), it's money
He paid very little child support, refused to let me use his dental plan (though I was ON it), and won't pay a cent for my education. My mom isn't all that rich (comparing to him - he has a HUGE house and three cars!) and has struggled to stay off welfare because of him!

No, you have every right to get this off your chest. It's just that I already have, since I forgave the man. With that man gone, unfortunately, 2/3 of our income was cut and we lost our medical insurance. We struggle with money off and on, but we are moving on, walking with God, and trying to make the best of what we have.

Everyone has things that bother them. Don't feel bad for saying what is on your mind, telling someone is always helpful. There are a lot of people here that would be glad to listen. I hope you feel better soon.

ebec11: I also just cannot process pain....too much. I am sorry - and you did nothing wrong. Ever. I am nonplussed as to your father's inexucable behavior. He has no right to hurt you! Why are certain humans just plain cruel? This is evil, plus he won't even account for his own behavior. I don't know enough words to say how much this should never have happened to you (or anyone).

For me, the pain process is slow.....I just cannot understand why another would feel justified in harming an innocent. I think you can call protective services and report your father anonymously if you even suspect he's hurting the new child. Protect the child! Then I think you'll feel better than you made it stop.

I know you can never forget what happend ebec11. I always have tried to convince myself that this sort of thing just makes me stronger. Well, maybe. It's a defining part of your development, for sure. Still - I am so sad for you. Please treat yourself well, ebec11.

My father died when I turned 12 after a serious 4 year long illness, then I had no parents. I sometimes, from seemingly out of nowhere, get sharp 'orphan pains.'

All I can really say is you did nothing wrong, and none of this is your fault. You can't dwell too much on the past, and just have to move forward. You don't need people like that in your life.

I just wanted to throw out there that I'm worried, and I'm here for you. @_@

If you do anymore self-injury, leave it to brusing only. I have disgusting scars on my arms that will never go away and I have to wear long sleeves my entire life because of them. I can never go swimming. I also made my parents cry, something I am greatly ashamed of.

It's definitely nothing you've done.

It's difficult to stop caring about a parent, even when they do harmful things and prove at every opportunity that they don't actually care about you.

I hadn't seen my father in 12 years at one point and ended up getting back in contact with him after my brother began to have significant mental health issues related to feelings of abandonment and neglect on my father's part. He was pretty much the same scumbag when I met him again that he was when I was younger. He wasn't verbally or physically abusive but he was incredibly manipulative.

He went to prison for the 5th time for prescription drug fraud and I've not acknowledged a single letter or phone call; life is much better that way.

I was largely over the pain and anger I felt as a child when I met him again in my early 20's, but it took a lot of time and effort on my part to get to that point and he still managed to screw me over again because I was naive enough to believe he had changed.

You're absolutely doing the right things by looking for a therapist and attempting to talk about why you feel the way you do and what you're experiencing because of what you're feeling; it's not easy and it takes a healthy measure of courage to do it.

I remember you posted this one yourself - It was not your fault you were abused, you have to accept that!

I'm so sorry for you I cant imagine how hard it must be to be going through all of that right now. When your 18 you could sue him for molesting you and he may go to jail. I don't know though, I'm not much of an expert on laws and such. But I do think you should look into the legal side of things , or at least have your mom do so . If you can get him locked away, it may give you closure and also keep him away from the other kids he may be abusing. It must be very hard for you. But don't hurt you self , and never kill yourself over it . If you ever need to talk just pm me And ill get back to you as soon as i can. I'm on her almost every day.

don't let scum like him rob you of your life he is not worth it ,no one is worth it.