A small dedication

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With this post I'd like to dedicate my new signature to Bart, the father of my girlfriend.

There was a time when it was quite hard knowing him. Ofcourse for one part because I was his daughters first boyfriend, but more so because she was living with him. Not too long after we met eachother my girlfriend was not doing so well and needed me near most of the time. The effect was I was sort of living in his house for 2-3 days a week. He liked to live alone! When my girlfriend moved in with him at 16 (problems with her mother) this was already hard for him, but an extra man did not make it easier. And for me it was hard because I did not really want to be there.

We are absolutely sure he was an aspie like my girlfriend. He was really tight in his own schedule. Dinner was at 17:50... and 17:50 is not 17:53! If I was still busy cooking (he refused to cook when I was there) at 17:51 he came into the kitchen watching what was going on. This was just one of the few things that at the time annoyed me but are memories now that he's dead.

Later when my girlfriend was suicidal I believe he was glad I was around to help her. He had a lot of trouble understanding what was going on. In a way I am thankful he never said too much about it all. He just continued his own life and did not make it harder for us. My girlfriend has some guilt about sometimes being mad at him in that period and about them never really living together, but just sharing the house. Deep inside she knows it could not be much different with both of them aspies.

Even with him being hard to live with (there was a reason he never looked for a new wife after his divorce), there is one great lesson we learned from him. He had his own ways, his own schedule and he never let people force him to do it differently and he got respect for it at work and from family. That's why we played a song by sting at his funeral: he was a lot like Stings Englishman in New York.

Rest in Peace
Bart H.
1952-2008


- who was a Dutchman and never went to New York

After the funeral my girlfriend and I were talking about music to play if something would happen to me. I was thinking about the next song. I am still looking for one for my climbing friends, because I am dedicating...

Nick Drake - Northern Sky
dedicated to my girlfriend

'I've been a long time that I'm waiting
Been a long that I'm blown
I've been a long time that I've wandered
Through the people I have known
Oh, if you would and you could
Straighten my new mind's eye.'

Bonnie 'Prince' Billy - I See a Darkness
dedicated to my best friend

'Well I hope that someday buddy
We'll have peace in our lives
Together or apart
Alone or with our wives
And we can stop our whoring
And pull the smiles inside
And light it up forever
And never go to sleep
My best unbeaten brother
This isn't all I see

Oh no, I see your darkness
Oh no, I see your darkness
Oh no, I see your darkness
Oh no, I see your darkness
Did you know how much I love you
There's a hope that somehow you
You'll save me from this darkness'

Papa - Stef Bos
dedicated to my parents (and for everyone who had aspie parents in denial)

'De waarheid die je zocht en die je nooit hebt gevonden,
ik zoek haar ook en tevergeefs zolang ik leef.
Want papa, ik lijk steeds meer op jou.'

I'll try to translate quickly, maybe later I'll make a better one:

'The truth you were looking for and that you never found
I am looking for it to and without luck for my whole life
Because daddy, I am more and more like you'

(I used to hate this song, but a lot of truth is in it. I hope to avoid his major faults.)

Joan Baez - Restless Farewell (original by Bob Dylan)
dedicated to... me

'Oh ev'ry foe that ever I faced,
The cause was there before we came.
And ev'ry cause that ever I fought,
I fought it full without regret or shame.
But the dark does die
As the curtain is drawn and somebody's eyes
Must meet the dawn.
And if I see the day
I'd only have to stay,
So I'll bid farewell in the night and be gone.'

en

'Oh a false clock tries to tick out my time
To disgrace, distract, and bother me.
And the dirt of gossip blows into my face,
And the dust of rumors covers me.
But if the arrow is straight
And the point is slick,
It can pierce through dust no matter how thick.
So I'll make my stand
And remain as I am
And bid farewell and not give a damn.'

I find that very touching.

RIP Bart H.