Really low

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I've been feeling really low and suicidal for a week now and I don't know what to do about it. Maybe it's paranoia, whenever I go out anywhere people are always staring at me. Online and in real life, I feel as if everyone hates me. It's like I have this negative energy that repels everyone from me and disconnects me from everyone. I have so much to look forward to (university applications soon and I'm on study leave so no college until next month) so I don't know why I feel so bad

I am in a similar situation.

You say that you have so much to look foward to...thats a good sign.
Nevertheless, you are feeling suicidal so I urge you to get help. Talk to your therapist (if you have one) and if you don't have one, talk to your GP who can refer you to one.

I can understand the feeling of repelling everyone. I went thought that all through my school years. It really sucked. Eventually though, I realized that online I was getting a lot more positive attention than I did in real life. I never knew why until one day, it finally clicked. I am so much more outgoing (if thats even possible online), open and positive online, so more people were drawn to me.
Maybe you are subconsciously giving out negative "vibes" to others?

I hope things improve with you soon.

Thanks

I see a psychiatrist but I don't really feel like telling anyone about this, I feel like they'll just make me feel worse. My next appointment is 4th June so I can mention it then.

I agree with you, I think I do give bad vibes to other people. But my main concern is with the people on here, it's as if no one wants to have much to do with me anymore

*hugs*

Do you have a crisis line you can talk to? Maybe talking to somebody might help?

You are such a sweet heart - you deserve to live! Don't try to kill youself though, it's a horrible experience! *read my board*
That a LONG time away! Is there a possibility of getting therapy every week? That was SOOO helpful, because if I couldn't say something during one session and then wanted to, I would only have to wait for a short time.
If you tell your psychiatrist you need to see her deseparately, she could make the appointment sooner (I've done that before). She (or he) wants you to be safe, she won't be mad at you!

There is a crisis line I can talk to, but I don't find them helpful at all. I find most mental health people unsympathetic because I go to college, something which most of their patients don't do.

I've already overdosed before, remember when I did it last month just before you did it? If I do do it again, it won't be because of an overdose. I have a better method in mind this time.

Speaking of therapy, I have what is known as Interpersonal therapy once a week, but I only have 3 sessions left before I am totally under the care of adult services. I like my psychiatrist, but I don't find it useful in the long run as I usually feel worse after I attend.

I'm also on mood stabilizers which I don't like at all, I know they will be modified in some way when I next see the psychiatrist. I have bipolar and am quite manic right now, something which was really obvious when I went out yesterday.

Gosh I am difficult

It doesn't sound to me like you've exhausted all your possibilities in life, so suicide might not be the best possible idea for you right now.

I've never gotten the impression that you're getting people here mad at you. I don't know anything about what your experiences with people in real life are like. I know that people can cause a lot of pain, and there are a lot of people out there who just don't care.

I'd be sad if I found out that you were dead.

Well, keep in mind that there are more than 19,000 members here. It can get hard to keep track of all of them and tell who is who (for me, anyway).
If people are ignoring you (which I see on this thread they haven't been) I doubt that it's intentional. There are just so many threads.

Sorry you feel that way.

I definitely feel the same way you do of being invisible or ignored. It used to be worse though because most of it was due with my problems of sever anxiety. They finally got me on the right meds for that plus cognitive therapy which too a while. I don't know if the feeling of loneliness ever goes away. I find myself feeling lonely even among other people. I think I'm ignored sometimes because of my social akwardness. I don't know about you.

I'm here if you need me. You're really not all that alone to feel this way.

(((Hugs)))

.....and just as Brittany said we have many members on this board running different times. Also, I've had so many lows that it came to a point where I had to do what Ebec mentioned a call a crisis hotline. I've been in many hospitals for suicidal attempts and they ain't fun. Don't be afraid to open up and PM any of us just as I would PM you.

Sounds like you got a really good future ahead of you.

sorry to hear you feel like that

is there any one thing thats bothering you to make you so unhappy right now??

Thanks for your kind words, they made me feel better and I'm not as suicidal now. You're right, I do have a lot to live for. My education and getting into Cambridge is my main priority right now.

I missed my psychiatrist appointment today because I really don't feel well so I'll have to wait until next week now.

drybones, the thing that's bothering me is that I feel as if the people who claim to be my friends don't care about me at all, this happens on this site and in real life.

Regarding feelings and such like, I think I'm just a very dark, disturbed and disturbing person.

Nico, another thing is that some of us may either be antisocial, or like me, simply afraid to respond.

However, if you are concerned with being disturbed, it is perhaps useful to mention that some of the world's greatest composers and artists suffered in such a manner. Classical composers Bella Bartok, Igor Stravinsky, Ludwig von Beethoven and Richard Wagner were all very 'dark and disturbed.' Likewise, painter Louis Wain was much the same way, and his paintings of cats are well respected.

Sorry if this doesn't help.

Vashna, you responded to my post so that doesn't make you anti-social to me
When I mentioned that people are ignoring my posts, I was referring to people I talked to a lot on the threads until recently. They seemed to have forgotten about my existence lately.

You did help, don't worry My only problem is that I'm nowhere near as gifted as the people you mentioned.

Last edited by Nico on 23 May 2008, 12:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I hate you feel that way. You really are a great person with a lot to look forward to. I mean your going to Cambridge University right? That counts for a lot. I live here in the States and I kinda live under a rock but even I know that is a big deal.

Hang in there, things will get better.

Perhaps you are very gifted, but cannot see it