Somehow, it creeps...

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...silently underfoot, wrapped in flickering shadows waiting for the right moment. The emptiness, the tiredness of Sisyphus embedded into my bones while the noise runs unabated within my thoughts, memories seeking respite and rest, uncertainty collapsing overhead with the grating sound of icy waves crashing on stone. Tonight, I'm losing ground... the sadness, the frustration, the epic exhaustion of trying to cope with life, realizing that I have cannibalized myself to find ways to cope, sacrificing what was important and necessary in the vain hopes of connecting with others, finding someone on the other end of the line. I'm keeping myself here, reading... because otherwise I think I would be rocking, wrapped 'round my pillow, wishing the tears would stop, would start, would tell me why they are here. So tired, so very tired... and left wondering where exactly I am on this long path.


M.

I know that feeling.

Beautifully worded. I think I know what you mean though. I sometimes wonder if the benefits of frienship are worth the sacrifice of my inner world. It's like the wall from the Pink Floyd song; in order to connect with people, I'd have to break it down- but it's been the thing that has protected me for so long.

OH :]

Next H.P. Lovecraft here people. Or Poe.. Yes Poe.

Just... worn out. Having a hard time re-gearing to cope with people, feel completely out of cycle, out of comfort... Feeling pretty lost. As time passes I learn more about ASDs, I realize more and more how much I've lost over the years trying to make do. Suffocating.


M.