ways of coping with your depression and building self esteem

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Here here.

And, I prefer depression to anxiety. It's much easier to cope with and you feel a bit more in control.

never let these feelings get in the way thats what i said am a litte new here but i promise ill do what i can to cheer up sad aspies and be happy with all aspies on this website

Thanks!

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

I mainly cope with my depression by thinking that everyone else on the planet is screwed as well. It comforts me to think that suffering is the only thing that all sentient beings have in common and that it's so universal. Thinking like that actually makes me feel more detatched from my suffering. Your ego makes depression worse. If you think about the fact that other people have the same problems, and that you are not unique, then depression can turn into empathy, which can turn into action (you go out and try to relieve suffering because you understand its nature.) I know this sounds like Buddhist tosh, but I believe it.

My parents used to say to me when I was depressed, 'cheer up, at least you're not one of those starving kids in Africa.' They said it in a way that implied I was ungrateful and selfish for not being happy because I lived in a 'rich' country. It used to annoy the crap out of me. Now I've adapted it into my own motto, 'there are unhappy people all over the world and I'm one of them, so whether it's me and my problems in the UK or starving people in Africa, it's all the more reason to live, in order to make it a better world'. I realise that it's not a very catchy motto, but it works for me.

I can cope with depression this way. I have no idea how to raise my self esteem. I used to be religious and I used that to help me - I thought, 'I have a soul, so I'm worth something'. Now I don't think I have a soul. I often think I only really exist because my family and my boyfriend want me to. I don't need a purpose for my life, I think it's better not to have one. Maybe my loved ones are as good a reason to live as any. I don't know how to raise my self-esteem because I don't really believe in 'myself'. Maybe I should see my 'self' as something separate from what is really 'me' and adorn it with the same admiration I would any other thing in the natural world. Maybe that's the way to become really confident without arrogance.

Sorry for monologuing.

God is surely that if God exists. If that God does exist, however, don't you think it's wicked fun to go all Milton's Satan on the barsteward?

I think life is basically terrible and you can't always find a way to enjoy it. If you find away to make life enjoyable, it's like an act of rebellion. 'I'm having fun...take that, Life!'

I do volunteer tutoring in my local community. It helps me get out there, meet people, and focus on helping others, rather than having time to dwell on my own depressive tendencies.

I try to help myself by getting exercise as, I'm able to take my mind off of things that tend to torment me..

Dr. Laura once said "If you want to build your self-esteem (and no one else will do it for you) do something fantastic and I guarantee you will feel much better about yourself."
When I get low I go to my ratty little wood shop and make something, just about anything will do. When I get done with it I hold it in my hand and say to myself 'Its just feelings, this is real, if you can make this, then you can deal." Works every time. If I don't have access to tools I'll I defy the negativity by breaking a law such as 'You will not eat a half gallon of ice cream at one time, the cholesterol will kill you, it won't make you feel better and you will never succeed in life if you do this evil thing'. I ENJOY the icecream and the feeling of being such an outlaw. The trick seems to be doing something, be actively involved with something that requires the discipline of thinking and contact with real things. I hardly ever get depressed now that I know about as. It used to give me fits, now I am beginning to understand it and how it affects my life. My whole life has been a lie, trying to explain away the strangeness. Self-delusion is a great way to get depressed. Sail on, Silver Breeze!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/user/MuppetsStudio#p/u/18/ysIzPF3BfpQ[/youtube]


Watching Muppets can cheer u up.

I also prefer depression over anxiety but I believe anxiety and depression go hand in hand. First comes the bout of anxiety and then the depression pops its ugly head.

BTW i liked your signature lines . Are they your own?

How much further must I travel, to be free?
How much further must I travel, 'til you Walk With Me?

I agree there, but also, I can just have depression without anxiety. But not often.

Thanks, no it's a song. For me, this music is excellent for coping with depression. And the lyrics are often brilliant like this!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bFFYG6HVsaU[/youtube]

okay, so maybe my advice will sound silly, but it works for me. background: i was on one or more antidepressants at a time (max dosage) for most of 15 years, and i also took a couple of anxiety meds off and on. over the last 2 years i was weaning off meds, and am completely med free as of the last 2 months.

i got help from a therapist initially, but what has honestly worked the best for me is just reminding mself that

I AM NOT DEPRESSED

... and that i am NOT a slave to my brain chemicals. of course, the most important part is where i tell myself the *reasons* why i am not depressed, but the basic part is just overriding my stupid brain with ridiculously positive, optimistic thought. my depression was aggravated by ruminating on negative thoughts, so now i have changed my way of thinking.

Do things that really, really, really interest you. Study it, do your best to make it a hobby first, then if possible, a livelihood. Presently I'm helping my Missus with her interest in making SteamPunk jewelry. It's a lot of putting a piece together out of various bits. If you like Astronomy, then seek out others who are interested.

Hi all

Only started posting on here today (after reading for months) - I didn't really discover "The Haven" section today - I guess I was looking for more facts etc.

OK *deep breath*... Before starting into the topic about self-esteem and depression, I'd like to describe the situation. I'm officially NT (ie. haven't been diagnosed with anything), but having read up on AS since my partner got diagnosed last year, I've kind of gone "Oooh - that's like the story of my child-hood and explains SOOOO much!"... However, there's more pressing things for me than looking into an official diagnosis or anything complicated. I don't care if there's something to describe my quirks and foibles, I'm still me...

My partner, on the other hand, has recently "officially" been diagnosed with AS as part of his treatment for depression. They traced his depression to low-self esteem, which is linked to his AS and how he interacts with his friends, and his father's undiagnosed, yet (now that I know more about it) very obvious AS and how that affected him as a child. He also has dyslexia. His teachers told him he was useless (this was before dyslexia was easily diagnosed), his peers (I refuse to call them friends) at school bullied him for being different and his father told him that he should be a builder because he wasn't any good at anything else (ie. looking back, I imagine he was trying to tell him that he would be good at SOMEthing, rather than trying to tell him he was useless, but obviously the interpretations of a child are what counts at the time). I think his father is a big part of this. Even now there's a lot of problems between them and I think that a lot of this is misunderstandings of communications between them more than anything, but my partner doesn't want to acknowledge that his dad could have AS and therefore doesn't look into the other reasons for why his dad says some of the things he does.

So... We both work full time, but when he's ill with the depression, I end up having to take time off work to look after him (he gets so low that I'm worried he'll self-harm or worse). I'm not sure that the AS is very prominent in his time off (other than being part of the source of the depression / low-self-esteem), but I've ended up having to take a lot of un-paid leave to look after him.

His CBT therapist said that if I wasn't there to support him, he'd have a team of therapists helping him, and instead they want me to do the job of "a team" of qualified people for no pay and no support and no professional training - so if I'm having a bad day (eg. my Grandma passed away recently), I find it very hard to cope with looking after him too and know my patience can be worn very thin, even though I'm one of the more patient people I know (or at least hope I am - I always try to be as patient as anyone needs me to be at any given time).

However, his low self-esteem is SO engrained into him, that he truly believes that he's worthless and that he doesn't deserve anything good to happen to him. He believes that his friends would be better off without him and that I'd be better off without him and that his colleagues would be better off without him. He hasn't got to that "screw what other people think - I'm me and if they don't accept me for who I am, they're not worth knowing" stage and it's been almost 2 years of self-torture for him. (For those who care, that's part of my mantra - I was severely depressed when I was a teen and went through self-harm and all sorts, but I don't regret it - I wouldn't be who I am now if I hadn't been through everything that got me here!)

If anyone has been there before and has got out of it, please could you share whatever the "trigger" was (if you can think of it or are aware of it) that helped you go from "I'm worthless and don't deserve to be here" to "why am I listening to what people who don't know me / care about me are saying and not living my own life, for myself"...?

Do not get me wrong - I'm not going anywhere, I don't want out of the relationship, I love my boyfriend for who he is, quirks and everything. I loved him before his diagnoses; putting a label on some of those quirks doesn't mean he has changed or that the way I feel about him should change. I don't care what labels are out there for him (or me - since looking up AS and roaming these forums for a while, I'd be very suprised if I'm not on the spectrum) - he's still the same person and I still love him very much and just want to be able to help him accept the wonderful, loving person with friends who care about him that he is; ie. realise that he's the amazing person I see and not the useless, worthless, friendless person everyone told him he was as a child - ie. the person he sees.

Back on topic for a personal note - along with my bit of a mantra above, I very rarely listen to what anyone else says about me (unless it's good, of course), I know I'm fabulous (I remind myself every so often!) and if they don't want to know me it's their loss!

The general population are sheep - just because it's in fashion, doesn't mean you have to wear it (look at shell-suits and back-combed hair!). The same applies with pretty much everything... If one idiot thinks you're not worth knowing, it's likely that the other sheep around them will follow their lead without even getting to know who you are. On the plus side, it just means that the ones who do make that effort are individuals (instead of sheep) and therefore I find worth that little bit of time trying to get to know back. I have more respect for actual sheep than morons who follow "fashion" blindly.

Hope that helps.
*hugs*

PS. Sorry it's such a long post! Maybe I should have split it into two... Meh - too late now! *presses "Submit"*

The best way I did it:


Suck it up and stay strong. Not even kidding... trial by fire

"Mountains should be climbed with as little effort as possible and without
desire. The reality of your own nature should determine the speed. If you
become restless, speed up. If you become winded, slow down. You climb the
mountain in an equilibrium between restlessness and exhaustion. Then, when
you're no longer thinking ahead, each footstep isn't just a means to an end
but a unique event in itself". - Robert Pirsig


Not sure this quote fits here .. i got it today from my wonderful GF i felt it very helpful!