Unsafe feelings, extreme anxiety, wanting attention

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I used to want a girlfriend for the same reasons.
The attention I would get was tangible proof that
I was liked, and by extension, somehow "O.K." or
"normal." The early phases of any relationship I
have had have been very stress free and happy....

Then after a while I begin to feel smothered...
like I can't get time on my own. As the other person
becomes more and more a part of my life I find it
harder to "get away from them." It's not that I don't
like them...it's just that I need a lot of space sometimes,
and being with someone ALL the time becomes more
of a burden to me than a stress reliever. In fact, it
causes me more stress because there is a whole other
living being I have to deal with. I lose patience for the
whole thing, and either they break up with me for being
weird (causing more pain and heartache), or I break
their hearts because I make them feel the way I was
feeling when I felt like I needed a girlfriend in the first place....
UNWANTED.

If you are very independently minded and would have trouble
spending lots of time with someone, then I would think hard
about bringing someone into your life like that. I know aspies
like to be able to spend lots of time on their own, and this can
be misinterpreted as a sign of rejection by the other.

Everyone exhibits different social dynamics, and partnering up
may be a different experience for you, but the above description
has become a pattern in my life since my first girlfriend back
in 1989. I recently broke up with someone because of this, and
it was very hard to have to try and explain the whole "it's not you.
It's me" thing once more. I told myself I was never going to have
another girlfriend again, and now, months later, I'm getting that
lonely, unwanted feeling again.

Oh, the vicious, ironic cycle of life.

I'm not going to say "well, you should not be this way"-because that's got nothing to do with what's actually going on in your mind & your life. I feel crummy about self unless there's person in my life (voluntarily-not family) to encourage me & say that they see good qualities in me. Know it's not logical nor "healthy" to be dependent on others-but, again, not everyone (if anyone) can "reason" themselves out of their emotional distress/pain.

Plus, "healthy" can be an ideal that few ever attain in all realms of functioning, but folks get hung up on it as if it's realistic for most people to be mostly healthy most of the time. Ideals are what we strive for, but if they were easy to reach, everyone would be doing so well that we wouldn't hold it up as an ideal-because it had been achieved. Did that make sense ? Anyway...

Also, it is unfortunate to feel like one has love to give, caring one would like to express-yet one hasn't a person in one's life with whom to exchange & share that. It can seem like the "good, nice" feeling rots or spoils "goes bad" inside oneself, when there's no outlet (person with whom to interact & apply these potential desires/impulses towards).

Apologies, for being devoid of advice-I face similar feelings & my ability to cope varies from moment to moment. I've no sense of the future as being better (can't imagine such a thing, can only project things getting worse), am stuck in the present misery. Hope my saying I understand (and don't blame you for) the perceptions/cognitions you describe doesn't make you feel worse. It's so hard to resist/withstand being engulfed in & consumed by current sufferring & frustration, and I can't pretend to have much of "how to cope effectively" worked out.

So far, my major tool for how to get from one moment to the next is writing or typing out my thoughts/feelings-in hopes of purging this searingly painful mental content (rather than bottling it up). Not sure how well it works, but it's less harmful than some alternatives & gives me some minor bit of perspective when I look back on all I've written, afterwards.