sleazes coming onto you

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I am a 28 year old female with Asperger's Syndrome and more than likely an asexual as well like many other aspies. Due to both factors I tend to get into situations where I am made to feel uncomfortable or out of my depth. Today for example I was waiting for a train at the train station and this middle aged Turkish guy started talking to me small talk mostly until he asked if I lived with my husband I thought it was a bit personal but didn't think much of it I said no my boyfriend (This isnt true I live alone just a good way for protection). The train soon arrived and we sat down he sat quite close to me and touched my arm and kept getting closer and closer and then touched my thigh by this time i was extremely uncomfortable he also asked what train i was taking to get home so in hinssight he could meet up with me again. I got out of it by saying i have to call a friend and moved right to the other end of the train however these kinds of incidents (they happen sometimes) often make me feel really shaken up. I don't think sexually and have a limited sexual awareness for someone my age also i am told that because of my AS and young looks I come across as very vulnerable. Anyone else have similar problems.

It's quite normal for women to be really uncomfortable with advances like that. It has nothing to do with asexuality or AS.

These things happen.

Very creepy. You however didn't seem very vulnerable to me, you got yourself right out of that situation.

This kind of thing is common. It is one of the many reasons I avoid talking to strangers who approach me. At least half the time, they're up to no good.

If a stranger says something to me in public, I either give a quick, short answer and then walk away, or I pretend that I'm deaf or don't speak English.

It's easy to deal with these situations in public, but sometimes the sleaze is a co-worker, friend of a friend, friend of a relative, etc. and you have to interact with them. In these situations, it is best to keep as much distance as possible in every possible way.

Just make an effort to protect yourself, and if someone really crosses the line (a stranger rubbing your thigh sounds like it would count), try to get out of the situation as quickly as possible and then tell someone about it.

You know I never realized how naive I can be sometimes and wonder if it's the AS. I've had stuff like that happen but only because I thought I was sending the wrong message or being too friendly yet on the other hand, it was usually them doing most of the talking.

Sometimes it's hard to know who's really just being friendly and who's got ulterior motives. I forgot to say that it's great you brought up the specifics he asked b/c everytime that's happened, I thought it was just me.

Then again, I know some people are just being friendly in a quirky way which is something I have a problem with when trying to be friendly....

To be blunt: you were a bit too NT in this situation. Maybe I'm reading it wrong, but it sounds like you were concerned about his feelings. He steamrolled yours, so there was no reason to protect his. He crossed the line at the very latest when he touched your arm. I just tell people like this straight out to not touch me. Don't be surprised if they say something nasty about you, like that you're frigid or afraid of a good time. Once a guy told me, "at least now I know why you're divorced."

When men I don't want to immediately alienate do this, I mention the study that found that when a man's advance is welcomed, the woman has already touched him inadvertently an average of three times, and state how many times they've touched me already. Generally this gets a "weren't you touching me?" or an excuse like "it's so loud in here, when I say something I have to touch your back." Yeah right.



That said, I hear you about being shaken up. I feel pretty shaken up, too, even when I've handled it like I described above, and I always drive myself nuts looking at myself to see how I brought it on, or could have handled it better.

Please don't confuse your reaction to this creep with ANYthing about your sexuality. Maybe you're asexual; maybe you're just classy and private about your sexuality and have thus far not encountered caring, tasteful physical connection in a safe environment.

Creeps do take advantage of people with AS or autism. I have 3 sisters and not one of them was sleezed out o home.
Guess that just makes me the odd one out again.

Gah, I'm a straight male, and the ammount of times I've had really sleazy gay guys trying to chat me up when I'm out clubbing or drinking or whatever is just silly
Can't say I like it very much!

While there are some people who just don't get subtle cues or even obvious signals, either because they don't recognize them ( we should all get that) or won't acknowledge them, I believe in this case the phenomenon you experienced was primarily cultural.

If you're raised with the belief that all women are whores at heart born for breeding and servitude, therefore must be treated as slaves in order to keep them in check, when you find yourself in a Western society, where women are free to roam about on their own, it's a simple assumption that they're all wanton Jezebels just waiting to be picked up - after all, it's their nature. Any woman left unattended by her owner is public furniture.

I know that seems harsh by Western standards, but if such attitudes weren't a reality, nobody on Earth would be wearing a burka right now.

I'm not sure about cultural. I've had plenty of American men treat me like I was just there for their pleasure. For instance, one guy I really didn't know...had seen him before in a friend's condo complex had the hots for me & raised all kinds of red flags with me! I had just bought myself some lunch & was leaving the store (heading back to work) when the same guy blocked my path, & then felt compelled to touch me (my hair/arm). Ewwwwwww. Grosses me out all over again just thinking about him. I never flirted with him, never said much to him, & yet he thought it was perfectly acceptable for him to touch me with his nasty hands. I felt like a needed a shower after that incident. Thank God I haven't seen him in years....I moved far away from where he lived!

Guys came on to me sexually since I was nine. I am not talking about little boys either! I am talking about men in their 20s to 50s. I can't believe that all guys are raised thinking that all women are just useful for sex!

I agree. I cant believe tat eithier
Theyre just scums.

Thats what they all say
Im just your friend until...
or worse Im a doctor 'lets play'