Long Standing Situation

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so this is just a portion of an email i just sent to a friend of mine on WP... guess i'm just stressed enough to share it here too.
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well things have come to a head again... with my friend...

it seems every so often i say how i feel and get rebuffed... have a meltdown and then things go normal for a while... it's been several months since i last said anything at all and it's just so confusing cause we have such a good time together. outside of hanging out with katie and alex (from WP, they're here in fairfax) he's the only one i feel like i can be myself around...

things have been so good... we laugh and joke around the lab all the time... we hang out together or with other people... he's considerate towards my aspieness in ways (cause he has an aspie in the family and knows about the stuff, hell it's his job too)... i dunno like with sensory stuff... he even kinda secretly helps me in conversations... i dunno how to explain, like he sneaks in ways of saying things that make things clearer for me or actively finds ways to help include me in the conversation... even interjects with jokes of my nature (which isn't a typical kind of humor) at the risk of sounding odd himself...

it's really hard cause everyone around the lab thinks on some level that we're dating... people say things in passing to me kinda trying to hit on the subject all the time... i shy away from those conversations cause i don't want to cause trouble for him (though i'm not too sure that it would cause their comments don't seem conniving like that... it's like they already assume we're dating and are ok with it but are just talking in an "Assuming" friendly manner... it's weird) but also cause it genuinely hurts.

but things have been goin like this for so long now... and things have been so good with him and other people in my life... it just kinda happened that i just recently slipped and sent him an email about how i feel towards him... and i get no response. but he starts callin me for random things... like basically just to say hi. and then, his best friend comes in to town and instead of just hangin out with him, he invites me to hang out with both of them... and since then, he's called me more (than usual) to hang out... yet no direct response to my email...

and so today (week later)i just asked him about it and he gets all defensive and just says that we're not dating and he doesn't want to talk about it... he then adds that all our friends say i stare at him whenever we hang out and that it's obvious to them that i like him and that makes him uncomfortable... to end the conversation, he was like, "i was gonna invite you to come hang out with me and ____ tonight but if you're goin through this, then i'm not gonna spoil my night." he hangs up and that's then end of the conversation... not even 5 min later, he calls back, apologizes and asks if i still wanna hang out... i did, but mainly cause i figured i our other friend was expecting me and i just didn't want to seem weird.

so we hung out... and it was fine... just kicked around a soccerball so we were kinda spread out and didn't have to talk really, so it was fine... but i just got home and had a much delayed meltdown... 5 hours later and i'm still shaken... i think i'm gonna go to some walk-in counseling on campus tomorrow, cause i don't know where else to go. think they're just gonna say not to hang out with him or something... which i guess is what i need to do...

i'm just so confused cause that's not what i want at all.
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let the knocking-of-sense into my head begin.

It sounds like he didn't respond to your email because he just wants to be friends, and didn't want to hurt your feelings by saying that, directly. The increase of phone calls to "hang out", could also be interpreted as, indicators of wanting to be "friends only", just by the way that he continued to use the words "hang out", even after you stated your intent.

Don't worry, he isn't mad at you or anything. Things just sound a little awkward right now, but, if you give it a little time, things will return to normal. A month from now, it will be like this incident never happened. And you never know, he may change his mind, now that he knows you're interested. Best wishes.

Just sent you a PM.

That kinda sounds like he does like you? If he didn't he wouldn't have had such an emotional reaction on the phone would he?

if i apparently act so obvious about my affections why does he even wanna hang out with me? he says i stare? i have no idea where he gets that, though duh it's obvious there's somethin between us to other people, but i'd say he contributes to it too

Possible interpretation: He definitely wants you for a friend, he finds you attractive enough to have some interest in you two becoming lovers, but he doesn't want to be interested. That could happen if he felt that he will not come to love you, and that therefore he would exploit you and risk your friendship if you two got into a more intimate relationship. It could happen for other reasons. Does that interpretation make sense of the situation?