oh boo woo someone call the wambulance.

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Ok, I don't do this much so please bare with me. Time for some pity-mongering.


I'm such a f*****g loser. I'm a waste of space. I hate that I can't be around people casually. Being with people hurts, and being alone hurts, and this paradox hurts. I f*****g hurt all the time. I can be in some casual get-together, not even a party really, and completely not exist. I'm just kind of there like a resourse-consuming black hole... one more mouth to feed and contributing nothing. Oh, don't mind me, I'm just here for the food and/or drinks. Everyone is exerting some invisible force on me and I can feel my temples being pushed inward and that's a pressure point. I really don't know what to do about it. Goddamn it I'm 24 years old and yet I'm about as good as a 14 yr old when it comes to social situations. Maybe I should "grow up" but then again I AM "grown up" in some ways... my intellectual capacity is appropriate and I can be responsible, and I can repress my emotions like a pro. Well, sometimes. Then other times my emotions become mutinous and take over for a while, such as right now.

My life is a big sh***y rusted out car that is driving off a cliff and I'm locked in the trunk.

OK, before I react: Is this really sarcastic or are you doing what I do when I know that I'm being what could be construed as whining and unnessessarily putting yourself down?

The message is sincere, and the first paragraph is a disclaimer. Not to be read by those who dislike whining!

OK, just making sure. Social situations can be weird, don't feel guilty if you're not "contributing" at a party/gathering. Whoever invited you should be trying to interact with you so you don't feel like you're just kind of "there" to be there! It's not all you!

I left early.

I ate and watched a movie. After the movie I went to the bathroom and when I came back someone was in my seat despite my food/drink being there. Normally I would have said something but I was already reeeeally not wanting to be there so I just walked out.

I understand about not existing. I went to a cast party with a friend and I am setting right next to the friend when his boyfriend asks where is yealc? OK I am right there.

Anyway I often have this problem also but now in my thirties it seems more funny than painful. I remember very well years ago how much it hurt and how lonely life seemed.

I hope you begin to feel better.

Y

I know this doesn't help you one bit, but I feel exactly the same as you. I have no idea what to do about it so I just try and put up with it and get more and more frustrated. I've literally gone off and sat in a dark corner at parties and no one has realised I've left, apart from people who aren't my friends who I never talk to who are like "what are you doing". *sigh* I don't know what to say to make you feel better, but I'm sorry you feel this way

reading you post was like seeing my thoughts typed out on the screen, lowfreq. so, unfortunately, i can't give you any advice because i am experiencing the same feelings myself. all i can say is that i understand how you feel and that i hope you feel happier soon. *hugs hugs hugs*

I don't understand the concept of parties - especially the kind you talk of.

Seems like nothing more than an ocassion for people to get together and get drunk, then drive off and smash up their cars.

I remember an evening at school about 13 months ago. I was trying to sleep at about 12 am when someone started to pound on my neigbhors door

The guy sounded rather drunk too. You were the smart one for leaving IMO

Thanks to everyone who responded! It is appriciated.

Scoots: it was a graduation party

Hecate: I find your avatar strangly attractive. If you look like your avatar I will marry you.

<<<hugs>>> You put to screen what I also feel in socal situations. You are not alone. I hate parties. I feel like everyone can see what a socal bungler I am. My mom, before we knew about AS, thought that I was just immature. now she says, she can see that it wasnt immaturity it was AS all along..... I wish there was something I could say or do that would make you feel better. Just know that we all feel that way too.... <hugs again>

lol. imagine the wedding reception..... everyone else chatting and enjoying themselves, and us just sitting there trying to look like we're having a good time!

I can identify. I often feel like I waste space on the earth since I have nowhere near lived up to my potential. But these days even though my existence is marginal I still (selfishly) have a good time. I am better when I can be around people, but when I can't, I forget why it is important. In my family I have the reputation of reading a book or sleeping while the conversation goes on over my head (literally).
This is one of those times of year when lack of connection becomes glaringly obvious. But this year I can think of friends I have, even if I don't spend time with them, I have them. Even if they are not level one friends, I still have them. This year I count a level 2 and two level 4 friends. I am sending all of them holiday cards.
All of that is to day for me it seems to have gotten better as I got older. I trust it will be the same for you too.

it would be funny if that wasnt so true......

Hold on here a second...hold on!! !! !! !

She hasn't divorced me yet!! !! You can't marry her!! !

Hecate, your avatar is naughty....just like you!! !

I like the sound of that system ... How do you define the levels?