My thoughts For those who have nothing left to lose

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This is a followup to my situation here: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt75787.html .

I plan to write a few of these on the same theme, as I still haven't found the answer, and things are getting worse and worse by the day. Not the situation mind you: that hasn't changed since about 4th grade. But, while this whole diagnosis hasn't actually changed me, it has developed things in the sense that I now know I have more of the same to look forward to... for a long, long time.

Since writing my last post, I fully absorbed the revelation about ultimate freedom that so many people have unsuccessfully been throwing at me over the years. See, I was standing in about three feet of water in a large cement pond, dressed in clothes that would get relatively heavy when soaked... a few layers of heavily soakable clothing, mind you, there's too much cold blood in a cinder block and rope... and after lying face up, ~sorta sinking~, for a quarter of an hour, I came to two conclusions: the broad one that spoke to me on many levels -- "It looks like I'm going to have to try another day." -- and the one I want to share with you -- "Well, if I was willing to end here, looking ridiculous, what else can I do with the rest of my week?".

So, this is a musing directed towards other posters who have simply stated "Oh, I just want to die" etc etc. (I'm looking at two or three right now, so dont tell me those dont pop up here.)

Most methods of committing suicide are either cliched, over the top gory and painful, or leave you otherwise "embarassedly desposed." Really wanting such a thing means losing everything, and most often at least papercutting the hearts of everyone who knew you.

With nothing left to lose, you only have things to gain.

Rules, of ettiquette and government alike, are only maintained so long as one fears the consequences. If you are willing to accept the consequences, you are free to do whatever you like. Want to kill someone? Go ahead; the price is 25 years, or less with our failing prison systems. I am not advocating this of course, but the theory can be applied to what we generally seem to fuss in this section.

See a social cue you dont understand? Just go up to someone and go "Excuse me good sir, but exactly are you flipping me off?" Worse that could happen? They'll yell at you, or they'll insult you. If you have nothing left to lose, then certainly there's no harm in agreeing with them -- generally this will totally unarm them.

Constantly overstimulated and don't know whether you'll make it through the day? Channel your anger into on-the-spot interpretive dancing. You will break crowds, silence audiences, and although you may at first feel stupid, if you are doing it exaggeratedly enough, you will make them feel more stupid for not knowing what the bloody devil is going on. Plan B is to remember that you may feel embarassed now, but if they were doing your autopsy right about then, you would be lying naked on a metal table getting oogled over. At least you may get a laugh with the prior activity.

This is all great in theory, and I'll try to remember it as much as possible -- I will certainly be applying it more and more as I get out of my small school.

But I made a healthy start today by handing all the teachers who had been unsympathetic to my obvious learning problems in previous years yellow party hats and cake, and congratulating them on making a disabled guy's life hell for a quarter of a decade.

For all their privacy's sake, I cant post the pictures I took with several of them, but I will end with the words of an onlooking history teacher, "Don't look at me, I'm too busy maintaining racism and sexism here." (He was joking of course.)

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So, topic of discussion:
Can anyone see why this wont work while I start saving up to be cryogenically frozen?

well, to survive is a win. sometimes that's all that life will allow us. it's the best revenge too.