Wore right down

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So I stay at home with my 4yo Aspie and it is getting to be way too much. I am losing my own identity at breakneck speed and can do nothing. I am trying desperately to identify Respite workers to no avail for some reason.

In the meantime I am amused and trapped by my days of cartoons, 'pick a hand, no not that one', 'but that's a girl colour', 'dad can't sit there cause that is mommy's seat', 'I hate you mommy!', being told how and what colours to use in crafts, wrong settings on toasters, 'look mom, look mom, look mom, look mom.' I am running out of fuel and am just going on fumes. Not much for solid family support either either then overworked and overwhelmed DH.

Please, please give me words of wisdom on how to cope when Respite is NOT available, I want to bawl my eyes out as I feel like a bullied four year old. Please tell me what I can honestly tell myself because the tears are staying closer and closer to the surface everyday. I don't mind guiding and developing him, myself, but I need a break and one doesn't see too close.

I am going to be a puddle of mush soon.

Please tell me how to cry silently so he doesn't turn his singalong music up full blast to 'cheer me up'.

Thanks all.

*whine*

Subaru's Mom

stuffing your head in a pillow would muffle the sound but that would not fix it as your kid would pick up on it,
you are doing a good job raising your son, make use of any services that are out there.
check google.