Trying to find a job and on the verge of being kicked out

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I'm a 19 year old undiagnosed aspie who suffers from serious depression and self-esteem issues. And all my life I've been just trying to please other people and just failed Whether it be in school or socially with me unable to make friends. I've developed about lying to my parents about doing things that i need to do like go to school or simple things like taking a shower or brushing my teeth. And my mom is fed up with me and "wasting her money" with college and wants me to withdraw and get a job or stay at my dads house (pretty much leave). I want to leave and get out on my own but I don't even know if I can take care of myself in a satisfactory way. So I'm really scared of what I should do. I can't talk to my mom because we dont talk. We've never been able to be open with each other and she'll never understand my feelings. I could talk to my psychotherapist but I need to be proactive with myself but it is so hard just to get out of bed. And nowadays a lot of the time I just want to disappear and starve myself and waste away. I don't know what to do. A lot of the time I want to give up on life and that life is too hard and its too much pressure. I've been feeling like this for months now. I'm just really lonely. Feel like I have no purpose in this world. And just everything would be better after this life. But I really dont know what to do. I really want to live a normal life but I dont know what to do.

It sounds like you're in college, but living in your parent's place.

MOVE OUT. NOW.

You are in college. You should live on-campus and experience what that life is like. Even if you don't have the money, loans are easily obtainable (at least in the US). It may seem like a waste of money, but college is primarily about teaching you how to grow as a person. Academics are secondary.

Unfortunately, they don't teach you that in classes.


This is the number one most important thing that you can do. I made the mistake of living with my parents until grad school, and it wasn't until then that I started working through my depression issues. It was only possible without their crushing influence being a daily part of my life.

It'll likely also greatly improve your relationship with your parents. I know a lot of people who didn't start getting along until they moved out. It isn't going to happen overnight, but gaining independence is just so vitally important. Also, if you don't physically live with your mom, she'll start thinking about what you actually mean to her, rather than focus on the daily stressors.

I'm not saying fail your classes and just have fun, but a degree is a degree, and years down the line, you will have benefited so much more from simply living in college than from getting "A"s instead of "C"s.

I should know. I had a 3.9 GPA during undergrad and I was miserable the whole time. When I finished my gradschool classes and took a semester of nothing but classes that interested me in another college, I got a GPA in the low 3s, but those were four of the best months in my life. Now that I'm working full time, I don't think I'll ever get an opportunity like that again.

You have the opportunity now. Don't waste it.

you sound depressed. it isnt a good time for new changes and impulsiveness.

see a shrink.

good luck