My sister and me, to talk or not talk

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Something changed with my sister this morning. Apparently she told one of the young men she is friends with in the student government offices this morning that I really don't talk to her at all. He spent a great amount of time scolding me for this, chiding me that I really don't care about my family, and that they are all I have (I do love them in my own, but that is a different story and to tell it would require me to write a 900-page novel) . This kid is someone I really don't like at the school, but I listened to him and defended myself.

Now, my sister and me. You are probably wondering, why should not I talk to a wonderful young woman like her. Well, the charge that I don't really speak to her as much as I should has been levied against me on numerous occasions. The thing is, most people don't get my side of the story.

My sister is about 17 years old and is currently taking GED classes at the local community college I am going to. She is usually very rude to me, especially when she wants me to do something for her. She never talks to or calls me in a very respectful voice and usually shoves me out of the way when she wants to get something. She has almost never been polite to me. She was, at times, quite physical with me when she was younger. For instance, about 6 years ago, on a late summer night, I was awoken at 2:30 in the morning because she wanted to take the family dog out to pee, apparently because he was whining. Now it was thundering and lightning outside, and I have a bad case of astraphobia (lightning-hatred for you people who know Greek). I reluctantly agreed to go out with her, trained a flashlight on her, and stood on the front step and watched her carefully to see that she was not in any physical danger. Apparently she didn't think that was good enough (she wanted me to follow her with the dog) so after the dog was done peeing, I went back inside and she came in and started hitting me on the shoulders fairly hard and scratching me. Now I was about 1.25 times her size at the time, and I am also a guy. I have never hit her or raised my voice at her even. And yet she shows me nothing but disrespect.

Me and her are different on cultural levels as well. She is a stereotypical "gangsta," who likes to go out with friends almost every day and I tend to be more of a detached, nerdy, anime-fanboy type of person. She prefers movies of the "Fast and Furious" type, whereas I like documentaries and Miyazaki-type movies and anime. She has a cellphone and an MP3 player, and strangely for my age, I don't know how to text message. I really hate talking on the phone. She likes to watch rap music videos and blare gangsta rap and R&B loudly in the car, and I just grin and bear the horrid sounds. I wish I could punch the damn radio or change it to a station playing soft tunes. I am not trying to interfere with her personal choices. I have tried hard to keep my mouth shut when it comes to disagreements. Which is one reason why I don't talk to her.


I recall her saying at a family discussion this last July that all I like to do "is sit in my room, read, play on the computer, watch movies and play videogames." They apparently think I am too withdrawn as a person. I really have a hard time talking to other people, including my family. (which reminds me to say that my dad just came into my bedroom a few minutes ago and sat on my bed looking around, I really had no idea what to say to him, so I awkwardly gave him two hugs, I tend to do that when I don't know what to say to him). He tends to watch me closely and talk about my faults as if I am inept. At least I do things to help out around the house, whereas my sister(s) do almost nothing to help out. In fact, I do all of her laundry for her, and wash her work pants. I clean her dirty dishes. I even fixed her laptop for her a day or two ago when it went bad.

Now she probably doesn't know why I do that kind of stuff. My parents divorced 2 years ago and my mom ended up taking my sisters (they went willingly, and to rebel against my dad) to Egypt, where she proceeded to marry a man she had been having internet romances with. I went to NJ and had to come back in a rather traumatic situation (It was an ill-fated attempt to live on my own, away from the 3 women in the family and my tyrannical father, only to end up with an abusive roommate). My sisters ended up coming back in November of 2006 and for about 5-10 months afterward they were engaging in full-scale rebellion against my dad (disobeying and having vicious arguments with him). I guess I am pretty much the only person in the family that is remaining loyal to my dad. My sister has been relatively calm for the last few months My mother has recently got her husband a green card, so they will be coming back to the States likely within the next few weeks.

Another thing that keeps me away from talking to her is that she has a hair trigger temper, and you can easily get into a yellin match with her. My sister has come home drunk on many occasions and is currently in trouble with the police for MIP of alcohol. She has been acting up as of late and has been having heated arguments with my dad in the last couple of weeks (which may have some connection with my mother coming back). My little sister apparently told my dad that she wants to go live with my mother after my mother returns to the US, when my sister is a legal adult at 18.


When I came home, I had a talk with my dad about what had happened with this conversation, and he told me that we have had this conversation before, that we are a "family divided" and that I should talk to her and try to become a better conversationalist.
I told my dad that I have a hard time with conversation as a result of Asperger's and he told me that I shouldn't let "the Asperger's" control me. He told me that I can overcome Aspergers and become a gabby person. He told me that I should feign interest in other people's topics (like my sister and her gangsta ways).

What should I do?

She is your sister .. and she is going through a tough time at the moment it sounds like..

Something you said struck me. "Now she probably doesn't know why I do that kind of stuff."

If I were you.. I would just be telling her why. You don't need a big introduction to the conversation .. maybe even just saying to her " I wanted you to know that I wash laundry, fix your laptop and all the other bits and pieces - because it's my way of telling you that I care and that you are important to me, I am just not very good at expressing that.with words. I just wanted you to know " - end of conversation .. large smile and walk away.

As for your Dad.. maybe AS is something he will come to understand over time.. has he been offered any reading material?