Overwhelmed with minor things...

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Given the scope of suffering, it seems silly to even be bothered... but today I am not coping. The pain and noise from the inner ear infection are constant and penetrating, pervasive. I can't hear, can't hear how loud I'm speaking, tired of being misunderstood or missing pieces of the conversation.

I am having to return to the hardest lesson for me - that of detachment. I cannot solve their problems, I cannot remove their hurts. I cannot take away her pain, or her fears. All I can do is persevere, to remain in support... otherwise, the strain starts to erode the coping mechanisms, and all problems are exacerbated.

It is a natural part of things, but the idea of her being gone scares me. Once the thought entered, I've been struggling to regain my composure all morning... a wet sadness. I can't imagine her not being here.

Not understanding... frustrated that I can intuit procedural and systemic corrections, but don't understand why I am offending someone, or why my feelings are being questioned when others are sacrosanct? Caught between the river and the rock, tossed in the current between being capable and being unable to comprehend. While I can adapt, I cannot change who I am.

Shaky, inside... upset, feeling useless, at a loss to even explain why I am crashing inward, downward, unable to speak out, no one aware that things are getting very tenuous within.


M.

An inner ear infection can bring the strongest of us down. Some people even choose to stay in bed...!

Don't be hard on yourself.

Just... at wit's end. Agitated. Have been on a week's worth of antibiotics, which tear me apart, to treat it - and now it is back worse than before. At least I completed all the arranging that I had contracted before it's resurgence. It's the final straw that is making it hard to handle the rest of life... long distance relationships, family health issues, preparing to move, etc... just want to hide right now. People don't understand why the big man is crying, most days.


M.

I had a week like this...which ended yesterday.
I blew up at work. My little boy was kicked out of daycare. I couldn't get to sleep. My parents are getting old and frail. The list goes on.
My boyfriend (also long distance - and international, might I add, we're getting the fiance visa together, which is a worry and a pain) told me that my car was going to break down and I would wind up sitting in a ditch crying for three hours.

I had to laugh when I went to my car yesterday and the "check engine" light was on.

Your ear infection will heal. Other things will resolve. This too shall pass.

And in the meantime, you have The Haven.

I feel for you. You can go home and go to bed. You are excused.

Thank you for your assurances... will have to sequester myself tonight after work and let some of this pass through me. My beloved and I are thankfully within the same country; we both have our own sets of issues, and we have been out of sync with each other these past couple weeks. My family is more fractured, but my mom is in that same stage... prospect of leaving her to move across the country is weighing on me.

I wish I could stay home today. Just have to keep going until tonight.


M.

I don't know if this will be helpful... but I would continually have inner infections when I was eating wheat and drinking milk. Given that perhaps you are under more than the usual amount of stress at the moment?? stress can make us feel run down and increase symptoms of allergy.

You should be able to have a day at home to allow you some time out from the world and for physical health reasons.

Sorry to hear the big man is feeling tearful. Guard your moments of solitude.

Last night helped.
Practicing the hardest lesson for me... that of detachment.
Being self-employed means that if you aren't working, nothing gets done... no rest for the wicked.
Had frequent, severe (4-6+/year) ear infections as a child; not aware of a food allergy beyond a recent dairy sensitivity.
Thank you for the words of support. Strange place for me to be, as I'm usually the receptor... but my shoulders are tired, my head hurts, and it is foreign to be the one reaching.


M.