Parental exclusion

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I am finding it very difficult to let a small issue go and I think writing it up will be cathartic, as it is too small an issue to harbour,

I decided to take an interest in my mothers work so that we could converse, therefore, after helping to distribute tea and coffee at a political meeting to discuss matters such as health and education in our area, I asked if I could stay and listen. My mother objected, on the basis that I may get fidgety or speak to her at the intermission! I pushed the matter as her response was highly personal, as though I would cause some sort of scene, perhaps even address Autism and other mental health issues, which would never occur, outbursts rarely happened in such situations in the past and usually consisted of leaving the building.
I left the matter, and overheard her saying to my stepfather, in front of her colleagues "You know how she gets." So I went over and said, "Mother you have made your objection clear to me, please don't discuss me in such ways in front of everyone, it is disrespectful." She later had the audacity to call this rude! I distanced myself for the next couple of days, she appologised and brought me gluten free cookies?? Then preceeded to have a huge go at me when I didn't immediately start being sociable with her. Ignorant pain in the posterior.

I do not understand my mother and I am pretty sure she does not know me at all, how is this possible? Even people at the meeting asked if I was staying and when I said, no my mother believes that would be innappropriate, they asked why? I should have said, because my mother recently learnt of high functioning autism, instantly transforming me into a liability! Foolish woman.

If your mother's like mine, she'll have a heart attack the minute she realizes you're serious about not talking to her again and then you'll *have* to let it go.

Just kidding. Anyway, she's your mom, so I guess you might have to be the bigger person. If I mentioned to my mom I thought I had AS, that would open me up to a world of hurt. She already atributes all the autistic behaviors of my son to faulty parenting. I have no advice but can offer comiseration and sympathy.

Taken! She loathes silence and always resorts to anger and confrontation after bribery. If I can weather that we could go a couple of weeks without speaking, as it is I just react to the anger installment, opting to point out where she's going wrong. It's just not working between us at the moment, I wish there were some way to live alone, without anyone disturbing me for months on end, until I felt ready to come out again and 'deal with it.'

Your mother seems similar to my father. He always found a way to keep me away from his high-class friends, especially those from the university where he worked. I often overheard him say things like "You know how kids his age can get", or "He can ask embarrassing questions sometimes."

My dad felt embarrassment just having me in the same room as his buddies. I hated sports, was not obviously interested in girls (I was, but just too shy), and could not care less about anything outside the realm of science.

It seems the old man wanted a social life without the stigma of having a child that was always "nervous and jerky", as he so lovingly put it. I now know that many people of his generation viewed children like me as a blight, rather than a blessing. In his day, "Cripples and ret*ds" (his words, not mine) were kept out of sight of co-workers, neighbours, and relatives. Eventually, such people were institutionalised or simple "locked in the attic" to keep them invisible. For my dad, his shame for me often over-rode his paternal duties (I refuse to call it "love").

Imho, your mother is in conflict over love of you as her child, and her own anxiety over the loss of social acceptance among her peers if they should determine the Truth about you.

I hope that I'm wrong.

Unfortunately I suspect you are absolutely correct. She went as far as to mention the contrast between "Your immaculate appearance" and "Your tendency to, you know, blurt things out" and look "uncomfortable or unapproachable...Give people the peircing eyes." She was afraid I would be naive, show digressive behaviour, alternatively, frown upon those present and come out with some inappropriately honest comment on the issues presented, or otherwise call her parenting into question, (which, regarding a woman spouting political jargon and conservatism "It all starts in the home," to have an adult daughter littered with co-morbid conditions she chooses to neglect to acknowledge, would be a fair move on my part.) She can be too hypocritical for me to stand. To think i've a valid reason for any such differences, not acceptable, and certainly not valid or valued amoung her aquaintances.

I hadn't actually considered the generation thing, interesting. She is just one of those, yep, it's a tornado, let's power on through, like a light breeze when you think about it, but mother, my limbs...
I want her to value my opinion, to be proud of my presence in a room as her daughter, with valid insights, not a pretty blue dress. How can ASD cause a perception that we are somehow lacking, so that our own parents conclude they can be legitimately ashamed. How can they let their social ties over-rule their parental responsibilities.
I do not understand this, I would be an intensely irritating parent that calls the school if someone utters a syllable out of place, my child would always come first and if I felt I couldn't do so, I would not have one.
My mother has in the past admitted she perhaps shouldn't have had children Hence my attempts to reconcile, safety, I need to be in my own room, tis a curse.

*Just read this back, clearly a little self-righteous today!

^ Welcome to the Wonderful World of Autisim Spectrum Disorders.

Seriously ... welcome home!

And thanx for the encouraging PM.

*Removes shoes.

I have to encourage and stay motivated I am avoiding the chasms of nostalgia and resisting the next apparent bout of OCD.

*Update, we have spoken, she has appologised and has agreed to work on her randomly pervasive anger attacks. Glad my mother and brother got grandfathers mood disorder, I am like my father. Consolation indeed.

Your mother is [edit:MM]. I am sorry but the way she treated you is unacceptable .

And they say us aspies have problems.

I cant give you any advice but I can tell you that your mother is being very unfair to you.

I bet the people at her work think the same. They may not say it because its not "socially acceptable " but there thinking it none the less.

To be honest, I noticed this, one man gave me a skewed facial contortion (that if I read correctly) shared my opinion that my mother is acting bizaarely, putting it kindly. I can't think about my situation too deeply, or I'll end up holding another eight year grudge that builds until I implode, to the point I can't recall what I have been through. Memories then come back in floods and flashes, knocking me around, I have just begun to sturdy. Balancing, balancing...

Honestly, I'm thinking your mother would probably find something to criticize you about if you were Princess Diana. So just relax and let the old people be crochety.

Remembered that at some point, I will be choosing her nursing home.