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21 Mar 2009, 5:13 pm
SoulcakeDuck
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Joined: 3 Mar 2009
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,842
Location: a bubble called Cognitive Entropy
21 Mar 2009, 6:14 pm
21 Mar 2009, 9:57 pm
SoulcakeDuck wrote:
"I don't know why I hang around these young people. I don't even want to"
well there's your problem, instead of facing yourself and asking yourself these questions you seek external comfort from brainless youth that will probably fuel your confusion and doubt in yourself. You run away, as you used to run before for 3 hours. Befriending the seizing darkness is your first step, getting to know your black fog will only make you stronger and you will no longer seek yourself to those dimwitted NT's that seek constant emotional satisfaction. We had enough of emotions thats why we turned it of. This gloomy pondering that comes with your black fog will either turn you insane or very wise. But first you need to dig inwards only then will you truly learn how to control emotion and mind.
Constant positivity will backfire on you, life is right and left, up and down, in and out... charge yourself falsely with smiles and you'll go BOOM before you get the chance to go out partying with kids again, and guess what... your not a kid. Not anymore.
Many had their childhoods crushed and found refuge in their minds but those who still keep running from their thoughts are truly lost.
Question is not what you need but what you want in life, what makes you truly f***ing happy? And I bet these kids don't fulfill that because you feel more at home in their environment.
well there's your problem, instead of facing yourself and asking yourself these questions you seek external comfort from brainless youth that will probably fuel your confusion and doubt in yourself. You run away, as you used to run before for 3 hours. Befriending the seizing darkness is your first step, getting to know your black fog will only make you stronger and you will no longer seek yourself to those dimwitted NT's that seek constant emotional satisfaction. We had enough of emotions thats why we turned it of. This gloomy pondering that comes with your black fog will either turn you insane or very wise. But first you need to dig inwards only then will you truly learn how to control emotion and mind.
Constant positivity will backfire on you, life is right and left, up and down, in and out... charge yourself falsely with smiles and you'll go BOOM before you get the chance to go out partying with kids again, and guess what... your not a kid. Not anymore.
Many had their childhoods crushed and found refuge in their minds but those who still keep running from their thoughts are truly lost.
Question is not what you need but what you want in life, what makes you truly f***ing happy? And I bet these kids don't fulfill that because you feel more at home in their environment.
this reminds me of when i was a kid. i would walk through several dark paths through some forestpatches, and for a kid, even the shortest little path can be scary. there was also the dark cellar, and other scary places.
i tought myself this: join them
join the ghosts, not even that, but rule them. logically i knew they didnt exist.
i would - instead of hurry - walk slow. stop. wait. be their master. m-hm
i thought this to my little sister, shes afraid of the dark. i told her instead of running up the stairs from the basement, stop in the middle of the stairs, and just wait for the ghosts and trolls to catch up. they will never catch up. she wins.
some days later, totally excited, she told me she tried, and it works.
its an attitude applicable to most situations in life.
stop and embrace the situation you are in.
if its dark and scary, then so be it. dark and scary is your world, and you are its master.
SoulcakeDuck
Veteran
Joined: 3 Mar 2009
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,842
Location: a bubble called Cognitive Entropy
21 Mar 2009, 10:07 pm
21 Mar 2009, 10:14 pm
21 Mar 2009, 10:21 pm
SoulcakeDuck wrote:
I like you ZEGH8578
I wish I was a large black woman so I could go *mmmmmmmhhhhmmmmmmmmmmm!!*, but I'm not so it's only semi legit.
I wish I was a large black woman so I could go *mmmmmmmhhhhmmmmmmmmmmm!!*, but I'm not so it's only semi legit.
yeah, and do that side-to-side motion they do with their heads! what IS that! it totally freaks me out!
btw, as for the actual thread and OP: why are you going to a party full of kids? :S if your 21 and theyre 15, theres going to be a major cultural clash, aspie/nt or not. theyre gonna be exploring drunkenness, vomiting and trying to f**k, and your gonna sit in some chair and be all "
" looking at the time and stuff. stay home, or go to some party where it will SIMPLY be aspie/nt-related awkwardness those parties can be cool. you can pretend to be an anthropologist
SoulcakeDuck
Veteran
Joined: 3 Mar 2009
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,842
Location: a bubble called Cognitive Entropy
21 Mar 2009, 10:39 pm
ZZZZZZZZ*snap!*
Z
Z
Z
Z
Z
Z
Z
Z
Z
Z
Z
Z
Z
*snap!*Z*snap!*
*giggle* *giggle* 
edit:
Z-snap! text failure 
22 Mar 2009, 12:57 am
SoulcakeDuck
Veteran
Joined: 3 Mar 2009
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,842
Location: a bubble called Cognitive Entropy
22 Mar 2009, 9:06 am
Ana54 wrote:
I want to party! I want to dance to loud music and have sex and do drugs and pull pranks and yell and scream and eat gourmet food and yak and yak and yak amidst a crowd of giggling friends.
that's only on film, TV has really f****d our perception of reality. + the people doing those things are often very unhappy then crash and burn sooner or later. I've had my share of drugs party and sex, till the point I passed out from it all, hah people I landed on were not happy and a slap woke me up,... how long was I gone? FELT LIKE EONS!
I'm done with that, I'm a Aspie from Sweden, we drink...
22 Mar 2009, 12:37 pm
SoulcakeDuck
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Joined: 3 Mar 2009
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,842
Location: a bubble called Cognitive Entropy
22 Mar 2009, 1:29 pm
Sorenna wrote:
THat is really awesome about the dark and stairs.
Yeah, thse kids are like 22-27. THey are not realy like kids. But I am so old.
And I am kinda upset because I did that. I embraced the dark and was electively mute. I would do my languages and people would leave me alone. I was practically LFA. And then it was all about becomming sexual and social and therapists would yack about being social, sexual, adjusted.
Well, I went along with it. And it is NOT me. I was born without a sex drive, a social drive, any drives otehr than the ones I was born with which is movement and lots of it and some certain stims.
Now it is hard to go back.
I fell into the illusion that one day I wold be socialized and normalized. This was back int he u80 's when they knew nothing.
So now I am this weird morphed kinda socail AUT in hiding. They do not know I am AUT but if they came to my house, they would see me rocking, obsessively doing my languages, earplugs in ears, etc..........
So I want to go back to my private "prison." What Autism SPeaks calls a prison is my peaceful monk's cell. They are full of crap because I liked it.
Yeah, thse kids are like 22-27. THey are not realy like kids. But I am so old.
And I am kinda upset because I did that. I embraced the dark and was electively mute. I would do my languages and people would leave me alone. I was practically LFA. And then it was all about becomming sexual and social and therapists would yack about being social, sexual, adjusted.
Well, I went along with it. And it is NOT me. I was born without a sex drive, a social drive, any drives otehr than the ones I was born with which is movement and lots of it and some certain stims.
Now it is hard to go back.
I fell into the illusion that one day I wold be socialized and normalized. This was back int he u80 's when they knew nothing.
So now I am this weird morphed kinda socail AUT in hiding. They do not know I am AUT but if they came to my house, they would see me rocking, obsessively doing my languages, earplugs in ears, etc..........
So I want to go back to my private "prison." What Autism SPeaks calls a prison is my peaceful monk's cell. They are full of crap because I liked it.
you just answered your own question, you like being yourself, I can relate I tried to adapt before as well, I didn't know I had AS and I pushed myself constantly,... but that didn't make me feel good, f**k, it was eating away at me. I let myself get fooled by my "normal" surroundings and myself.
And I REALLY don't understand why most people seek therapy or take meds, yes I felt beyond s**t when I was around 18 and constantly spiraled down in these disgusting dark obsessive self reflecting mind locks. I coulden't get out of my own head. But I solved it because Aspies often have something NT's do not, and that is hardcore instinct that we posses, hell we're so good at recognizing and analyzing things we make the world feel stupid but our greatest downfall is our doubt in ourselves and the ability to make yourself feel like ultimate crap when we don't go with the flow. Most NT's are sheep following others realities we make our own, misunderstood, sure, ok but we are at least free in one way.
I bet that in a couple of years normal people will be so fed up with their miserable existence they'll be coming to us for answers.
Question is will we cover our ears and turn away or will we guide these blind fools...
gina-ghettoprincess
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Joined: 8 Nov 2008
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,669
Location: The Town That Time Forgot (UK)
22 Mar 2009, 1:38 pm
ZEGH8578 wrote:
SoulcakeDuck wrote:
"I don't know why I hang around these young people. I don't even want to"
well there's your problem, instead of facing yourself and asking yourself these questions you seek external comfort from brainless youth that will probably fuel your confusion and doubt in yourself. You run away, as you used to run before for 3 hours. Befriending the seizing darkness is your first step, getting to know your black fog will only make you stronger and you will no longer seek yourself to those dimwitted NT's that seek constant emotional satisfaction. We had enough of emotions thats why we turned it of. This gloomy pondering that comes with your black fog will either turn you insane or very wise. But first you need to dig inwards only then will you truly learn how to control emotion and mind.
Constant positivity will backfire on you, life is right and left, up and down, in and out... charge yourself falsely with smiles and you'll go BOOM before you get the chance to go out partying with kids again, and guess what... your not a kid. Not anymore.
Many had their childhoods crushed and found refuge in their minds but those who still keep running from their thoughts are truly lost.
Question is not what you need but what you want in life, what makes you truly f***ing happy? And I bet these kids don't fulfill that because you feel more at home in their environment.
well there's your problem, instead of facing yourself and asking yourself these questions you seek external comfort from brainless youth that will probably fuel your confusion and doubt in yourself. You run away, as you used to run before for 3 hours. Befriending the seizing darkness is your first step, getting to know your black fog will only make you stronger and you will no longer seek yourself to those dimwitted NT's that seek constant emotional satisfaction. We had enough of emotions thats why we turned it of. This gloomy pondering that comes with your black fog will either turn you insane or very wise. But first you need to dig inwards only then will you truly learn how to control emotion and mind.
Constant positivity will backfire on you, life is right and left, up and down, in and out... charge yourself falsely with smiles and you'll go BOOM before you get the chance to go out partying with kids again, and guess what... your not a kid. Not anymore.
Many had their childhoods crushed and found refuge in their minds but those who still keep running from their thoughts are truly lost.
Question is not what you need but what you want in life, what makes you truly f***ing happy? And I bet these kids don't fulfill that because you feel more at home in their environment.
this reminds me of when i was a kid. i would walk through several dark paths through some forestpatches, and for a kid, even the shortest little path can be scary. there was also the dark cellar, and other scary places.
i tought myself this: join them
join the ghosts, not even that, but rule them. logically i knew they didnt exist.i would - instead of hurry - walk slow. stop. wait. be their master. m-hm
i thought this to my little sister, shes afraid of the dark. i told her instead of running up the stairs from the basement, stop in the middle of the stairs, and just wait for the ghosts and trolls to catch up. they will never catch up. she wins.
some days later, totally excited, she told me she tried, and it works.
its an attitude applicable to most situations in life.
stop and embrace the situation you are in.
if its dark and scary, then so be it. dark and scary is your world, and you are its master.
I wish I'd read this back when I was little and terrified of the dark. Thanks for this, ZEGH8578!
KingdomOfRats
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Joined: 31 Oct 2005
Age: 41
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,833
Location: f'ton,manchester UK
22 Mar 2009, 10:45 pm
23 Mar 2009, 10:23 am
Thank you, Kingdom!
At least I was not born messed up. If I had been allowed to just be what I was born, I would be just fine.
I am really glad that people here get that, and get that we are not prisoners until we are forced to live in the prison of the NT world.
Half of us are disabled, so wh don't they just let us choose if we want treatment and try to be NT or not. I would have chosen not to try if I had known what I know now.
FOr those who want to, that is a noble feat and quite a feat it is. But for some of us it is something we can't do and don't want to. Like trying to turn a gay person straight. SOme want to and claim they have been changed but most say they are who they are.
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