Social Issues

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Hi,

Recently i have started seeing a therapist for AS. He hasn't given a final ruling of AS but said it is highly likey I have it. My biggest problem is the social part. I just don't care about people. This is really hard since I am in management because you have to focus on people to make them perform. I have learned how to fake it but it is really hard. Another problem I have is a loss of executive function when stressed. Basically I forget all kinds of things when the stress goes up. For instance the other day I gave a customer too much change because I was helping three customers at once. This is getting really hard. I know life shouldn't be this hard and it is really depressing because I really want to be a success.

Lately, I have been getting afraid of opening my mouth in fear that I will hurt someones feelings or bore them to death and not realize it. This is something I do quite often. Luckily my wife has pointed out when I said things that hurt her (when I didn't have a clue) and caused me to realize this. I used to get so angry at hurt because I knew I wasn't trying to hurt her. Now I get angry at me because I know its me and not her. Since my visit with the Therapist I have been trying to watch peoples reactions to me more. I have realized that most of what I say is innappropriate or too much. Ie my extreme focus area which will change from time to time.

My question is can it get easier or will the social issues for ever be very very difficult? I'd really like to feel like part of the group which is something in my 39 years I have never felt.

Thanks,
George

Yep, this is why I don't talk to people much.
However, I've learned that if you smile when you say things, people will just end up confused and not mad if you screw up.

I read a study somebody did. He had a theory that people responded to expression and tone of voice, and completely ignored what was actually said. He went to some black tie party to test this. When people asked him how he was doing (or whatever), he would, smiling and in a pleasent tone, say things like "Terrible, my mom just died", "My dog got ran over", ect. People weren't even registering the words. They'd just smile back and say "Great!" or whatever.


There's a good variety of people here, I think we can fit you in somewhere.

Thanks for the quick response. I know the study you are talking about. I've studied it in school and work. The whole showing emotion works for me in short interactions like sales presentations but anything longer forget it. I'm looking forward to talking to others about how to deal. What I would give to fit in. At least now I know why I don't .

I'd assume you deal about as well as you probably ever will by now. AS doesn't mean you can't be successful. Besides, I think most "normal" people do a whole lot of faking as well. You know who I mean, those perky happy sales people, ect. No way are they really that thrilled to be at work and dealing with you, right?
And why should you care about people in general? What are they to you? Even most "normal" people don't really care about anyone but close friends and family.
Actually I think it gives you an edge as management. In my experiences, if you know you have a soft and caring boss, you'll try to manipulate them some for your own gain. If they're all business, you just do your work.

Good for your wife, my husband does the same thing with me. How long have you been married?
I do usually realize I've said the wrong thing, right after I said it. Too late. Fortunately, my coworkers are used to me and just consider me weird, which I'm fine with.

Try not to get mad at yourself. I know it's hard, but it doesn't help and only makes things worse for you. You've taken it from "Oops" to something like "I'm such an idiot, why can't I learn". You've raised the price of even trying. Just think "whoops, I probably shouldn't have said that. Okay, I'll try not to do it again. Moving on."