I don't want to be the center of attention

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I've always imagined myself being famous, but now that I'm about have people praise me over my photography I don't want it. I don't know how I'll handle it.
For one it's depressing. The places I used to get into and the bands I used to photograph are no more, because I can't get access to them anymore. So, I don't really want to be praised over something I did in the past and can no longer do.
My last shoot that was supposed to be me doing my old thing turned out to be a disaster - sensory overload followed by a meltdown, which lasted into the next day. So, I'm physically not able to take photos like I usually did even when I have a media pass.

Now I've had to do interviews and get photographs taken of me. I don't want it.
I'm just going to fake it at my gallery opening, but if I'm asked to make a speech I don't know what to do. All I can think of to do is when I was a kid and the teacher called on me in class to do something but I just sat there stubbornly.

This probably isn't making much sense, because I'm thinking too quickly. In short I am a band photographer, that can no longer take photos in the bigger venues and take photos of famous bands, and my gallery (in an arts centre) is about those types of bands. It's depressing me because it feels like such a lie. I feel like I'm letting people down when I say that I'm still doing it, like they expect me to update my band photo gallery or something. I can't do it because it's too hard to get into those shows and my senses have become extra sensitive, so I can't take photos when noise is blaring, the venue is hot and there are crowds of people everywhere.
I really hope I don't have to give a speech tomorrow, yes my gallery opening is tomorrow. Everyone is so impressed with the old me that I'm really started to feel like running away.
I don't know how I'll cope tomorrow with being the center of attention.

You could always just say that you're done with band photography and move onto something else, something that doesn't freak you out quite so much.

photography is art. But it's also a transferable skill. Do portraits - studio, quiet, your set up, one person, or a small family group, etc. That's just one option. Do you like animals? People love their pets.. that's another option. How about kids? What if you did architectural photography? There are thousands of ways you can apply your skill and artistic talent.

don't dwell on what you don't want to do anymore. Let the artist in your come out and do something you WANT to do!

LL

You could ask PostPaleo whether he can quickly write a speech for you. Here is some of his recent writing on WP, but if you want something stranger than that, I think he could oblige.

More seriously, I remember the first few times I had to give public presentations. Scary. I got through it by concentrating so much on what I had to say that the audience was mostly a blur. I hardly noticed them, except as a source of questions to answer. Now, if you give me a topic I find interesting and am competent to explain, and an audience with at least a little interest in the topic, I don't have problem. Make the audience as big as you like, too. But in a social situation, I don't have a topic I'm competent to explain. That still makes me nervous.

If your mind works in a similar way, you can cope by finding a topic and concentrating on that. Is there something you would like people to know about your work, or even something related to your work?


They're not praising you for what you will do, they are praising you for what you have done. If you take it that way, can you accept it as something you deserve?

I hear what you are saying.
I have been wanting to get into portrait photography, but my people skills are not that great. I don't like telling people what to do, I rather take a photo as I see it. I guess landscape photography or animal photography might be better for me. I also like taking photos of random things and passing it off as art.

I just want the exhibit to go as fast as possible. I should be excited, or even a little nervous, but it's just not a passion anymore. I need to tell people that I'm moving on in my photography and maybe looking for a different career altogether. Everyone always tells me that I shouldn't give up, but it was a hard job to keep doing. It was so stressful at times and now because of sensory issues it's impossible to do.

Thanks for the link Gromit. It's a bit late to plan a speech though. Hopefully it's only a small gathering.

I suppose my photos were pretty good. Yeah, I can do this. It's only one day.