I need some advice on my family

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Before I get to the problem, I'm just gonna give you guys an update on what's the deal with my family:-

In 2000, I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome (though I didn't know about it until in 2002) before I turned 11 that year. My dad actually understood my condition but, unfortunately, my mom though it was literally, Autism. So my mom told ALL of my maternal relatives about "my condition", at least what she thought about it. Eventually my younger brother and my cousins "found out about me" from my mom, and my brother started calling me a freak because of it, but that was after I left my mom to stay with my dad in 2004 (my parents divorced in 2000). I even tried to tell the truth to all of my maternal relatives but they didn't believe me.

Now I'll tell the problem:-

My maternal grandpa just fell seriously ill, and my dad has made plans to visit my maternal relatives (this includes my grandpa) this Friday. I'm not sure whether to go, considering the lies they've told me and the truths they've kept hidden from me over the years, and I don't want to start an argument over the nature of my Asperger's, but I feel sorry for my grandpa and it's respectful for the grandchild to visit their grandparents, but, most importantly, I feel uneasy about visiting them. So, got any advice on what to do?

Sorry to hear that. I was diagnosed later in life so I still get touchy with the issue of Aspergers. No one knows but my mom and dad these aspie related sites.

First of all, are you ashamed that your family knows of your diagnosis..if they know what it is? Because if you are, you might want to rethink on that arguement whatever that argument is. Autistic or High Functioning Autistic doesn't give anyone the right to label you for who you trully are and I know through experience there is an awful lot of ignorant people about many things. Sometimes I can't argue since some people make it a habit that their ignorance is the truth. Anymore I ignore such arguments depending on where their facts are coming from. Civil debates are better but I don't really think you should be arguing at a time with your grandfather being ill.

Just try to be civil about it if they do bring it up. Sometimes emotions give no validity to our actions.

As for the lies, do you mean they never told you about your diagnoses itself or are there other things involved as well? In any case, that is difficult to get through. But again I have to ask if it's not so much the lies of your diagnoses as it is with how you feel about your diagnoses? Maybe you have some resentments to having this little trifling condition. I know I was and still do at times only b/c I think people will automatically stereotype me. I realize how silly that is because if I'm hiding from it, then how will I accept myself as a person. You don't have mental illness...at least from ASD, it 's more of neurological profile disorder since it involves mainly communication skills.

Anyway, just a thought.

That's a tough one. Going is probably "the right thing to do" or respectful like you say.
Something I do in tough situations is to have a contingency plan for everything- sort of like having several getaway plans (ie, sit in the car, or go back to the hotel, or leave for home early...that kind of thing...so it is all planned out ahead of time). Just having the plan can make it easier.
That said, though, I no longer communicate with any of my dad's relatives, and this makes life much smoother. My brother doesn't even talk our dad anymore which was the right choice for him. Just because they are your relatives doesn't mean you HAVE to have anything to do with them, if they have hurt you badly. If you feel no love for these people who have hurt you, you should not feel obligated to go. If they act irrationally about usual things, how much more difficult to deal with will they be in a really stressful situation like a seriously ill (possibly dying?) family member.

I would caution against punishing yourself or your grandfather for their ignorance; there are a lot of people who don't understand, can't understand the differences... and you don't get second chances to see people before they're gone. You can't control their understanding, only your own course of action.


M.

Thanks guys for the advice guys but there was only one advice that I can relate to and that was from riverotter. So eventually I decided not to go.