After the Christmas party

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I went to the work Christmas party yesterday because it's part of my longterm goals to make connections with people, to get new work, and to get better at social situations. I didn't meet anyone I especially liked, but I did familiarize myself with a few other people in the group, asked some questions about different areas, practiced social chit chat. It was at the home of one of the managers, so although it was a work party it wasn't really businessy or formal, actually.

Before going to anything like this, I get strong urges to jam out and not go. I'm not going because it's fun. I go for the longterm reasons, because being isolated has disadvantages for me.

So, I made it through two hours of this and my husband said I looked like I was just shrivelling, going to implode. And I realized it's not that I enjoyed the first two hours, but that it took about two hours to get in touch with how I really felt about it. Before that I was totally paying attention to the other people, not really myself. If I paid attention to myself, I wouldn't be able to interact. That's an area I'm weak in, shifting the attention inward and outward. Anyway, I was rather sickened by the excess, and I really wanted to get out of there. You know, at the beginning I reserved judgment, but it just crept up on me. The food and decorations were so excessive and there was no depth and meaning to all of this, and it felt quite shallow and decadent. Really bizarre. I will never forget this event.

And they aren't horrible people or anything. I'm glad I went, because I don't want to be too isolated. However, I am still cringeing when I think of things I said, even though they were probably mostly fine. And will probably be thinking about it throughout the week. I probably don't sound desperately freaked out as you read this, and you may wonder why it's in the haven, but actually this is very uncomfortable for me and has long lasting effects. so I would appreciate hearing how others deal with this kind of thing.

How long does your post-social cringe period last and what do you do or think about it?

I obsess over every little word and phrase and analyse what he said and what she said and forget that they probably don't remember any of it, or if they do they only have a general feeling about how they felt at the time. Most of them were imbibing, I rationalize, and so are going to see it though beer goggles, anyway.

but I can still cringe days, months, even decades after who I was with forgot it long, long ago, or can even be passed away (and it probably didn't mean as much to them, anyway)

Merle

I once went 1 month of absolutely no human contact

Ladarzak, you don't have to go to parties like that to not be isolated. You'll probably enjoy talking to people on WP a lot more.

>Ladarzak, you don't have to go to parties like that to not be isolated.

Thanks, but I think I do need to. It's no good to have only net connections. I need contacts in the community. That's how I'll find a much better job than just everything being cold calls. That's how you learn about general knowledge about how the world is changing. I need to know what's happening on the ground. I could explain more, but basically there are things that I have ignored or just not known about because I don't talk with people, and then I go into a situation blind because of lack of general knowledge. I'm really good in a lot of situations that most people cannot handle at all, but I need this in my repertoire as well to be successful as I define it. Even if I only make contacts and no close friends, it's well worth it, as I know from times in the past when I've made the effort.

Don't get me wrong -- I won't be going to a lot of parties, but this one was important as I recently transferred and wanted to show my face to the office staff and other colleagues in this region.

Generally I get social cringe quite badly at several points throughout the night, and generally for a few hours afterwards, or a bit less if it went well, but I constantly keep trying anyway hahaha.

Socially, I've always been a blunderer, immature, over the top, and a bit of an embarrassment, but I always try my best.

Went through the same thing last night. I don't do these things very often but sometimes you just have to. I limit my "socializing" to Christmas and maybe one or two other times during the year. I can actually do these things quite well if I keep the number limited.