My wife is angery with me because I am emotionally distant

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I dont know what to do. She doesnt understand why we cant just have a normal conversation. She is alway complaining that I am always distracted when we talk and that she is never a priority. She wonders why I will never engage her in conversation but she doesnt understand that if I am thinking of something else I will be distracted until I can satiate that mental itch.

Can anyone help me. I am a bible specialist and will not divorce though polygyny could be an answer. I am open to grounded suggestions.

couple's counseling?

I think this might be diagnosed as a case of TMO, too much Oprah! Okay, I'm just screwing around here. I do watch Oprah though, and a lot of these women shows act as if there's some sort of issue in everyone's marriage that has to be dealt with. Sometimes I wonder if this only sews the seeds of discontent in a relationship where there were none. Like your wife let's say, hears x behavior means the husband is distant, she applies that behavior to you and says this is wrong. Not giving to the reason that, this show is being extremely broad and not everyone's situation can be diagnosed in an hour, as well that you're Aspie and they most likely are saying this would be of concern in a NT. In other words, it may be a lack of perspective.

Counseling sounds like a good idea. As well as explaining to your wife, that people who may be well meaning in giving advice, might be giving the type of advice one would give to a person in a marriage with an NT. Not the kind of advice that works well for a relationship with someone who is Aspie.

I understand why divorce is strictly banned in religious value systems. But you have to understand that an ethical system is intended for those who can keep them. A person isn't supposed to divorce, well, for a lot of reasons. But one of the reasons why it is considered a sin is because there is always the choice to stay, work out the problem and grow in the relationship. For an autistic person, that choice has little meaning.

If you have a disability that affects your interpersonal relationships, being committed to an unsuitable marriage isn't a moral choice about dedicating yourself to a constructive relationship. It is choosing to stay in a trap in which you cannot (for reasons you have no control over) live up to the requirements of your partner. An ethical decision is usually made on the basis of what we can manage to do rightly and what we cannot manage to do. If you cannot manage to do your marriage rightly, choosing to stay in the marriage that you cannot satisfy for reasons beyond your control is not really an ethical decision. It is a decision that is more like being afraid to break rules.

I have wanted to convert to Judaism for some time. But to convert I would go through Hasidic (Orthodox) Judaism. I can't follow their rules and maintain coherence in my life, due to my Asperger syndrome (the best I could do is become obsessed with their rules and be enslaved by them, which isn't the same as following them for some constructive spiritual or moral purpose).

It is difficult to realize when following the rules of NTs is meaningful, for an autistic person, or when those rules become a trap where you are (instead of being ethical) being enslaved by a system of codes that are unhealthy and unmanageable for you. Really, not all of the rules of the NT world are healthy or manageable for Asperger people. Catholics have a system of "annulment" for situations like that, actually, where there are exceptions or one partner couldn't or didn't honor the marriage contract. Maybe if you talked to a Catholic priest about whether annulment would be an option in your case if you were Catholic, that would help you assess whether this is one such case.

As a person with a social disability, I think any rule that traps you in or out of relationships is probably going to be one of those NT rules that is poorly-adapted for Asperger people.

Anyways, that's just my thought about rule-following, when it comes to Aspergers in the NT world.

As a separate matter, perhaps you can explain to your wife that if you interrupt your thoughts, etc, you will go downhill or become depressed, etc. That it's not really your choice in an ethical sense.

Also, if you want to go polygyny, what is the purpose of that? So that you can get 2 women who you are not satisfying in a relationship? The only way polygyny would solve your problem is if you let your wife pick your second wife so that she could have some company.

Is the relationship imbalance really your problem? Or do you just want another woman, tired of the first?

How about if you set aside a small block of time every day and desinate it as her time. Something like 15-30 minutes would probably do. Then sit with her, no TV, internet, radio, papers, ect. Ask her about her day, a lot of women feel you're supposed to do this. You'll most likely be able to get by with just asking her questions and pretending like you care. Nod or grunt as necessary to show you're paying attention. If she complains about a lot of stuff, give her a hug or something. After, say something like "I'm glad we talked", I've noticed they like that.

Of course, counseling's always a good bet. Assuming you're both willing.

Unfortunately I've gone through similar situations about 10 times over the years and three of these occassions were in marriages. I've done the counseling thing and it often doesn't do much good. It may be a sad fact of life that your wife cannot actually accept you and your quirks for what they are and she wants or hopes that you can change and 'get better'. In some ways she's sending you a message that she loves you but can't accept what you are. The spending time thing is actually a polite way of saying that she doesn't appreciate the way you are and that if you were better she'd be living a 'normal' life.
Just my 2-cents.

I can't believe some of the responses. Why is it his wife's responsibility to accept being treated badly? She deserves respect and if he never talks to her then this damages her mental health.

Its selfish to expect her to put up with your idiosyncrisies yet you can't be decent enough to do something for her. And what she wants you to do for her is simple: talk to her so she doesn't feel lonely. This is not a lot to ask. What you are doing to this woman is emotional abuse. Good grief if you can't do something so simple as be her friend you had no business marrying her. Treating your wife like this is wrong in God's eyes because you are causing her irreversible harm and the most decent thing you could do is divorce her and let her go on to a man who will be a good spouse and friend.

If you are so wrapped up in your own life and mind you have no business in a relationship.

How often are you unavailable? If she says always but it is only sometimes maybe you just need to agree that she doesn't walk in and expect full attention.

If you are rarely available you may need to work on being there for her.

EDITED to rewrite, my last post was bollucks and made little sense. I reread the OP and rewrote.

emotionally distant, I thought this was common in men??

Take up a shared activity. Try really hard to find an interest you can share.

Develop a list of rote questions you can ask her to show you are interested in her.