Meaningless emotion (My emo post)

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I've heard a lot about how romance (not necessarily pertaining to relationships) is illusory.
Sometimes I have moments in my life (usually solitary) that seem meaningful, even if in a depressing way. Like scenes from a movie. I want so badly for these moments to be meaningful, but part of me realizes that they don't mean anything to anyone else but me. And if it's just me, then it seems meaningless all together. I can't find fulfillment anymore, just fleeting moments of happiness. They're getting rarer and I find myself needlessly angry and unhappy more and more.

I failed auditions for a district band not too long ago. I did a good audition but flute's a very competitive instrument. Even though all I really wanted to do was do well on the audition, I did have my hopes up, and I put so many hours of practice into the audition. I've barely played since.

It's not like I can't get over these things, but it seems like I have to get over these things again every day. I know there are people a lot worse off than me. I'm glad to have gotten this out of my system.

At the risk of sounding like I'm mocking you (I'm not)...do you have anyone you share any of these moments with?
It would help you, maybe, to know that if you try to find someone to share the thoughts with...maybe eventually...you will.

In the meantime, if you want to keep that part of yourself alive, I guess you have to stop judging yourself for having feelings no one seems to understand.

I think not judging yourself...unless you're doing something obviously wrong, like burning lizards with a lighter...is a pretty good strategy in general. Hard to acheive, but a good strategy, nonetheless.

Thanks Patternist.

I shared some of these thoughts with a girl I know not too long ago and she called me an emo whiny b*tch.
At the time what she thought meant a lot to me.

Over a couple of years there as a melodrama between me and her. Looking back now I realize it was never even real, it was a fantasy, and it never became real because that would have killed the fantasy. It looks so pathetic and naive and childish to me now.
...But in that time I felt so alive, more than ever. I had meaning. At times I was very happy and optimistic. At times I was really sad...but it was a special kind of sad, a meaningful kind.
On good days I went to bed at 10:00 and fell asleep instantly and was completely content. Now I go to bed either really late or I just can't sleep. I almost always feel restless and empty going to bed.
Now everything looks real. I still feel melodramatic at times, but part of my mind marks it as meaningless emotion without any real purpose, and that breaks the magic and depresses the hell out of me.

I also sometimes used to feel like little moments in my life were meaningful parts in a movie about me. A lot of people get that; I don't think it's unusual.

What a selfish little b*tch. And somehow we're the ones that lack empathy. :evil: I seem to see more NT's than aspies who are cold as f**k.

meaningless and meaningfull are just two poetic thoughts
empty;

unless you pour your heart into one of them

^^^I agree with syzygish.

Feelings, good or bad, give life some kind of meaning, for me anyway. Otherwise it feels like just going through the motions, kind of robotic.

Emo whiny b*tch...that's horrible.
I think 'emo' is a term used by people who haven't got the guts to face their own feelings so they pretend they've not got any. ('I'm so cool and hard that nothing affects me' ) Either that or they're frozen solid....

I used to hear this a lot from my mother, that there was always someone worse of than yourself - (so stop complaining/expressing feeling, she meant) That doesn't invalidate your feelings though. You're still entitled to them even though there's always someone worse off....is the most worse off person in the world the only one entitled to feel?

Fantasy feelings are also real....the relationship maybe was mostly fantasy but we all project so much in relationships. Reality and fantasy seem to blur a lot in that area. Just look at people 'in love' - it may feel good but it also feels a little crazy, lol.