I can't take this anymore

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Every f'ing day I get insulted by my so called 'friend' Kieran. Every time I go to school he says a stream of about 5 insults in registration and does my other 'friend' James stick up for me? No. He laughs and starts to insult me as well. Kieran has driven me mad for 3 f'ing years. What does he do when he finds out I have AS? He simply insults me more and started saying I've got 'A monges syndrome'. He knows the reason why I’m not too good at sports, but he still makes a habit of insulting me because of it, and somehow thinks that it justifies him to punch me and throw stuff at me. Computer games are the only thing I'm really good so I managed to get in an Xbox Live team with Kieran, James, Steven (my only real friend) and someone called Paul. Does Kieran great me in the team with open arms? No. He does everything to try to get me out of the team. I even had a tournament where Kieran said 'whoever gets the lowest number of kills is out of the team'. I got way more kills than James, and yet I get kicked out the team. They had a vote about it, and even Steven said I should get kicked out the team. He said 'I thought you and James are just as good at games, but because I had to choose I choose for you to be kicked out the team'. WTF? Surly if James really is just as good at me at gaming you would still choose your best friend rather than someone you hardly even know. After I got kicked out the team he said 'I can't believe the way you just got kicked out the team like that', even when he was one of the people who voted me out of the team! But it’s not Steven who has destroyed my life, its Kieran. I wasn't kidding when I said he insults me every day. He makes me upset, angry, rageful and vengeful every day. Honestly, if I don’t manage to kill him, I'll kill myself.

They are not your friends.

Can you not tell someone about this?

No. If I did tell someone no one would like me. Kieran would just batter me and James would completely side with him and lie to get him out of trouble. Everyone at school would probably call me a grass and a gimp and the teachers won't believe me anyway.

That sounds awful. The best thing to do is to stop being friends with them immediately.

With friends like that, who needs enemies, eh?!

I’ve been in your situation before. You are low man on the social totem pole. Kieran has bullied his way to the top. Steven and James are scared to stick up for you, because it would make them a potential target. You’re safe to have around because if all else fails, attention can social punishment can be diverted to you.

You may want to break away from this group. Maybe Steven or James will ask you why you don’t hang out with them anymore. At that point, maybe it’s worth telling them something like the following. Do it in a past tense type fashion. “Well, all I got was abuse when I did, so I just got over it”. “You guys seem to be in love with Kieran or something and let him abuse you”. “It’s not my place to judge, so whatever makes you guys happy”.

These people are not your friends. I had many similar experiences growing up. Having no friends is better than having friends like that.

They insist on hurting you because this, rather than inflating their self-esteem, deflates yours, the net effect still being the same - they feel superior as they have a better self-esteem. Friends should be equals, and these "friends" seem to feel they are superior. Friends should compete by improving themselves, not by demoralizing others. Drop them, and make an attempt to find better friends.

They are not your friends, and they never will be.

just ditch them. they're not friends.