I'm angry.

Post Reply New Topic

I never learned how to show people respect because so few people have showed me respect. I didn't come from a household where the people showed each other respect.


The big thing that bothers me is that when correcting something I say or do, people tend to use a condescending, angry or impatient tone instead of a neutral tone. Including people who are supposed to be close to me and are supposed to love and respect me.


Also, some people don't respect me for who I am. They try to change me, saying it's because they care about me and they want me to be at my best. But that's not my best, it's just something different that I'm not. If they cared about ME (as opposed to the person they want me to be) they'd respect who I am and love ME (instead of the person they want me to be).


When I was a kid, my mother would just walk right into my room without knocking or asking no matter what I was doing. I shouldn't have gotten mad at her for it, but when I got mad at her after asking her not to do it but she still did it, she got mad at me and continued to do it.


In fifth grade my mother didn't even let me wear what I wanted. Excuse me, but it's my body and *I* ought to control how I look, because if someone forces a look on me that I hate I'll have bad self-esteem, and that's what happened. She had bought stuff for me without asking me first and said I had to wear it so that the stuff got worn, because after all she had bought it for me. Even though it wasn't my fault she bought the stuff without asking me.


My father went through my and my mother's stuff and threw out what he felt like throwing out. My mother did the same thing with my stuff, giving away some of it without asking me.


I have an aunt who once said that her kids were her property and that she owned them.


My father and grandmother put too much food on my plate sometimes and my grandmother made me sit at the table until I'd finished it all, even if I literally felt like throwing up from eating too much. Because wasting food is BAD. Why didn't THEY eat it? They're the ones who put too much food on my plate. I didn't serve myself.


Also, once my grandmother was making tourtiere and I didn't want any. I jsut wasn't in the mood for tourtiere. '''''i got yelled at by both of them and then more by my father, because apparently I didn't have the right to say no. My father said that he would wuit his job as a parent and that if someone asked him if he had kids he would say no. Was it the way I refused the pie? If it was, they didn't tell me. So they gave me the impression that I just had no choice but to have the pie or get punished.



even after I turned 18, my mother still yelled at my father until he paid for stuff for me that I didn't really care about, and stuff for her. A LOT of stuff for her. She's still making him help her out. Yes, she needs the help, so I see why she's doing it and might have done the same thing, but it's not right to make him feel guilty and emotionally abuse him.


That was just a little background stuff. But mostly, what bothers me is that my mother would often get angry and/or impatient with me when I made a mistake when I was a kid, instead of correcting me in a nice way.


Luckily today I figured out how to stop the angry, impatient or condescending tones when correcting me. I haven't tried it yet, but I hope to get a chance. I'll jsut say, "Can you do me and favor and use a neutral tone when correcting me?" I really hope I get a chance, because if I don't they'll think forever that I don't mind being condescended to or abused (not that the condescention isn';t abuse). Even if it never happens again, I still don't want people to think I don't mind being treated like crap.


I didn't respect my mother and didn't go out of my way to respect my father. In the case of my mother it was because she didn't respect me; in the case of my father it's because I was shy. I wish I'd showed my father more love/respect. I still don't and should. I should call him and write to him, but I have nothing to talk about because I don't have a life.

Hi there Ana54, havent heard from you in a while. I understand what you mean, people treat me like I am their property aswell, which meant that I never got the proper help and attention I needed growing up, because according to them it was unnecessary.

Even to this day, I don't know how to overcome the situation. Either way I lose out. If I accept my status as being owned, I end up with my rights abuse, if I speak up for my rights, then I am being rude and ungrateful. I have no advice on how to deal with people like this, because I am subject to their treatment aswell.

I've had a bad last few days aswell, for similar reasons. I hope you feel better soon...

Basic human rights. Everyone has them.

To be honest though. Sometimes interacting with people is something we all need to learn. Different people like to be spoken differently compared to others.

I have been spoken to in a condescending way to. It is not nice. I remember when I was 17 in 1983 or 84 I was sent to bed for taking an eighth of an ounce of cheese by my mum. How Aspiphobic is that? There is no reason or excuse for that kind of Aspiphobia I tend to treat people the way I am treated because they do not treat me the way they would like to be treated, but differently to the way I would like to be and also just make excuses for it. I have never ever received an apology for this aspiphobia. I show respect to people who show respect to me.

Ana54, I have had experiences like that too.

I agree completely with what you say about people trying to change you. People do that to me too.

My mum barges into my room without knocking too! It's so disrespectful, isn't it? Some adults seem to think respect is a one-way street.

This isn't as bad now I'm older, but if I don't finish all my dinner because there's too much to eat, I get told off and grumbled at. Once my mum had burned the rosti, so I couldn't eat it. I never got mad at her, I realised that she is only human and entitled to make a mistake, but then she acted like it was my fault that I wouldn't eat it.

However, for me, these problems are purely with my mother. My dad is always nice to me, and respects that I don't always wanna do the same stuff as NTs, though he doesn't really know that much about Asperger's.

When I'm spoken to in a way that's impatient AND condescending, or stern and condescending, that's the worst.

I'm a bit psychotic for bringing up the two things with my grandmother; I was trying to illustrate that disrespect runs in my family but that's unnecessary, because the disrespect from my mother was enough to warrant something to com;plain about.And most of all, the disrespect from two people who are in my life now. They're the ones doing the condescending to me right now.I told one of them that he's guilty of it though and he says he understands what I mean when I say I don't like that. I don't know if he heard me, though, when I told him he was guilty of it too.

I don't know how to tell my boyfriend that normally he's so nice and sweet and respectful but a few times he used an uncalled-for angry/impatient tone and a few more times a condescending tone, when correcting me. And his mother used the stern condescending tone, saying "No..." to me when we were making meatkloaf in the kitchen and I stopped to comfort my crying baby, trying to get me to let him cry a little (which I wordlessly refused to do). But I don't know how to tell him this. I want too bad to tell him that that's why I'm afraid of living with his mother... and I wonder why I feel this way if I can just tell her to use a neutral tone (I'm not even telling her to stop telling me to let my baby cry.) I guess I'm used to the flight response rather than staying and risking a fight with her. That would be so awful. She's no nice normally. That's part of why I feel bad about bringing this up with Jack. Also, I showed her disrespect by painting her bathroom and unpacking all her packed stuff and scattering it around the house, and she never said a thing about it.So I feel bad saying something about a little thing she did. But I need to, or it will keep happening and then it won't be a little thing anymore.

Also, my other grandmother and others down in the backward place where she lives think that the kid should speak only when all the adults are done speaking (this is NOT the same thing as having to wait your turn. THIS is discrimination.) Also, when she insulted me and I got upset she called me immature for getting upset.

My parents came in my room without knocking so I was caught masturbating sometimes.

I had some favorite clothes but my mother wouldn't let me wear them all the time or in the same week. I think she did that because she didn't want me to get teased in school.

My ex seemed to want me to change because anything I did wasn't "normal" and he wanted me to be on him all the time when we be together every single minute.

Aaargh.

Also, when I was 6 and/or 7 and/or 8 I had these wart-like things that I probably got from the local pool, called muliscum (sp?) contagiosis. My parents yelled at me all the way home for not letting the hospital staff painfully scrape them off (and the first few times I did let them, and it did hurt.) the staff at the hospital gave me prizes for letting them torture me, which is also wrong. Also, once when I said I wouldn't let them do it my mother said "I don't care if they have to strap you to a chair." She wasn't joking; she said it very coldly and seriously and angrily. but of course the hospital staff wouldn't do that, because they knew it was wrong. The time I refused was the last time we went there to remove my "warts". And the ones I had left went away on their own, so the whole thing was unnnecessary and makes me even madder. Also, why did I have to have them removed in the first place if they weren't life-threatening or leading up to something life-threatening?

I know what you mean. I still have extreme fights with my father occasionally which is kind of embarrassing to admit since I have a good loving relationship with him overall. He’s sometime very pushy with me and talks to me in a condescending tone if I forget to do certain things he asks. Lately I’ve been trying really hard to not take it personally because he’s admitted that he does it out of frustration and anxiety with his own life. Unfortunately I still blow up from these incidents occasionally. I have a hard time controlling my anger.

If you’re dealing with people who are grumpy and condescending all the time it’s probably best to avoid them altogether. However, when it’s someone you love who’s only occasionally like this it might be a good idea not to take it so personally. If instead of getting upset you try really hard to be nice and please them they might realize that they’re not treating you right and change their attitude. Getting upset all the time almost always just makes the situation worse and escalates into a fight. At least this is my experience when dealing with people.