My AS if now official. So how do I tell him?

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Over the weekend, I had what was basically an intervention with my therapist, J. She and my mother told me that they had been talking lately over the phone about me, reguarding both my childhood and my current self. J told me that now, after over a year of getting to know me, that she has come to her personal conclusion that I do have Asperger's Syndrome.
When I first came to J, I told her about my concerns. I told her about some of my possible childhood characteristics (unusual interests, peer isolation, peculiar speech, etc) as well as more recent or on-going issues. My mother also spoke to her, telling J what she knows about me.
Now, I often have very good impressions on adults. I always have, especially in formal situations, so she said that if I do have something, it was more likely to be NVLD than AS. She did say that it was possible that I had Asperger's, however, at the time she was leaning more towards a nonverbal learning disorder.
Now, she understands me better, learning more about my past and present. She also brought to light some things both my mother and I overlooked. One thing that made me uncertain about having AS was that I lacked "stims". I never had any of the stereotypical behaviors, at least nothing that I could remember. But then she noted how I spoke with my hands, or sometimes simply moved them, stretching the webbing between my fingers. Alot of people talk with their hands, but I've always been known for being extra expressive. It was alot more noticable when I was younger, and alot of people commented on it. It then sparked a memory from fifth grade, when I onced asked a girl why people didn't like me. She said it was because of the way I moved my hands, but I thought she was lying because to me, it was a ridiculous reason not to like someone. Both my mother and I had overlooked it because it was just "me".
J also said that she now sees the way my issues affect my mental health, giving me constant anxiety and sometimes depression. She also says that some of my suspected characteristics are a bit more significant than she originally thought, a bit more significant than those of NVLD.
My mother also told me that other people she's spoken to, including the head of Special Education at my school, either clearly said that me having AS was likely or that I had some classic characteristics.
Long story short, J said that it was now clear that I very likely have Asperger's Sydrome. I asked if I should still look into a more offical diagnosis, and she said (as did others, such as the Special Education director) that I don't need to. J also said that I should be proud with how I cope with my AS, because I carry myself very well.
I started crying when I got home. Most of me was relieved, because for as long as I can remember, I've always felt different. Especially socially, I have to work SO HARD just to keep the two simple friends that I have now. A little bit of me was sad though, because now I know that THIS has been the problem all along. I've worried and wondered so long, and these questions have been with me forever. But at least I know now that it's not my fault, that it's not because I didn't try hard enough or am strange or something like that. I just think differently.

I'm not going to tell too many people, only one of my two friends and those who I consider to be my immediate family. Two of the three uncles I told so far have been very supportive, and they're happy for me. They're also trying to learn a little more about AS, and I'm really glad about that. My mother, of course, has been so supportive and has checked out a bunch of books as well. The third uncle wasn't negative, but he doesn't know much about AS and I just think he's intimidated by the fact it's considered to be a form of autism. My grandmother is also being very accepting.

I know this is long, so to get to the point of my post:

My father, on the other hand, is another story. I have yet to tell him because, despite the fact that I love him, he can be a complete ass. First of all, he doesn't believe in alot of disorders (even saying that my best friend, who is SEVERLY SCHIZOPHRENIC, just "needs to get over it.") And I know that he'll refuse to listen to me, or my mother. In fact, he will most likely blame her. He's always been on my back for being "anti-social" so I know he'll just say that my social issues are all my fault (among other things)... Basically, I just know that he won't listen and that it will be ugly.
But I'm not going to keep this from him. He's my father, and he SHOULD accept me. And if he doesn't, that isn't my fault. I'm sure I'm not the only one to have dealt with a person like this, and so I'm wondering if any of you could give me advice on the best way to present this to him.

Hi LolaGranola,

I am very understanding of your situation... who should you tell...

My advice is don't tell him - YET. If I'm right he may never accept this fact about you (even if he SHOULD), let alone let it change the way he acts towards you. But if there is a way to tell him I would do it gradually, and in your own time. Its really not worth letting his problem worry you like that.

I have found that I get the most peace when I let other people live their life the way they want, instead of trying to be understood/accepted by them. Muster your courage and confidence, and I think you'll find you don't need to tell him as much as you want to. I gained this outlook from my wife not long ago.

Going along with this idea, suppose he noticed your increased confidence, and your relaxed attitude that comes with understanding ones self as you more fully do now? He may approach you... when the time is right.

So keep it your secret until he's ready to accept you. he might never be ready, but thats not your problem.

Sincerly,

Tim.

It doesn't really sound like there's anything you would be able to say to him that would convince him...

The only thing that springs to mind for me is to try and find some video (youtube?) of autistic babies and show it to him after having shown him some video of some neurotypical babies. A baby hasn't had time to develop anything that they "just need to get over" -- however they interact with the world is their raw response and assuming that their response to stimulus remains similar, it would obviously result in some differences as an adult. In a video you can see how a neurotypical baby crawls around and gets into everything and makes eye-contact and coos and whatnot. And then you can see how the autistic baby sits with a blank stare looking at a book for hours on end, making no eye-contact, not responding to his name or other sounds, etc. just like I did.

Not responding to their name is part of the reason why a lot of AS kids are sent for hearing tests to determine if they might be partially deaf, as was the case for me, and with AS generally shows that the hearing is fine... but what the hearing test doesn't determine is what happens when the child's attention is focused in on something other than the hearing test (which is done without other distractions), or for that matter if or how the child interprets the information and discriminates between sounds. So while your hearing may be "normal" in the sense that you hear within the normal range of frequencies and volumes, you may still have difficulty distinguishing between the sounds of consonants like determining if a spoken word has a D or a B in it. This may be part of the reason why a lot of us look at the mouth, as someone on here said, "it's where the sound comes out", because it helps to discriminate the sound.

These are physical differences in the structure of the brain, just like the eyes or brain are different in a blind person or the ears or brain are different in a deaf person.

But ultimately it doesn't sound like any of that information is likely to matter to him.

Is your Aspiness negatively impacting your relationship? If so, perhaps you should say why. If not, let sleeping dogs lie.

ruveyn