is it not alright to be aspie and emotional?

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i have been a member here for only a handful of months, but i've started noticing a pattern in the way that some people respond to me on here, and i'm wondering if this is unique to my experience or if others get this too:

i understand that logic is important to many aspies, and i do believe that many of us value logic so much because it helps us to make sense of a seemingly irrational and chaotic world. there is comfort to be found in logic. i get this. what i don't get is the devaluation of emotion. i happen to be an emotional person (i am bipolar as well as being an aspie), and always have been, and it shows in how i express myself. now keep in mind i am not talking about raging emotions careening all over the place....just that i have deep feelings, and i try to express them in constructive ways when i can because i think that's healthy, and also aren't emotions an inescapable aspect of the human experience?

judging by some of the responses i have gotten here, i am beginning to feel that this site is no longer a safe place for me to express myself emotionally. if there is any emotion in a post i make, i am told that i am being irrational, and my responses are invalidated on that basis. why is logic so highly valued here and emotion frowned upon? this makes me feel like i am not welcome here, and that i don't fit in here any more than i do anywhere else, because to fit in i would need to be some cold logical emotionless person who never expresses any feeling because it "gets in the way of reasoning". does anyone else feel this way? i'm really struggling with this because i needed to believe i had found a place where people might actually understand me, but this is making that very difficult to believe now. it makes me afraid to post anything anywhere because i just know someone will pop on right after me and tell me my opinion isn't wanted because it's too emotional and irrational, and therefore senseless (and useless).

i value logic as much as the next person, but i have to balance it in my life with my emotions because they are inescapable, and they make me who i am. i am tired of being made to feel like emotions are something to be shunned and repressed, and to feel ashamed of myself because they are such an integral part of me. why should i be ashamed of being an emotional person? where is the logic in THAT?

You shouldn't be. I'm not.

I'm an aspie too, but verrrry borderline--so much so that I can usually pass as merely eccentric. Emotion oftentimes is dominant over logic for me, for better or worse. And there's no shame in that, really--sometimes being more emotional is better than being more logical (there are, of course, times where the inverse is true as well.)

I'm very emotional, I just hide it. And I don't really post it either. If emotion gets in the way of my logic, then screw the logic.
Don't be ashamed of who you are.

I've noticed a lot of people here will ask for help and then ignore all suggestions. I guess they don't really want help, just attention.

And now they will start bitching at me.....

it probably never would have occurred to me to be ashamed of something like that if it weren't for my dad....he was very discouraging of any expression of emotion and he was definitely ashamed of me being bipolar. to him the idea of losing control of one's feelings as happens sometimes when a person has a mood disorder was extremely distasteful. whenever i would get upset, or even just really happy and therefore excited, he would act like i was being obscene or rude or something--so i guess that's where my sensitivity to the issue comes from. i just didn't think i would have to deal with people like that here.

i wish these things from my past didn't make me so thin-skinned. i've been trying to grow a thicker skin my whole life, but i've always felt like a walking raw nerve no matter what therapist i go to, or what "self-help" exercises i do....it's frustrating to work at something for a long time and feel like you've made no progress. i don't know how NOT to be a sensitive person....and i wish i didn't have to try not to be. if we lived in the sort of world where people were kind, compassionate and understanding with each other then it wouldn't matter. but we don't live in that world. we live in the real world. so i'm stuck trying to change something about myself that i don't know how to change. so frustrating

I assume many people her are not used to folk expressing their emotions and they have no idea of how to respond. Perhaps, they just don't understand why one would get emotional over something or misinterpret it. I'm sure I have insulted people that have expressed their feeling on this site. I guess some folk just don't understand or something

Personally, I wouldn't think of expressing my emotions on this site. I don't feel the need to get insulted.

Hmm… I don't know where the myth that reason and emotion are at odds, or even mutually exclusive, comes from. I'm a very right brained, logical, analytical person but I'm also sensitive - at least on the inside I am. I don't understand how logic is supposed to equate with stoicism. I can use logic to study and analyze the world around me but logic doesn't tell me how to live my life. It's just a tool.

On here I just want to be a good listener and offer support whenever I can - even when I can't completely comprehend what someone else might be going through. I try my best not to dismiss or invalidate anyone's feelings because I can't stand it when other people do that to me. I’m always somewhat reluctant to try to give 'self help' type advice to people when I don't fully understand their situation for fear of coming off as trite or judgmental. I really want to try my best to respect everyone's emotions.

If I ever ignore topics here it's usually because I simply can't come up with anything to say. I don't want to say something dumb or trite or offer some useless platitude.

i know what you mean, i don't agree that they are at odds either. i have never felt that way. stoicism just looks like fear to me.

as to support, i don't know that i could really be called a supportive person--at least according to many of the people i have known in my life. i'm so busy looking over my shoulder that i never really feel safe or strong enough to offer that to another person without making myself vulnerable, so my record isn't that great in taht department. i just want to be able to come here and share my feelings and my experiences in the hopes that others will read them and say "hey, i know that feeling" or "that's happened to me so many times, i've been there" and maybe i will feel less alone or freakish that way. i'm not sharing them so someone can come along and say "that feeling is irrational/silly" or "things like that only happen to silly emotional people".

i don't want someone to solve my problems or fix my life. i just want to share with people, and be respected, and hopefully make some kind of connection with other human beings who have been through similar experiences.

i don't know, lately my world feels very small. i don't want to have my hand chopped off on the rare occasions when i try to reach outside of it.

Well, I've been here less time than you and I've seen some emotional types. Mabe you've just been looking in the wrong places Well I personally am not an emotional person, but I'm not one to judge either. TBH I'm slightly envious, I could do with being more emotional. I don't think you should leave the site. Just be aware that others aren't likely to be as emotional.

I have aspetgers and emotions, there is no right or wrong to it, and it is not a moral issue

I am an emotional person. The only difference is I can have difficulty expressing my emotions approriately. As a child my mom I had difficulty expressing myself.

If others are emotional, reading them becomes harder for those who lack empathy. I don't notice how others respond to my posts emotionally usually, unless they are raving mad because someone else or me hurt their feelings in a way that's beyond me. And when they're already mad and throwing around with words (metaphorically speaking) and not considering for a moment that I have no interest in them personally life or do not wish to integrate emotion into interaction, then I find the emotional qualities of others to be very very annoying.

Besides personal opinions and frustration, there's nothing wrong with being emotional or showing your emotions to others often (that's what I do in my everyday life). Emotions are a quality and the ability to expereince them is a talent - and every talent is good and worthy to be explored.

People at work often tell me that to get along with the kids I need to pretend I'm not emotionally affected. Some are quite forceful about this opinion of theirs and go so far as to express their sincere doubt that I'm up for the job. But I'm thinking about the same on totally different terms. I like to show I'm human and I demand that kids or other people whom I direct and instruct respect that part of being human and value it.

Nevertheless, I'm not logical enough to not be annoyed by how my lack of empathy clashes with the emotional expressions of others and be annoyed by being told to stop showing emotions at the same time. I knew I had to posses at least one flaw that made me human haha

I don't know if stoicism is a coping mechanism that actually works for people or not, but regardless it's pretty self-centered for someone to force something non-functional on another just because it's how they choose to operate. For me not showing emotions definitely doesn't make them go away, and attempting to resist certain thoughts is even more futile. Try as I might I can never completely distract myself by staying busy with activities. There's always room for something to seep in through the cracks at some odd down moment because my mind is never blank. I don't understand people who operate by purposefully avoiding feelings.


I'm the same way. My self esteem gets so low that I have no idea what to do. I see other people here who have so much worse problems than I do and I can't even comprehend how they have the will to keep going. I feel like I'm almost spoiled with everything that's been given to me, yet I still don't feel like I can cope with life. I just get so damned empty for no real reason at all, just loneliness and an enigmatic dissatisfaction that eats me apart. I tell myself that my issue is biological, and I know it is to a large degree, but I have doubt that the rest of the world will ever see things that way so I'm stuck feeling morally inferior to all the non-depressed people.


Yup. I want the same thing. Only I don't think anyone in real life sees me as emotional because I don't show much, not that I don't want to. It just never feels right. I really don't feel safe to express myself either.

My father has told me that I need to "stop thinking only about myself and take an interest in other people". This is so frustrating because I have no idea what "take an interest in other people" means when I hardly know anyone. When I see my acquaintances they all seem to have it together. What do I have to offer them? I can't force myself to be this outgoing cheerful gregarious person when I'm just not feeling it inside. If that's all people want then I'm screwed. Maybe eventually I'll get there but right now I really need people who are willing to be real. I fear most aren't. All I ever see are busy social people going about their daily lives. I feel like there's a glass wall in front of me. I can see but I can't touch. Then I just want to retreat because nobody even seems worth it to me.

i can really relate to this feeling of isolation: the glass wall is a great metaphor, definitely what it feels like for me too....my best (and only) friend, who i believe is also on the spectrum and is a member here as well, and i have had quite a few conversations about this lately. he feels the same way about wanting to reach out to people but at the same time wondering if it's worth it, and not knowing how to, anyway, or what people expect.....we are stuck at a "have no idea what to do next" sort of place, and have been for a while. it's really hard not to get depressed when you're in a place like that. we are both struggling with that right now, too. it being late january is not helping (winter started really early here this year, and the weather has been frigidly cold and miserable ever since )

feel free to pm me if you ever want someone to talk to who's in the same boat. i know that when i feel this way (which is a lot, lately) just about the only thing that ever helps is talking to my friend and knowing that at least he understands because he's going through it too.

who you are posting to. Many with AS experience and express emotions although they may be expressed in a different way than an NT person would do. Emotional extremes do exist for those with AS. But some with AS have a genuinely difficult time labeling or understanding emotions and coupled with difficutly with tact, some posts may come across as very judgemental or unfeeling. It's a part of the symptomology.

i don't understand what you mean when you ask "who are you posting to?"--i'm posting to the forum, to whoever wants to respond, to whoever reads it and relates....is that what you mean?

It's alright to be or do whatever you wanna do or be.

I might not have cried at the birth of my daughter or when a close relative dies but I pull my hair out of my head and yell and scream when I can't get my wireless router to work.