hell

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This planet is realy hell. I dont think this place is in the middle i think this is actually hell.

I have seen nothing but suffering and misery.
The bad people out number the good by 1000 to 1
And there is no point to the suffering i see.

I wish i had sucedded commiting sucide as a child.
I cant stand the thought of people suffering.
There is slavery going on in the sex trade.Children are used for porn videos. fathers beat there kids and force them to have sex with them.

Animals are being tourtured so we can have medicin. And people are blowing themselves up just to make a statement.

Childeren are getting adult crimmal charges for bringing a pocket knife to show and tell.
And the list goes on and on and on.

Why is it like this.

I dont know if there is an after life but even if there isent i dont care. I would rather not egsist then see this hell.

I have to see my father who beat me and sexualy raped me as a child and act like it never happend.

And my abuse therapist wont even have the decency to call me back. cause i'm s**t. I'm jsut a fuckken pice of s**t. go ahead call em it i dont care. I'm a fucken hore who deserves everything he gets. i'm a fucken scum on your shoe. I deserve to die. so just get a gun ans shoot me !

The only reason i dont slit my throte and watch myself bleed out on this kea bord is because my boyfriend needs me.
That is the only reason folks.

I'm sick of this planet.
I cant stand the pain humanity, (myself inclueded) is going through.

I hate myself

I'm sorry that things aren't going well for you. We all have our ups and downs. Everyone has their own demons to conquer, some more than others.

We're all here for ya at WrongPlanet, and can feel your pain. If you'd like to talk about anything in particular, feel free to send me a PM.

We're here for ya buddy.

Frank

I have similar thoughts myself.

You can pull through just-me, I have faith in you.

It seems like you are seeing everything through hell tinted glasses - remember for every kid that is suffering in this world, there is one who is laughing, for every father who is abusing his kid there is one who is loving his kid, for every story of pain there is a story of hope.

And I think there are more good people in the world than you think.

Nothing I say is going to make these feelings go away, or make you feel better about the world at this present time, but I think you have a right to be angry and disillusioned and so you should be. Let it all out, and say and feel everything you've kept suppressed and bottled up.

But once the rage and pain and suffering abates, step outside and take hope from the simple beauties of the world; the beauties of sound, colour, light, touch, and taste (all heaven in themselves), and work your way up from there. You will discover there is much joy in life and an excess of things worth living for.

On a more practical note, if you have a disrupted sleeping pattern, and no daily schedule/sporadic meals and exercise and sleep, you will be feeling more down than you naturally feel (due to what is going on), and everything will seem so much worse and hopeless. Maybe just trying to get your sleep right, starting from there and moving forwards, will make a difference to your happiness and wellbeing.

~ sunshower xx

You have to expect the best from everyone, yes theirs evil but theirs also good, the only thing you can do is try to make your world better, the best thing you can do is make someone feel good.

I'm feeling better now.

I start feeling like that when I'm reliving the emotions from my past.

I think it is part of my flashbacks.

I had to vent cause I get impulses to hurt myself and sometimes I feel like killing myself.

But once the flashback is over I feel better.

I take these impulses very seriously because Ive tried to kill myself twice before because of them.

I never succeded because I either stoped myself or tell someone so they would stop me.

Once I took some pills to try and kill myself when I was a kid. Then I toled my mother after I took the pills because I knew I didnt really want to die.
I just had an urge to kill myself and I followed that urge.

I didnt take enough pills to overdose luckley , so I didnt have to have my stomach pumped. I only took about 5 so it wasent enough to do any damage.

I want to tell you what I feel when this happens so you understand.
I get the same feeling everytime I try to kill myself .

I feel like I hate myself and I hate everyone who cares about me. I feel like I want to lash out at everyone I care about. I feel like I want everyone to hate me because I hate myself. Then I reliise I might hurt the ones who care about me and I will be a bad person like my father. So I try to kill myself to prevent hurting anyone. I feel like if I become a bad person it means he wins. Then I feel like I'm being raped and violated on every level then I do somthing , anything to kill myself.

It is very impulsive and it is all driven by the emotions I wrote above.

Does anyone understand why this happens ? If you do , do you know what things i can do to help myself deal with it better.

I dont want to die. I only try to kill myself because I'm so over whelmed with all the emotions I just listed. I cant deal with it so I do somthing to try and kill myself.

Then After I do somthing like take pills I regret it and have to tell someone so I dont die from it.

I am feeling sad as I write this. I feel like I'm a kid again and I'm sad and alone. At the same time I feel hopefull about the future, and I feel safe.

I'm writing what I feel because I thought it might help you guys better understand what is going on in my head. And mabie you can help me, help myself.

I want to get better.
I want to remember everything that happend so I can make peace with it. I want to be a good person and I want to brake the cycle of abuse that my father started.

Any help advice or support would be very appreachiated.

Also , should I tell my abuse therapest about this.

I worry about telling her, becuase I dont want her to commit me to a hospital. I am not suicidal, I only feel like that for a matter of seconds .It wouldnet do me any good to be commited because it happens so rarely and it only happens for a few seconds.

Would she commit me over this?
Btw I live in florida so I would be under florida laws .

Thankyou guys! Wrong planet is such a godsend for me, really thanks.

((((((((((((((HUG))))))))))))))))))

(If you like hugs)

I wish I could do more to help you, but I don't know how. I hope you feel better and that these flashbacks eventually fade away so the true you can shine even brighter.

I agree with sunshower, a safe outlet is not only a good idea, but I think in times of emergency it will be vital. Maybe think of it like a hurricane emergency bag. Gather up the things that are most important to you to remind you that there is good in the world and there are people in the world who will always care about you. And maybe find something like poetry (I read some of yours - excellent poems) or something safe to hit until your bad feelings lessen.

You are very blessed to have someone like just you in your life.

I'm not a religious person by any stretch of the imagination. But one thing that I really think is helpful is the Serenity Prayer, said to whatever god, higher power, or cosmic whatsit you want.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.

I'm feeling a bit better now , thanks everyone.

I'm not 100% but I'm feeling better.

I'm just gona take it eazy for a while.

omg

I feel so sorry for you.
just know things will get better.

check out star of bethelehem flower essence
and bio feedback and emdr they are great for trauma

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