A bit stuck, a bit blue.

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Hey, listen. It's not my style to BAAAW all over the place like I'm about to, but it's something that has been haunting me. I'm sure it might have something to do with my age and this particular point in my journey where I am uncertain of my future, and unsure of myself. I don't have any friends who would openly listen...so if you don't mind, I'd very much like to vent. HERE I GO

The education system. Sometimes I just want to beat it with a stick. I feel that my former years, drenched in the education system, have really hurt me. They tried to mold me. It was disgusting, but what can I say? My competitive nature forced me to succumb. In my naivete, I figured college would be better. A place that I can explore my interests and get the education I need! Right? Well, damn. College is just as much of a joke as high school...and I don't see a need to spend thousands of dollars to be fed the same BS...but I also don't want to be working at 7-Eleven the rest of my life either.

So, I find myself starting anew, but already stuck. I despise the education system because I do not want to be shaped. I want to be "me." I feel that I have found myself, but what I have found I do not like all that much.

In my heart, I want to be an artist. Art is the only thing that makes me happy, but what creative expression do I have? My photography is something I need to work on, for I am a beginner, and I am just beginning to see the world in a new light. My writing...it's a joke now. Why didn't I keep writing? I just stopped suddenly...I grew more isolated and suddenly my gift went away...I think.

Do you guys "feel" God? I am not religious, but there is a force out there that I love to bits and pieces. However, I am not sure if this force, this God, has abandoned me or if it is right beside me. I know it is the same force that lulls me to sleep, and keeps me going, my thoughts being now the farthest from suicide than they have ever been, but when I need it the most, it is nowhere to be found. This uncertainty haunts me. If I was abandoned, then it must mean that God does not love me. If God does not love me, I can not love me.

I've always wanted to write poetry as a hobby, but my words are stuck in my unconscious these days. I know I am, for the most part, unoriginal. I feel like a machine most days. At best, I would say that my writing is mediocre.


There is nothing to confide in anymore. I am unsure as to what to do. I'm wondering if you writers/artists ever feel this way?

I cannot offer much because I am confused as to why it matters either way.

If there is a God, then God loves you, it's as simple as that. If there is not a God, then this feeling is some aspect of yourself being sensed by yourself and therefore is some part of you that you remain unfamiliar with but which is always there as part of you none-the-less.

Draw strength from belief in whichever of these premises is most consistent in giving you strength, since it is certain one or the other is true (and plausible that both are true), and a loving God has time for you to reach the right answers, and an inner strength will grow if you nurture yourself with positive belief. Either way you're in a win situation, it's just a matter of realizing it.

I hope you feel happier and more hopeful in the very near future.

Thanks Pandd.

It's funny, my thoughts on God were actually a very small part of what I was venting about. I'm glad to have read what you wrote though.

Just so you know too, I'm not all buggered out over a small (or medium) predicament...

in fact, I just realized this might be better placed in the art section, as it pertains to whether or not anyone else has ever felt "stuck" artistically and spiritually.

=/