Trapped inside

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No self-awareness, I listen to everyone and take their advice and speeches to bring me down because I'm weak and small. I wish I were the kind of person not to care what others think, but I'm no rebel. I am not free. I shall be miserable forever.

I am desperate to numb myself, as I was discussing in the thread I posted about marijuana.

People assume me a dimwit, they assume I don't know what I'm doing, they assume I'm still the same exact person I was when I was 12, then say I am because I act like a little kid.

Please, do not tell me, 'screw 'em' because I am too caring for that. Also do not tell me to be happy with who I am, having a child's personality is NOT a good thing as I receive multiple complaints due to it, I can not tune them out. I wonder if simply suicide is the answer. I just want them to forget I exist, I am the mutant child out of all 4 of them.

Oh dear, I am very sorry Fickle Pickle, however I believe whatever the answer, suicide is NEVER the answer to your problem I believe. I believe you must be feeling a large amount of sadness to be cursed by such feelings. I believe I too have a rather happy and childish personality, however I believe I am lucky as now I am attending University and the individuals there appear to be very understanding (or just do not speak to me) and I believe I am happy with what they believe concerning me as that does not change the fact that I am happy. However, I believe this took me a rather long time to begin to understand and I too was previously very unhappy. ^^ I believe it is very good that you have posted this happy message. I believe it is best to do so if evil humans are making you feel unhappy. I am sorry if I am not of help, however I am sure you shall begin to feel happy. ^^ Yaye, also, I believe we both possess the same happy Birthday, as I am precisely one happy year older than you.

You could try martial arts, it's great for discipline and self-esteem.

I'm much too soft for that, besides, I don't see how that helps with self-esteem. I can't have any until I have self-awareness.

I'm even too pathetic to sell myself, I should just run away and be a hippie since I am unemployable anyway.

It helps with self-esteem for different reasons depending on the person. In your case, because you think you're too soft for it. It can help you find inner strength that you don't know you have, and a zone of control that you can extend into the rest of your life. Judo or any kind of grappling is especially good for knowing you can control a situation without doing any actual damage.


As for being unemployable, I think running your own business is generally a better option for aspies anyway. You don't need to sell yourself, just have a good product and get the word out. You get to do things your way, and anyone working for you... gets to do things your way.

Yeah, it's a shame my mom hates me and I don't have MONEY!

I feel the same way that you do. Always critized negitively for your Inner Child.

But don't get rid of what makes you happy and you.

Yes, it's a struggle, Yes, It's a battle, Sometimes even a fight.

I'm sorry if I can't give much advice, I strongly wished that I could but I'm experiancing the same problems that you are in these terms.

I still need friends to goof around with and do funny stupid stuff like play public pranks, annoy people and video tape them and put it on Public Access TV, Laughing and goofing around all day 24/7. OH GOD HOW I YERN FOR THAT SOCIAL LIFE!


Let me tell you about Maturity, IT SUCKS AND IT'S FREAKIN' BORING! That's why I hate most adults! And spicifficly My Parents!

I always wanted parents that I can call my older friends! I don't have anything in common with them so it makes living with my parents a more living Hell!

I don't know if it's an Asperger's thing? It's very hard for me to seperate what is Asperger's and what is me. I know being Androgyne / Genderqueer is another side of me, but it seems like all my stresses and fears in life is Asperger's related. Then again, I laugh at death and most people are shocked by it.

Well, I really don't like goofing on people, it isn't my "thing". The only childish things about me are tendency to throw tantrums, crying easily and taking offense quite easily, not understanding simple things, my love of cartoons and having a childish sense of optimism.

Well, I really don't like goofing on people, it isn't my "thing". The only childish things about me are tendency to throw tantrums, crying easily and taking offense quite easily, not understanding simple things, my love of cartoons and having a childish sense of optimism.


Unfortunatly the meltdowns and getting angry easily is part of the Asperger's package. I tryed to take control on it, it's still there even though I try not to show it much. It's like a soda can, you shake it up but the lid is struggling to stay on.

The Love for Cartoons and the Childlike sense of optimism is just your Inner Child trying to set free. That's you good aspect. Your Inner Child needs love but feels insecure and fears the world is after them. Trust me, I also have an Inner Child and studied the Theory.


I also cry easily, but I think it's a combo of Asperger's and that my Gender is Androgyne. My self confidence is very very fraggle unfortunatly. I often have depressing moments of silence and heartace thinking about why I feel this way. My thought is that I don't have friends or a life partner that share my interest. Interests to Aspies are so strong that It's part of their soul and spirit. If anyone was offended by the spirit, IT HURTS! Trust me, even though the public access station talked to me and let me know not to use strong launguage on my show due to some wuss offeneded by it, The bosses there Love the show but I feel kind of scared to diliver another episode of my show even though everything is cool and no one there is offended.

I don't have much of a social life. It's like Cartoonish Humor and Rock Music is my only friend in the world.

Let me ask you this, Do you ever find yourself talking to yourself? I do a lot because it feels good plus it's like I'm socializing with someone who I can relate to, in this case myself. I only do it when my parents aren't home or if I'm in my room.


I don't relate to my parents personality wise, maybe that's why I have such a strong dislike towards them.

Well, I did have imaginary friends in my head, some that took the form of cute things like chipmunks. And if anyone insulted them or said anything insulting towards or about them or responded with an insulting remark after mention of them, they'd tell me to attack them.
Of course, they were quite young so it was nothing lethal, either they would tell me to tell off or play horrible pranks on the offender.

And is it possible to outgrow the meltdowns? Because if so, I can't wait to get that old. I'd wish to wake up suddenly and have it happen, literally.

Unfortunatly, the meltdowns are permanent. It's all about control and bringing yourself into a more confortable envirment.

In my case, I'm living with my parents so I'm always kind of stressed out. Plus I'm hiding in the closet sort of speak.

But when I get my own appartment hopefally it'll be ready in Fall, I will feel more relaxed.

I wished that meltdowns can be outgrown. One of the things that I've noticed is when I was a teen, I was very mature and didn't want to act crazy like a monkey like most of the students there. Now I'm finishing up College and I want to goof around so badly.

Is this part of Asperger's or is it just Inner Child instent. You Mature as a kid but become Childlike as an adult?

I kind of feel like I've always been a kid, I've never outgrew anything

Why can't my inner child just realize I have to grow up and that it has to leave. My family is always trying to make me get rid of my inner child, I feel like my inner child is my primary personality, the child is ME.

And I've also loved some cartoons in a way that would be considered toonophilia.

If the child is you, why do you want to get rid of it? I'm just like you, an Aspie with an Inner Child and everyone else is after me just because I just want to be me. Plus I'm Androgyne / Genderqueer and it's like the world is after me again and wants me to conform to Heteronormality and Maturity.


Trust me, I tried iqnoring my inner child and I felt so misrable. It's hard, it's a struggle but youu need to believe in yourself and all that inspires you in order to gain self-confidence. It's hard for me too, my social life is in s*** and I need friends with Inner Childs. My childhood and teenhood was terrable and I want to make it up to myself one of these days.


email me at ericcrooks@sbcglobal.net if you have any questions about the Inner Child theory and what not. You seem like a pretty cool Aspie.


And to the ToonPhilia thing, I can also relate. LOL For some reason Cartoon Rabbits and Ducks and any cartoon character that has fur or feathers and has a human body I always found kind of sexy. LOL Esspecially the scenes on Looney Tunes when a character blows up and all of their fur or feathers blow off and all you can see is their navel and boxer shorts. LOL I used to have fantacies of wanting to have a electric shaver. LOL

Now I have current crushes on Tank Girl and FLCL's Haruko so much that I'm doing strong research on female masculinity and the ENTP personality type in order to find someone simular.

I have a lot of the same problems
though i get loud and vocal about it
it doesn't matter what they think about you-you must let them know you are happy with who you are and are unwilling to change just because they "say so"
be happy with who you are and they will see this
trust me!
pot is not much of a numming thing after awhile-trust me there too lol
all it does is drain your money and make you mad when you don't have any