help existential crisis

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THe homeopathic is working too well and not well enough. last night it brought back my old personality/mindset i took it back without realizing it without being inside my self to understand what was happening and edit it. I realize now that my old self wasnt all that it was cracked up to be, i had reall negative and convuluted thinking and was really dark and that i was obssesed with things that were of no real value and and some were kinda vile. Suddenly i dont care about recovery recovery movement anti-psychiatriy and college the aparment friends and everything reall people do seems pointless and even dubious. I am wrapped up in existetial knot. I want to be the me i wanted to be and incorperate the things i have learned not start at square one. Im trying to intergrate the true me with me that i want to be within a very limited cognitve/psychological framework. is there any way this can be resolved.

Firstly: This post is convoluted.
Secondly: In many a dreamstate, I too have obsessively tried to solve some esoteric blob of nonsense.

True you...what you want to be... Completely diametrically opposed to what I believe.
Anti-psychiatry? ARE YOU INSANE(Don't...snap at me on that) Anti-psychiatry is **************************************************** (It's pretty much not smart to say wrong of anti-psychiatry and it's banner religion. Google can go where I won't go on WP)

Aaand finally: As far as I know, your personality is what you want and how much you want it. If, apparently, you want to be a "better you", that's because the current you can't achive something for some reason and you merely need to add energy to your current you to make the wish come true, or give up. Changing your soul, your very nature, is completely stupid and pointless. I had a grandma who fringed on the sociopathic all her life. Now advanced dementia has broken down her fear of people and hate, and she's the sweetest lady EVER.

If you give a cr*p about how you act, it means you care about how you're percieved by others. That's a good thing. That means hope.

well i did it i integrated the old me into the new but the circumstances could have been better