Anxiety attacks

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Who else gets these? And I warn you, I don't know when I'll be back in to read this. I'm having anxiety right now, and I don't know when I'll be up to reading responses.

The trigger is fairly stupid, that's the problem. I only seem to get these anymore when I get sick, or think I might get sick. What set this one off was when my son got a minor stomach virus. I'm terrified of stomach viruses, unfortunately. I can tend someone else with one, sure, but if I haven't had it myself yet, I end up fighting anxiety for days thinking that I'm going to get it. I tell myself all the smart and logical things, all the hopeful and encouraging things, I use mantras, relaxation, laughter, and every other thing that comforts me, and usually it goes away pretty quickly. But this time I was already having a bit of indigestion (turns out the incubation on what he had indicates that's all it was) and so right away my mind turned to the possibility that I had it already. He recovered quickly, of course, then two days later, just when the anxiety was subsiding, the baby got it. She has also rallied very fast. All this should comfort me, but it's not knowing, the suspense, the ever-present possibility of this little illness that for hours throws you into a limbo of stomach cramps and agonizing uncertainty. Even as I describe it, I feel silly for worrying so much about it.

And yet, in 5 minutes, 10 maybe, I will return from whatever distraction I find and remember my worry, just the worry, and fight the same battle again. And when I wake in the morning, it's always worse. I have to spend my morning taking it easy and keeping it from escalating, knowing that it will improve throughout the day. Or so it usually does. Only this time, I am finding that I don't even have my peaceful evening to recover because the danger isn't past. I know it isn't real danger. I know that there's a chance I won't even get it, since that's happened many times before with my kids. I know that it's just a small sickness. But not only do I hate throwing up, but the last time I got it, it hit me pretty hard. I had stabbing pains in my stomach, and when I had done with the vomiting, I got a severe headache and couldn't take anything for it. It woke me in the night. My headaches usually don't.

It probably sounds nuts to get this freaked out at age 36 over a bug. That's why I came here. I wondered if this was a manifestation of a fear of change. An illness comes in and it uproots everything while it's here. I've improved a lot in how I handle such things, when they hit. But fear of having it happen is really getting to me.

Fortunately I only have these attacks a couple or three times a year, for maybe a week each, and they're usually not severe. I avoid talking about them because I don't want to feel too vulnerable. And I deal with them pretty well and as soon as I can because they tend to settle in a bit.

Anyone else get 'em? I don't ask for advice, really. I'm functional, just tormented. I don't need a doctor because I know what's going on and I know they treat more chronic stuff, prolonged problems. I figure if I ride this one out for a few more days I'll either get the bug and get it over with, or get past the point where I could reasonably have incubated a stomach virus from the baby (provided no one else comes down with it first, there's three of us left) and be able to relax gradually and recover my sense of security. I'm trying every trick I know to keep my cool, but what I really need is a constant aerial view of the situation and I am too much sunk right in the middle of it, in a morass of the blind future of linear time. And I'm a weenie. I'm fully aware of my positive traits, I'm just saying, in this case, I'm a weenie.

All I can say is.. You're anticipating a painful change. So, of course you're anxious. We hate unpredictable changes that are outside our control. My therapist told me once that obsessing on something is our way of trying to control the terrifying uncontrollable.

Yes, I get stuff like that. It's not about being sick. It's my fear of broken glass and stuff like that that make me panic.

Around the age of 10-12 I was incredibly scared of vomiting. I remember it clearly. If someone got sick at school or in my family, I'd panic and couldn't think of anything else. I was so scared of catching it too! In my case, I'd say it was hypochondria combined with OCD. My particular fear of various diseases decreased as I got older...

Anyway, I hope you will get past it! Good luck.

I get those anxieties sometimes. It's worse when living with children because they bring more bugs in; I grew up with siblings and we'd all be worried when one brought in a bug. We also had emetophobia. It's not nice to feel life put on hold because you know there's a chance you could be ill any moment.

Alright, I'm back. I did end up getting it, but strangely, once I realized I was definitely sick, I was calm as a fish (whatever that means). It still took me a few days to get back on track as I had to patiently keep my diet simple but I'm back to be just plain tense instead of feeling like a marionette with its strings clipped. I can work with tense. I just have to take time to relax.

But the illness was not as severe this time, so that will hopefully help me next time I should be unfortunate enough to have reason to anticipate it. I hate being sick, sure, but the deeper dread of the severe and untreatable headache I think was the greater spectre. Fortunately, like I said, these do always pass, especially once I identify the trigger and address it or put it aside, if I can. I have had times that I had anxiety from trying to sort out too many matters at once; those were pretty easy to stop, once I worked it out.

Donna Williams is the one person I feel gets me better than myself, may help....

Exposure Anxiety as an Involuntary Self Protection Mechanism

Exposure Anxiety (EA) is the involuntary self protection responses of compulsive avoidance, diversion, retaliation.

Often people with EA can handle doing things/communication when it is not 'as oneself' (can do it mirroring someone else, via a characterisation, putting on voices, via song/adverts, only to the prompt), not 'by oneself' (only if their special objects/special person is with them) or not 'for oneself' (can do it on behalf of their shoes, for someone who is less capable etc).

People with EA can sometimes initiate/communicate but often only when the 'heat is off' and nobody is wanting/watching/waiting for their action or response (compliance to a prompt is not initiation) but some are compelled to avoid, divert, retaliate against their own initiations (akin to apraxia).

The solutions to countering EA are outlined in my book: Exposure Anxiety; The Invisible Cage, but in case anyone is interested in some of the underlying causes and here are some I can think of.

Why do some people develop EA responses?

* There are some kids who have EA because they process slowly either because of gut/immune or poor left-right integration and are subject to overload so they get in a constant high adrenaline state and get progressively patterned to respond in an EA way.
* There are some kids who rely on sensing rather than interpretation so they are highly sensitive to the patterns of others - they are too 'open' to the push-pull of shifts and changes in the other person. So they develop EA to protect against sensory flooding and hypersensitivity to the impact of others.
* There are some who develop EA because they are natural introverts and the environment is too socially 'invasive' for them
* There are some who develop EA because chemistry problems like salicylate intolerance causes a cocaine-like high, exploiting emotional extremes and progressively teaching the child that social interaction is too overstimulating and needs to be protected against.
* There are some who become addicted to their own adrenaline state and start to pre-empt this chemical high when others make directly confrontational social approaches (a bit akin to social phobia)
* There are some who have an inherited pattern such as bipolar who develop EA when they overcompensate for feeling constantly emotionally out of control by responding self protectively to externally initiated emotional or sensory overstimulation.
* There are some who have Tourette's or OCD tendencies for whom the involuntary and compulsive avoidance, diversion, retaliation responses of EA may actually turn out to be a chronic manifestation with a similar underlying neurotransmitter imbalance.
* There are those who are so possessive of the sanctity of their 'autistic world' (the 'them and us' thing) they develop EA as a response to this threat to 'their world' or 'identity'.

So there are lots of reasons for why children develop EA and someone can be a whole combination of one or any of the above, perhaps even a few others I don't know of. All of these issues have solutions but conventional approaches often are limited. © Donna Williams