don't know anything

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I don't know if anyone remembers me I joined some time ago I stopped writing after I reached a hundred posts then the fervency deserted me like it often does.
My friend has left the country and I'm a little down. It's really lonely. It's funny I don't always cope with negative emotions I feel detached and I'm sort of happy most of the time and I avoid all sad or depressing thoughts like the plague because once they grab me it's a free fall so I'm usually cool calm and collected but I don't feel the world's perfect at the moment. I don't know why but suddenly I'm not confident around people any more it's like when I was little everyone knows I'm a weirdo inside an odd one out stuff it. Stuff it stuff it stuff it. It sucks.
I'm supposed to have lots of other friends but I can't face them now. They're scary cos I don't know what's the right behaviour. I can't go to parties without me best friend I'd be lost. I don't even know whether I can read replies or reply to replies so I'm thanking you in advance.
This is going to make the hundred and first post. Breaking convention. I've stopped making sense. I'm feeling a little better now I guess I needed to talk to someone.

You're in the right place. You need to talk and get a response from someone who gets it.
Do you have an old thread that goes into detail about your story?
The more detail, the better. Keeping it to yourself doesn't pay.

My newest rant is in "Cassandra’s ugly sister"
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt94944.html

Its difficult to lose a best friend especially one that you feel can carry you by helping you out in the areas you dont feel comfortable or confident in. I had one such friend and over time we drifted apart. My health deteriorated and ever since then I've been scared to show him whats become of me. To be honest its nothing really bad, but I suppose I'm a bit too negative about myself. I know its difficult, but hang in there. I dont know if your friend is permanently displaced from you but if you can stay in contact with this friend then do it. Good luck....

Thanks Tahitiii the four-'i'ed lady,

There is no old thread that goes into detail about how I'm feeling right now. I'm just a bit down after my friend left. It's difficult for me to understand why I feel the way I feel but have been wondering since I read your post.

My conclusion is it's most likely because of my Internet addiction. That's gone past the worst bit now though, I don't sit up till the next morning and skip work any more, that happened only once. It's a hard earned position too, would be stupid to let it go like that. And I'm not drinking heavily every day right now. But I'm still trying to control the addiction. I still often sit up late and get up with a headache the next morning. All these sleepless nights must be taking its toll on the chemical balance of my brain.

Thanks i_wanna_blue,

My friend and I had a lot of fun together and I could be silly with her around. She brought out the best and the wackiest in me. There's little chance she'll live nearby again. I'm waiting for her e-mail reply.
After she left I started to get paranoid, which is what I sometimes am, and started wondering whether everyone actually secretly thinks I'm not a team player, which is true. I think a lot of us have felt we have an invisible sign that says 'I'm your usual outcast, bully me, talk behind my back, spot me in the crowd' hanging around our necks, invisible only to us but not to them. I started thinking I may have lost my opportunity to hold onto my work because of that. No use thinking about that, I know.

I will hang in. I need to control this before it gets out of hand and turns into real depression again. That will kill me. I hope you're in better health.