Desparation and Frustration

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I'm Matt. I decided to go to school one last time on Friday to see my "friends".
"You've known Matt way longer."-my friend
"Ya, but I feel way closer to you."- a b***h
Well I'm at that age where friendship is the most important thing to me in the world and I
don't seem to have any close friends and that was exactly the kind of thing I needed to hear to know for sure.
If I ever post again I guess it means I'm still alive. I hope I die tonight but I may not have the willpower to finally end it all.
P.S. earlier 2day, the b***h called me up after so long of never doing that and asked me to hang out and I blatantly said no and gave no explanation as to why and then I regretted it so much and I cried over it.

Don't do it besides you're young and goodlooking.

You can't let this get to you in such a way that it renders other possible ties to people. I know what it's like not to have friends but that's not the kind of people you want to have as friends is it?

I know for me I had to split my ties to some of the most negative people, it was them not the loneliness that was getting me down. There are better people in the world, sometimes I forget the people in my life that have contributed their time with me.

Suicide is a terrible option, I know because I've been there many times. I had to get a lot of help for this and if you do it, realize there's no turning back......that is if you should end up dead instead of an emergency room having chemicals pushed down your gullet.

Don't kill yourself! If you are suicidal, go to a hospital as soon as possible. I've also been suicidal many times in my life starting when I was 12 or 13 and I'm now 26.

Matt,
Is there anything we can do to help?

it's not really fair to scare us, you know. Is there a phone number we can call to see if you are allright, rather than have to wait to see if you ever post again?

Merle

Life improves for us Aspies when we leave school-hang on in there things will get better.

As a sidenote if you do come around - a alternative to killing yourself is calling back, apologizing, asking if you can hang out some other time... and if they say no you creepy bastard, then bow out... Life is full of second chances.... and thirds, and 4ths....

Actually, I think I'll tell my parents I'm suicidal and show them my cut up arm and see what happens then before I surprise them with a real suicide. I'll get whatever help I can get from them or whoever. I want another chance at a good life but I can't keep living like this never talking to anyone about this stuff.
Hopefully I'll get to hang out with someone this weekend(that would be a first in way too long).
Edit: They changed the title of my thread from I'm committing suicide as soon as possible!

Last edited by protest_the_hero on 06 Mar 2009, 10:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I found with the people I work with that after HS, life is a breeze.
Hang in there.

hey matt pm me if you need to talk any time. you and are about the same age and i've been in almost the exact situation as you, so i'll most likely know where you're coming from.

and don't, please DON'T harm yourself, the feelings will pass. read my signiture because its true even if the person(s) are far away. please trust me.

EDIT: you posted as i was typing, and i want to say that you are taking a good step in telling your parents. i didn't and almost died because of that.

Last edited by Evenflowman454 on 06 Mar 2009, 9:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.

that sounds pretty good. They would like to make sure your cut up arm doesn't get infected and stuff.

Merle

yo gotta wait until you turn 21 - you have no idea what you are missing. life gets sooooo much better for aspies after high school.

But the best advise I can give you is NEVER, NEVER, NEVER give up, can you promise me that?

shure, you may have been thrown a bad hand in life. But play through it, there is something about the human struggle that facinates people.

THIS IS YOUR TIME, I urge you to write a blog to help other people in your situation. This is what you are on the planet to do right now. If there is any time that I believe a divine hand is present it is now. You can use this moment, this time for good...

I have been through this road and I am on the other side, I know people who are on the other side of this long night. They use their experience to help. There was one night in my past where I OD'd on SSRI's and I was worried the entire night if I close my eyes I will not wake up. Death is permenant, problems aren't.

However I am better now, and the people I know are all better. Feelings do not stay life long. What you need to do is to go to your nearest medical centre and get a Form 1, you will be placed in observation for a little bit and you will have someone to talk to.



By your side,

The Forgotten Darkness

Telling your parents is a good idea. If they want to help, great. You're ahead of the game. If you don't get the right reaction, don't internalize any crap. Go to your (internal) happy place or hang out here at WP until you can tell a teacher or adult relative or friend's parent...

I wish I could quickly summarize what I want to say, but you can't really teach this stuff.

Don't regret doing what you need to do to protect yourself. Shutting people out is sometimes necessary. You don't need to explain to people who aren't listening, especially the people who hurt you.

Do you need permission to be honest about something? Permission is hereby granted. You need someone, somewhere, who can hear the truth.

If I get the wrong reaction from my parents I still might kill myself. I haven't permanently ruled it out.

Ah no...sorry...you do NOT get to erase yourself when you can express complex concepts so simply and succinctly even when you are still so very, very young...you don't have the right, not when you have so much potential to be able to speak for all of us.

But for now, USE those words for yourself, to get, if not all the support you really need, then, at least, all that is available.

M

you are a cool dude - wait a few years and you'll be getting laid here and there. chicks dig guys with your type of face.