i wanna die

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im fast but never won a marathon, im a disabled loser, i live with dad, i've been hospitalized, women hate my guts and i'll never find a flipping job. life's a b***h. If your gonna make fun of me then f off and go elsewhere.

I find the sentence "I wanna die" creeping into my conscious mind at least 10 times a day, which is new...

Aspieguy101, I feel a bit like that too; I never finished high school and lived off my boyfriend and now I live off my parents.


Gina, is your wanting to die due to the long waiting list to get a diagnosis of AS? You might only get help after it's too late.It's terrible that they only take people when it's too late for them, because often it's only then that their symptoms start to show. So now, when it's not too late, is the time to start asking for help; tell them you want to die.

analysis:

you are mistaken, but its a common mistake.

you do not want to die, you want:

1. to win a marathon
2. to be a winner
3. to move away from your dad
4. to not be hospitalized
5. for women to love your guts
6. to find a job
7. for people not to make fun of you.

seriously tho, death offers you none of the above.

have you ever yelled at the weather? i have. litterally. i live in norway, weather can really get testy up here, like, a freezing goddamned cold wind will tear my face off, and not quit blowing. i will push and struggle against it, but the wind doesnt care. the wind has all the time in the world. the wind doesnt need to give me a break.
so it doesnt give me a break, and blows into my face CONTIOUSLY the whole 35 minute walk home.

sometime during that walk, i begin to yell. i scream and curse at the wind. i challenge it to blow MORE. to bring on a hurricane, to f*****g fling me out to the open sea, if it dares.

toughen up. its easy for me to say, but thats why i say it. killing yourself takes an effort, screw that. 90% of everyone in here are currently going through what your going through. relax, your among peers!

aspieguy101: I wish I could think of something helpful to say. Still, it's good to rant. This is the right place for it. What else is happening right now?

Ana54 and Kilroy: Why can't you finish school? There's gotta be a free night program for adults or something, probably at the local high school. I would think it would be less stressful than the kid school. If it takes two years, you'll be two years older anyway, with or without it.

I used to think I was a total loser because I was hospitalized 11 times for bipolar between the ages of 16-26 (none since then!) I thought no one would want to be with me, and besides, I'd never even had a real friend before. So, I married the first person who showed a constant interest in me, settling.

After 6 years we divorced. I also felt like a loser because I've filed bankruptcy twice. I don't know what good it does to beat ourselves up for our past. It just shuts us off to real possibilities.

Our past does not define us. We define who we are.

You have that power too.