Hating life, feeling suicidal

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I am being physically forced to attend school EVERY SINGLE DAY, despite the fact that I completely hate it and even thinking about it makes me feel like there's no point in living.

Apparently nobody cares how I feel while I'm there, as long as I turn up.

They won't help me, I can't get an official AS dx for another two years unless we go private, which Mum won't do, the headteacher refuses to believe I have AS at all...

I ran away yesterday. I ran into the countryside surrounding the village, and sat near this farm and a little water station for a while. It was lovely and peaceful, nothing like school. Then I decided to see if I could get back home and the house might be empty, but Mum was still there and Dad had taken the day off work too. A policewoman came to the house. I had to go back to school in the end.

I could get taken into police custody if I run away again, apparently. I have a good mind to do that, if I'm in a cell I can't be in school, can I?

Does nobody realise that the fact that I would rather be in a police cell than in school could be indicative of a problem?!

The school counsellor says I have no problem in school just cos I'm intelligent. That's BS. They only help people who are completely dense, or so it would seem.

People keep saying that I have done well to come into school everyday for the past few weeks. I HAD NO CHOICE! I was physically fighting my mother to get her to leave me alone, but to no avail. I have tried EVERYTHING it is possible to try so I could just stay away from that place, but no, nothing.

I have no civil rights because of my age - it is acceptable for people to drag me to school if I refuse to go. It hasn't come to that yet, but they could. Just because I'm 13 doesn't mean people should be allowed to treat me in that way.

I see absolutely no way out of this. I can't take another three years of this pure unmitigated hell. But I don't wanna die.

Help!

hi-I went threw this same situation

PM me if you want some advice
(I work better 1 on 1)

Well legally, you seem to have no choice but to go to school.
But is there maybe a different school you could go to, that might be more tolerable to you? Or would your parents consider homeschooling you?

You're probably not explaining the severity of this to them properly. I know you're trying, but you may be coming accross as just a brat, so they tune you out.
If your school has a counseler, or a teacher you like, maybe calmly discuss it with them and ask them to intervene for you?
Or if you're religious, maybe a church official?

I hated it, too. It was so bad I almost went mad. Well, I did go mad.

I wish I could tell you what you can do to make it better.

One thing that always helped me was to use elective mutism. WHen I stopped talking I felt safe and felt that although they were taking so much out of me, they could not really or truly access me. I felt safe.

If you do this, you might want to tell your parents so they do not think you are regressing or going crazy.

I always tell my famikly when I do this now so they do not htink I am going nuts again.

gina-ghettoprincess,
why not see if can get put in a unit for people out of school for whatever reason [long term truenting,expelled etc],ex next door neighbour-who was also friend of sisters went to one which was based at the local youth club,she was a long term truenter from a grammar school.
And another way would be getting home ed or a tutor who comes to home.

I'm with the suggestions of changing school or homeschooling. If you haven't done so already, you might try explaining to your parents, etc as specifically and calmly as possible why you can't stand going there - it's harder for people to be dismissive if you're calm, clear and esp. specific - outbursts and rants are more likely to be dismissed as throwing a tantrum. It also might help if you explain your thought process - not just what things you can't stand, but why and how they drive you up the wall.

It was my experience too that as long as you're not causing the teachers trouble, and your grades are fine schools will just assume everything's fine with you, even if it's in fact pretty bad (though in my case it was never so bad that I would have preferred a police cell).

On bad days, I tell myself that my PhD is a temporary condition and not a life sentence, that it will end. And something can be done about just about all problems to make them at least a little more endurable, with the exception of dying.

Thanks for your help, everyone.

Changing schools / homeschooling is out of the question, it's too expensive and I can't get anyone to help me because they don't believe I have a problem.

I try my best to explain to everyone how I feel, but they insist that everyone goes through the same thing.

This may seem like a silly suggestion but mabe you should just accept your fate. You say you've managed a few weeks at school (you say you were forced but still) so what's stopping you from attending the rest of it?

I know what your going though but I'm GLaD to hear your back in school. If you avoid school too much (like I have) it just becomes harder and harder to return untill it becomes implausible. My advice is just try make the most of it, although I don't really know your situation I would assume attending school is the most beneficial thing you can be doing right now. So next time your in school just bare your teeth and get it over and done with. Dunno if that'll help at all but good luck an' all.

Maybe if you gave detailed examples? It may be that most people do go through similar problems, but the difference is one of degree - just as everyone's been through digestive system troubles but that doesn't mean that peritonitis isn't a serious thing. If so it's crucial that you convey the extent of the problem and not just its nature.

At worst, bear in mind that with time things do change - others change school and new students arrive, teachers leave and new ones are hired, you take different classes with different teachers, and the same people themselves can change.

Heres what you do.
Just get through High School like everyone else and when your out you won't have to deal with school ever again.
Just get by. When your feeling depressed, think "I can get through this. I can prove myself wrong. I CAN get through this."