Really important I need some help with this!?!?!

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Ok im a male, 15 years old ( lots of problems occured and i got my diagnosis's, including AS at about 13, yeah im considered High-Functioning ), military family, really loud and khaos enclosed life style; I've been told by my parents that i am loved dearlly, however nothing is lved about my mind and feelings; I'm really only wanted when needing help with mechanical, engineering, and computer problems occur, and im usually blaimed for them To keep this short i'll explain how im feeling without the examples; Mentally i'm Severely Depressed, Anxiety Disorder, School Phobia, ADHA or OCD not determinded yet, and AS; Physically little bit over weight not more than like 10-15 pounds, i breath heavy all the time, i have braud shoulders, huge upper body, i can't control my own strength, pretty much a cave man body; Socially, well even without AS im not social in fact im considerablly Anti-Social, im isolated, no freinds/GF, im very creative and intellectually savey if you will, so what i consider cool, intresting, ect...., is usually hazardous, i get yelled at alot because of it, can't read faces worth $#!^; I used to fool around when i would say that i lived in hell, now it's not so much humor as it is reality; My parents have been planning a trip to Disneyword/Land for about 6 month's i was never really on par or wanting to go , but i guess they were so worked up in it they didn't notice my feelings; I don't want to go, i feel almost worse because of this, but right now i dont need to be in " The Happiest Place in The World", every thing is already reserved, and i leave in one day My mom takes feeling's way to hard, and my dad just dosen't deal with them, i am maintaining a ok status on the outside, but im being ripped to shreds, and falling to pieces inside, just spent about 30 mins in the shower having a meltdown. I have tried face to face talks, family therapy, even having a mediator; nothing works my parents ... sadly are becoming a lost cause, thats very bad! I have "Me, My-self, and I" to talk to, and reason with, it dosen't work as well as it looks on paper; I feel nothing more than pain every day, "im not sucidal, because i have already died" ( not littrally ). I need to know how people live on there own without having anybody to look after them or them to look after another, im going to try to regain some status with my parents, but i have litterally stared them in the eyes at times, saddness crawling over me, sounds echoing through my now empty shell, silently yelling for help, and what happens ...... " Hey, whatcha do'in " ... maybe it's because my parents are NT's idk, but it's like trying to ask a stranger to come help get your life set up, its not really easy or even possible. I have tried to hold my self-back, for most of my life as the wise one to be quiet and give anwser's, but turns out im the one in need of help, im on my 2 year of therapy, not one peice of $#!^ has changed, i'm very pestamistic so i try to be more relaxed and happy, but i can't i really dont think at this "point", i can change much.

I'm looking for some serious advice to help me atleast get through this upcoming week, i have an 11 hour drive, 7 days of walking around millions of people, and then another 11-12 hours drive back. I don't care how rude, or miss-understude you are, i really need this help !?!?

NomadicAssassin,

"Sinking in the ocean of life, with one hand in the air hopeing someone will grab it"

Sounds a bit like me at your age, and I hadn't been diagnosed, I was just weird.

Fortunately, my parents weren't big socialisers, and if we did go on outings it was mostly something that I enjoyed doing anyway, so I can't be much help in that regard.

I don't know if you have given us enough time to be of help with the coming week, you might just have to grin and bear the trip. Maybe take along some books on topics you like, or some music you enjoy to help pass the time.

You don't say where you live ... but what I think might help is if you could find one of us older aspies living nearby and have them talk to your parents and try to educate them a little, even mediate. Young aspies can hook up with old farts pretty good. In my experience, many parents don't like to acknowledge that any of their children are "different", and therefore won't discuss the matter or try to learn how to be tolerant, or heaven forbid, even become helpful and supportive. Yes, I do know of parents that are very supportive, but very many prefer to remain in denial.

Yeah well i was thinking of staying home, and letting them go, but i don't know if things can be arranged so i dont totally waste there money? I would ask them, but if there is one thing they both have in common it's getting angry when i mess up their plans, even though i have been telling my mom from like 3 months ago, nearly every day about how i was nervous about it and didn't really want to go, but i guess they missed that too. I'm finding that my life is running in to more and more " Catch 22's ", because of how my parents react towards, my feelings and asking's if you will, and while some say it's that whole sepereation process, but i'm not ready for that, even my pshcyatrist said that i'm like 2 or 3 years behind on the whole independence stages; however the rest of me such as, intellect, maturity, ect.. is almost a1 year ahead of me. So yeah im still trying to figure out how to handle it, because it's going to be like this for the rest of my life. Everyday i jump into these different year stages if you will, one day i'm feeling a bit more like a 13 year old because of the maturity issue, and then the next day, I'm wanting to pour liquid nitrogen into a valvue that feeds a special lining around my computer case to keep it cool, because it release around −196 °C ambient tempature to nearlly keep processors, video cards, and motherboards from ever going above there lowest possible temp, which increase performance on overclocking; While im going through these day's im also self teaching my self Physic's because i can't make it into the school might as well teach as much on my own to make it easier on my-self. So right now im trying to decide wether i should really pull my parents to the couch and idk sound more serious ( like someone died or something ), and tell them that the repercutions of the trip might not even the scale of oppurtunity cost, and inevidablly have the bad out way the good; but i don't know if im going to or not, if i do it means that i can garuntie a very bad mood from my parents, and that only for there moods, i might still be forced to go, so i'm in some really tough turm-oil, in my head.

This is an example, of how one thing in my life, throws out another two things, and so forth until i have my meltdown. It sucks and i dont know how to continue through it other than moving foward

Humour your parents, it is their trip.

"Green Eggs and Ham"

Yes I would humor them, but I have done that far to many times, the only reason I ever did it was because I thought after being nice to them maybe they would try to conform or change a bit, but it never happens; I know that the way I'm talking sounds cruel, but if you lived in my life you would understand well enough, I used to think they both loved me, and I still do, but it doesn't feel like that at all, it feels empty and hollow now, I don't have any body in my life except maybe my grandma, that I can say that they still love me, no one dose any more I havent felt happy in a long time, I still smile, but I do that for no more than to fake feeling ok. I'm alone, and a bit scared, because said reason, my brain is still like two years behind the whole indepent thing.

I will have to humor them, there is no other option, but pls if any can still try to figure out what I can do, I would be very greatful, even if it takes you some time, as the first reply stated I did ask for something that can't be accomplished in a day.

NomadicAssassin,

Don't give up on being able to communicate with your parents. But, I wouldn't hold my breath either. It's hard to say. Have they always related (or not related as the case may be) to you in this way? Maybe they're going through a sort of transition of their own: like not yet realizing that they need to relate to you as a young person, not a child. Maybe not. Anyway, I wouldn't wait for them to start. Perhaps you could seek out a mentor, some older person you can confide in, and who will listen. Someone you can trust from school?

If you do have to go on the trip, you might want to bring something to distract you from the noise and crowds. Like a video game, Ipod or sunglasses for example.

I don't know if this helps, but I wish you the best whatever you decide.

Definitely go for a Ipod or a games system, i listen to music nearly all the time just to drown out my constant stream of thought and avoid madness though boredom (not kidding). also take a note pad to do sketches or make notes on creative ideas, ect, it really helps me.

i suggest most of all you enjoy Disneyland, i went to Luna Park (the aussie version) and i really got a kick out of the rides. the car trip and the crowds wont be worth it, but u are going either way so you might as well try to have a good time.

Sometimes it is easier in the long run to just ride out things that will be over fairly quickly rather than stressing about them.

I sometimes have people propose really stupid and inefficient things at my workplace. Depending on who the other person/people are, I sometimes just go with the flow rather than try to convince them, in the end, convincing them would cause too much friction and would take more effort than just going along. The other aspies where I work have adopted the same approach.

That might work for the trip ... but it sounds like you still need to address the long term issues of getting your parents to understand, and start giving you a bit more of your own space.