Weird experiences, I don't know what is going on!
Since my DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder AKA multiple personality disorder) thingy started up again, I have been experiencing things that I don't even know if it exists. You see (well I have schizoaffective disorder as well....basically a walking DSM IV, yay for me!) I have this 5 year old that comes out and I "lose" time (sometimes more than 50% of the day). But while I'm myself, simple things such as reading has been increasingly difficult for me. No, its not really a concentration problem...the words actually LOOK weird! I'm surprised that I can even read at all right now! I never heard of that condition besides dyslexia, but its not dyslexia either. I still can spell perfectly though, but sometimes when I write, the entire word is backwards until I correct it (this sounds more dyslexic though). Its like I'm reading a different language. It takes me longer to process the words. My surroundings appear weird as well (but this might be derealization due to the DID/anxiety). I also have been making really weird sounds that doesn't even make sense. I don't know if this is considered a stim or not from the autism, but why would it just suddenly come in the last few weeks? I have been autistic ever since I was born. Also when I speak, I stumble over words...they won't come out properly...totally random. I walk and speak like I'm intoxicated but I haven't had any alcohol...being drunk without being drunk. I can't even balance myself when I walk (I know those kind of problems can be an ear thing but I feel no pain or pressure in my ears). I know when I turn into my alter (the 5 year old) according to my parents she has the reading level of a 5 year old. I'm terrified that I will "integrate" with her, making my mental age 5, even though my chronological age is 26. What makes no sense is that would technically make me mentally challenged with an IQ of around 30 or so, but for a mental retardation diagnosis, you must have onset of before age 18. I also read words wrong, I actually "see" a different word than what is really there for awhile and then a few seconds later I realized that I saw it wrong if I am making any sense at all at this moment. My alter has also written things (and I don't even remember doing it) and when I saw it, everything was like a little kid did it, I mean a 5 year old. I'm constantly getting her thoughts in my head, trying to come out at inappropriate times. And I think I'm hallucinating again. I heard voices a lot today, that hasn't happened in awhile. They were talking about me, I kept on hearing my name in there but I don't know exactly what was being said about me. I don't know if that is the stupid schizoaffective acting up again, or is it part of the DID because I know you can have auditory and visual hallucinations with DID as well. I don't even know how to tell that I am hallucinating because every time I heard my name being called, I ran to my parents and they respond, "I never said anything!" So, do you know what explains all this?
CanyonWind
Veteran
Joined: 11 Sep 2006
Age: 74
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,656
Location: West of the Great Divide
You're developing a much more sound understanding of when things you experience must be hallucinations, no matter how real they seem.
In spite of all the difficulties you're having, I think that's a good thing.
_________________
They murdered boys in Mississippi. They shot Medgar in the back.
Did you say that wasn't proper? Did you march out on the track?
You were quiet, just like mice. And now you say that we're not nice.
Well thank you buddy for your advice...
-Malvina
mikemmlj
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: 13 Mar 2009
Age: 55
Gender: Male
Posts: 193
Location: Albuquerque, NM
The really weird sounds thing is something i do as well, at work i call it my "purely emotional" language. I forget the correct spelling but if you are taking Serroquil i just had a buddy that was changing his dosage on that medicine and has been commited to a hospital.
_________________
The Giants and Trolls win, let us die on the right side with Father Odin.
| Similar Topics | |
|---|---|
| Is it weird I feel I'm not meant to make friends? |
Today, 2:22 am |
