... without realizing.

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How am I supposed to know when I am pissing someone off when they laugh and take it as a joke????

I know I can hurt people's feelings without knowing about it, because, like every other AS'er, that mechanism that tells you what people are feeling without directly being told, is missing.

I wouldn't mind if people just openly said 'Shut your mouth, you're being a dick.' I'd rather that than for me to try and gauge my own behaviour and fail. But no. I'm supposed to magically know when I've said something I shouldn't, even if someone shows no overt signs of being annoyed or hurt. Way to mess with an ASD girl's head.

Should I just die??! !

Thanks for listening.

Take it from its source. NTs dominate society so they selfishly try to make rules to suit their egos. Logic tells me that if someone is too screwed up to just honestly say what is on his mind, then he deserves the consequences. Everyone has a mouth and brain, but only the haughty believe everyone's mouth and brain should work like his does.

It's not any AS person's job to die to please NTs. We have just as much of a right to live as anyone else does. Don't be brainwashed otherwise. If you blindly accept what others dictate you to be, then you're making them your god. Ask yourself this question, "Do you think they feel like they could just die because they make you feel bad?"

I'm NT and I have the same issue. People aren't honest, and most people don't appreciate blunt honesty. Personally, I would rather someone tell me like it is, even if it hurts my feelings, because at least I know where they stand and I can do something about it. I don't always know what others are thinking either unless they tell me, nobody can read minds. If they laugh when you hurt their feelings, how is anyone suppopsed to know that? I have learned the hard way that what you see is not always what you get.

Don't put too much effort into trying to change who you are. If you hurt someones feelings and they tell you, apologize and tell them that was not your intention. Remember, you are NOT responsible for other people's feelings. If they have a problem with what you say and they choose not to address it, then that's there problem, not yours. It took me a long time to get that and be OK with it.

Hang in there!

Remember the golden rule: "Treat others as you would have them treat you." Think before you speak. You could probably benefit from someone that tells you, "Hey! What the heck is that supposed to mean?" Ask people "how" you offended them. People in general expect you to read their minds. That's why there is no "real" communication going on. I end up apologizing and asking them to explain how I insulted them. Often I've been pushed around and insulted and was told,"Well, that's just the way they are." Sometime we have to be "just the way we are too". Others should understand that as well. But good communication starts with opening up and sharing how you hurt them or how they hurt you and coming to a resolution instead of shutting a person out and declaring them an A-hole. I love people who say, "Hey, you just pissed on my leg! What is the meaning of this?!" Then you get a better understanding and can apply this new knowledge to future interactions. That's why many people who come from large famililies communicate better. For example, when you sister disrespects you, you are at liberty to ask,"What the hell did you do or say that for?!" You don't just glare at them and say, 'You're not my sister anymore." You still have to live under the same roof as them. You're forced to work it out amd make it work. Here's another example: When I am out with my husband, he likes to look at females. This doesn't bother me except when the other female gloats on it. I told him this. He still likes to look at them but when they look back and start gloating, he stops.
The majority do not look back but on occassion, you'll get a b***h that gloats on this attention and enjoys a wife's insecurity. A woman of quality will never gloat and acknowledge the attention. They quietly (in their head) accept the compliment and keep on going. He admitted to me that he enjoys looking at attractive women but doesn't want anything from them. This ended a lot of fighting between us. I do exactly the same thing. I too look at attractive younger men but if they try to engage me in conversation or gloat on it, I let them know I have affection for husband alone by moving closer to him and holding his hand or giving him a peck on the cheek. Some idiots actually believe that I'd throw away 15 happy years for a pair of athletic shorts. How immature! People have to realize that everybody looks at everybody. This doesn't mean your relationship is over based upon a physical attraction. If I left my husband just because I looked at a cute guy, I would've left him a 100 times. Why would I do that when I love him dearly? If he did the same to me, he would've left me 500 times. "Communication" is the glue that holds people together. Assumptions, suspicions, games, and getting even are what breaks them apart.

im undiagnosed, and all my life my mother and brother has just learned to be very direct with me, simply by experience.

when i ramble, they tell me to shut my yap cus theyre not interested. and every time im all "oh... "

so... even if people DO tell you, i dont think it makes much difference :]

I hate when someone falls out with you and when you ask why, they act like you should already know. What gives?!

I've gotten so that I just don't care anymore. Outside of my family and congregation, there are very few NT's I trust.

Thanks for the replies, people, I appreciate em.

I feel really bad for being hurtful to my mum lately. But on the other hand I honestly didn't realize it. I wish people would make more overt social boundaries.

I know...and you ask them 'Why didn't you take me aside and tell me I was hurting your feelings?' Usual response: something along the lines of 'Consideration isn't really consideration if you have to ask for it.' I will never understand.