Stupid and Physically Weak?

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Have any of you guys ever been accused of being stupid or physically weak?

Time for a rant...

I am sick and tired of the blatent disrespect I get on a daily basis. I dont know if its just sarcasm or what, but it still hurts. Hardly anyone understands that I am very sensitive to any kind of teasing. Even one of my friends have told me that I just need to be less sensitive about things. If it bothers someone, you stop doing it. End of story. Some people dont understand that. He really isnt much of a friend to me anymore, but the only reason I still talk to him is because I have to deal with him at lunch and in one of my classes. That and I cant even freaking sign on to Xfire or Steam without him saying "sup" almost immediately after I sign on. Thers no use trying to get him to back off anymore, ive tried. Anyway, back to the topic at hand...

I get the feeling that many people dont find me particularly intelligent. Theres even one person who occasionally refers to the "Ed Plum paradox", which he defines as me looking and acting intelligent, but im really not o.e... Im viewed in my school as that weird kind who tries to act intelligent, but is actually stupid. I am not arragant at all when I talk to people. In fact, I am quite polite to them. I do absolutely nothing to come accross as unintelligent, or so it seems, and I have an above average IQ. I think people look at my grades and think that a 2.8 grade point average is an accurate way to measure someone as unintelligent and stupid. Meanwhile, they get A's all the time, so its no wonder they think that way. Ive even gotten into an arguement/discussion about the morals of sexual behavior. Im not even that strict about it, but apparently they think its ok and encouraged to just find a girl, have sex with her, and bump her the next day. I "need that", they've said. "Have you ever had intercourse with a girl?" "Almost. Technically, its not concidered intercourse." "Thats not good enough, Ed." This is a different topic, however... 'The Stupidity and Immaturity of Alpha Males'. That sounds good.

Anyway, I have also been accused of being physically weak. I am small for my age. 19 years old, 120-122 lbs, 5'5", petite body frame. When I tell them I weigh around 121 lbs, they seriously dont believe me. They say "No you're not! You look like you weigh 60lbs." Im sure they exagerate when they say 60lbs, but what are they trying to prove to me? Ive been called scrawny, tiny, and one girl in gym even said to the person who threw a dodge ball at me, "aww, dont hurt him!" Come on...really? Did she honestly think a foam ball is going to cause me damage? Rediculous. Shes a bit smaller than me too, so I dont understand it. Proportionally, I am just as big as everyone else. If I were of average height, id have just as much muscle mass as the other guys. Without my shirt, I honestly dont look that frail and scrawny; ive got some tone and mass on me. I dont look like a body builder, but I dont want to look that way anyway. Im not going to walk around without a shirt on though, but even if I did, im sure people would still make comments. Im pretty strong for my size, but no one recognises it at all. I can remember a few years ago, the teacher asked for "2 strong people" to help her carry books. I voluntiered and she said something, but I forget what it was. Nevertheless, I was still regected on the count of me apparently appearing to be too weak to carry a large stack of 40lbs worth of books.

Have any of you had problems such as this? How can I learn to cope with all the arrogant, civil disrupting a**holes?

If it makes you feel better, you're not the only one. The way people sometimes talk to me, you would think I was physically disabled. I remember in first year, my friend who was shorter than me but heavier, was allowed to lift a stack of chairs. I was told 'You'll barely manage one, will you?' I'm talking about light plastic chairs that school kids sit on...

Everyone bugs me about my wiry build, too. They say things like, 'I can't believe you're over 8 stone.' It really annoys me. No one asked them.

Coping? I'm not sure this is good advice, but I just take it up with people. If someone tells me I shouldn't lift things, I point out that I can actually bench much more than that, and tell them they shouldn't judge a book by its cover.

I’m usually viewed as creepy, aloof, and cold by most people. I found out in high school that some guys joked behind my back that I would be a school shooter someday. Since I never found out how to solve this problem, I’m afraid that I can’t offer you any advice. Once people place labels on other people they usually tend to stick. Sorry.

People have actually said to me that id be the one to come in and shoot everyone in the school. Jokingly, of course. That one didnt actually bother me, because I do feel like doing that sometimes, but I would never do so or even have any serious thoughts about it. Morals say I should make peace with everyone, and life sentancing isnt my thing. Concerning labels, I have quite a few, actually. "The ninja" and "the samurai" are just two of the main ones. I show a little interest in ancient japanese culture a few years ago, and people assume im obsessed and delusional because they think I "think im a ninja/samurai". Ive also had to deal with people saying to me "he thinks hes Japanese" or "didnt you wish you were Japanese before?" Oh and then theres the "Hey Ed, do this (attempts to immitate asian eyes). I want to see what you look like Chinese." People astound me sometimes...actually, all the time.

Plastic chairs? Now, theres no way they were being serious. I still understand your frustration though. Even if they were joking, it would tick me off too if I had to deal with the "joking" every freaking day. Constant joking = harassment. Ive tried correcting people, but that just worstens things.

Once I get to college, ill try to re-invent myself. I need to project the image of someone who you should not mess with, but is sweet and polite. Kinda conflicting, I know. I just need to learn to be cold and distant to anyone who treats me unfairly and with disrespect, which is something I have a hard time doing. I smile too much.

Same here, intelligence is important to me.
So I used to let everyone get amused by my awsome intelligence. That's aswell a sign of stupidity (for who?) , if you are not able to talk like a stupid when everyone is pretending to be seen as stupid or careless or even when they just are like that then you are the "slow".

As for people saying you are not thin... people is not being sarcastic, and they are giving you a cumpliment.

I used to believe people was making fun in a misrespectful way of me because I'm small and no one takes me seriously and all the comments, but my boyfriend explained me that that's the way people try to find an unformal conection with you, trying to tell you "we find you cute and cool, inspite or even thanks to your size" instead of just "scrawny" or "tiny.

But when I make the same comment then I get the opposite answer: "i'm crawny"or "i'm tiny", " nuuh! you're not!" means the same answer "we find you cute and cool in spite or even thanks to your size, so for yourself it shouldn't be important"

Yet, there is some mean people that do meant those comments in a bad way, I still cannot find out sometimes when it is so, so I'm being paranoic about what people meant to say when I cannot understand them, I always think they meant it in a bad way and actually most of the times is not like this.

Cheers!

You sound a lot like me in high school. When I started HS, I was told that, "These are going to be the most fondly remembered years of your life". They were not. And yes, I had the Columbine line thrown my way. And yes, sometimes I would fantasize about such a thing. The suckiest thing about HS is, you're stuck around vile a**holes. Once you have graduated, you can avoid them much more easily. College was a blast compared to the hell-hole that is high school. College kids are much cooler- they don't stereotype. Teenagers still irritate me, and I often wonder how I got by with my sanity intact. The best advice I can give you is to ignore them and avoid them when possible. Aspies can have trouble asserting themselves, but if people act uncivilized to you, do the same right back.

It sounds like people do not think you are unintelligent, but they do think of you as being socially clueless. To an NT, us aspies come across as weird. The best way to appear normal is to keep quiet. Do not initiate conversations with the people who make fun of you. We are over-sensitive by diagnostic definition, so do not let them tell you to stop taking things seriously. If you are being make fun of, you have the right to be upset.

As for the physical aspects of your problem: Work out. You don't have to go to a gym and lift weights or anything, just start out by doing twenty push-ups a day, and 50 sit-ups (make sure you stretch first). You're built like I was, and I can tell you that doing a little exercise helps. For one thing, it makes you feel better. It's a fact, exercise improves your mood. In time, it will also improve your self-confidence. It isn't a sin to look good. You can be a moral person and still be fit. A little extra muscle will not turn you into an a**hole. In fact, people will be less likely to mess with you if you fill out a little. An extra plus: Attractive girls really do notice once you start exercising. Everyone wants an attractive partner, but if you do, you have to make an effort to look good yourself. Of course, you want an intelligent girl with a personality, but if you would like a partner that is physically appealing as well, you better be fit too. In this world, unless you have money or are a comedian, you need to be physically appealing to attract the attractive. Since you have stated that you have an interest in ancient Japanese culture, why not take up karate, or some other martial art. Emphasis is put not only on the body, but also the mind.

Best of luck to you! Keep us updated.

-Dean

I dont think their insulting words are their way of saying they think im cool. Ive been told outright that im cool by some people, so it doesnt make sense why others wouldnt.

I think thats it, socially clueless. I can vaguely remember someone mentioning that very thing, now that youve reminded me. I do project social cluelessness very much, so that defenatly explains why people think im stupid. That and what Dianapilla said; if I dont act like everyone else's intellectual level, or am incapable of acting like everyone else on their intellectual level, ill come accross as stupid to some people.

I actually do weight train. I try to every other day. Ive even posted a question concerning that on the health and fitness forum, or whatever its called. I really dont want to buff out, because thats really unappealing to me. Id rather have smaller, but toner muscles. Some size, of course, just not huge. Im a traditional martial artist too. Muay Boran and Xin Yi techniques are what im practicing now. Like ive said, I honestly dont look frail and weak, so why other people think so is completely incomprehensible to me. Its like they take one look at my height and they instantly assume im weak without even taking a better look at me. Ive been interested in martial arts since I was 13, but have only been seriously working out since mid last year, but ive already gotten some results. No one notices my results, except my own mother and sister. I might get a family member I havent seen in a long time to notice, but only if my mom points it out. I go to a school where 90% of the people are either stuck-up preps or arrogant jocks. You can see where my problem is now.

Im obsessive about my appearance. If my hair doesnt look right, as it often doesnt, it drives me crazy. That, eyebrow grooming, interest in clothing, being very picky about my clothes, odd fashion sense, having a more feminine face, and using certain creams for my face are the main reasons ive been called gay before, but that doesnt bother me. They are just immature. I do have a great personality, and id make an excelent boyfriend. My ex would surely give a good review of me. I dont see myself as unattractive either, maybe an 8-9/10 on a good day, but 6.5-7/10 on a bad day. Im quite flirtatious when im comfortable with the girl, but most just see me as a friend for some reason.

I never initiate conversations with anyone, except a select few people. This summer once I graduate, it will be my time to start re-inventing myself. Ill try to be more assertive, project that "dont mess with him" vibe, but still come accross as nice and polite. Ill be getting a job too, so that will help with my social skills lots. Then next year is college, which im actually looking forward too.

Don't worry about looking cool. If a loser thought you were cool, then you would be a loser. If there is even one person who likes you for who you are, then that should be good enough. It's better to have a few quality friends that lots of crappy ones. Everyone has people who do not like them. Hell, the popular people are hated more than anyone. My main point, if they don't like you, f**k em. Try to not let it bother you. I know the main focus of high school is to look cool and climb the social ladder (although it should be getting an education), nobody cares about popularity after high school. In my own personal experience, the popular people fall apart after HS. I'm 6 years out of HS, and a lot of the popular people look rough now and are going nowhere fast. In college, nobody gives a hoot whether you were Mr. Popularity or not, what matters is smarts. So study hard now so that you can do well in college.

That's good that you're active. Keep it up. Jobs really do help with social skills.

Being physically weak is not a bad thing.

Bigger, stronger people may be better at ball sports, but there are social advantages of being smaller. To learn more about this, you can read my essay, The Weaknesses of Competition for Individual Strength and the Evolutionary Value of Small Size.

P.S. I hate the word 'loser.'

All the time!

Oh! sure!! I forgot you are talking about high school! yes... were bad years as well for me, later on when you can choose who you wanna hang out with things will get better... you will find out that if you look in the right places you will find very cool and interesting friends that finds you cool and interesting aswell... even if they are geeks.

Until then, keep away from guns ;-P it will only bring you more problems (jails have a more heavy and unpleasant social training place than colleges or working places )


Good luck surviving it!

Dianitapilla: lol surving it. That reminded me of Shaun of the Dead. Yeah, id never kill someone. Id have to be completely psycho, out of my mind to blast everyone at my school. And if thats the case, id probably get out of jail by reason of insanity. Even in my worst days im no where near that.

Mike: I read your essay, and I like it. I defenatly agree on the advantages of being smaller, and your theory on how a smaller brain would be able to think faster even if the signals are traveling at the same speed. I know being physically weak isnt a bad thing, but for my lifestyle it is. Remember, I mentioned that im a traditional martial artist, so there really isnt any room for weakness there. Unless of course, you just like doing the movements, pretending to fight and dont really care how powerful you are. In that essay, you mentioned how maybe in the future we will find smaller people more attractive, thus making humans smaller over time. I actually do find small girls more attractive. If I found someone that was petite like me and also shorter, that would make our kids small as well. Now, I know thats setting them up to be harassed as I was, but I am very proud of my size. Its like I have a sense of pride for short, meso-ectomorphs and I also want to prove that we can make even better fighters than tall, pure mesomorphs. My own little experiment, if you will. Ill defenatly be raising my son or daughter as a martial artist, but im obviously not going to be one of those obsessive parents who wont leave their offspring alone about it. I like my size and body type (although my muscle development could be better), so I guess it doesnt make sense to be complaining about being harassed about it. I just hate being disrespected and im sick of it.

Johnny: Im actually not too concerned with looking cool. If people think I am, great. But if not, oh well. I just want to be myself and project a good and attractive image. If I tried to act cool, it would actually do more harm than good. I couldnt care less what height ive reached on the social latter. I just want people to like me, and many do. I just seem to often times forget that. That is defenatly encouraging about college though. People not caring about cliques or social positions.

I actually did, when being bullied in high school, get to the point of telling everyone that when I left, I was going to come in with a machinegun and kill everyone who'd been bullying me.

Not wise, I know, but I was 12 at the time and sick of being constantly bullied.

No, you do have the right to be annoyed by it. I understand, I get sick of it too.

I really hate when someone KNOWS I have an issue about being small and slight, and they still make comments like 'I'm afraid to hug you in case I crush you.' That's like telling an anorexic they are fat.

Yeah thats just horrible. Ive never encountered something like that, but yeah, I agree.
My hair is long (and groomed ), so of course I have had to deal with hair comments. Most arent really making fun of me, more on the lines of just plain rude. For example, "what would you do if I just cut your hair right now?", "I should shave your head", and the hair pulling. Yeah, pulling my hair in high school. They tug on my ponytail and often times hard enough so that I have to fix it again, since im so neurotic about how my hair looks. Most of the time its just to get my attention. Fricken annoys the crap out of me, especially when they do is right in the middle of the hallway between classes, and I cant just stop and fix my hair. Then I have to walk the rest of the way with a messed up ponytail.

Then theres this one guy who likes to sit behind me in homeroom who ive voted as the most annoying person in school. He likes to punch my arm to get my attention, frequently talk about ATV engines, how hes so "cool with the janeters", and a bunch of other crap that I honestly dont remember because I try to block him out as much as possible. He just goes on and on and on and is just plain rude and disrespectful to me sometimes. Yesterday I almost flipped on him and said with a half raised and annoyed voice, "why are you hitting me?". It was during the stupid morning silence thing so I got a few shushes, but I ignored that. Im close to getting the teacher involved, but here comes my social problems. I dont know what to tell him or how Jeremy (the annoying guy) would react. Im not afraid of him, but im worried he'll somehow harass me about getting the teacher to tell him to shut up.

Damn, if he's distracting you, you should tell the teacher...but then I've had the exact same behaviour from peers, and the teachers didn't do anything (which was why I ended up home schooling).

So, I can't really think of a good solution....I'm sorry.

Try to remember that when people pick on you, they're looking for a reaction. If you don't give them one, they'll move on to someone else. They're looking to exploit weaknesses, because they are cowards. See if you could get your seat switched. Somewhere close up front so that if someone else starts bothering you, the teacher is more likely to see. If the bully asks why you switched seats, tell them you couldn't see the board well.