Is this normal for aspies, or am I psychotic?

Post Reply New Topic

I've had to deal with some crap. Family members telling me that it's the mature thing to do to give up on your childhood dreams and just go get a job. The same family members telling me that I shouldn't marry my fiancee because I'm too disabled to ever hold down a job (I was having panic attacks at the time as well, but this person wasn't helping.) and doing this for so long that it was all I ever heard.

Now, I'm living with my fiancee's family who thinks I can be cured, ultimately meaning getting rid of the AS and being just like them. Now, whenever I hear about someone being unfair, cruel, or manipulative, I get so mad that I end up wanting to kill myself. I've had some extremely violent fantasies and even gotten to the point where I felt like I understood serial killers better than their victims.

It scares me. I don't know what to do. I can't talk to anyone about it because, with the people who I trust enough to tell, they don't know what to do. I can't afford to go to a psychologist or counselor. I even posted earlier today that someone should be locked up for pushing someone down. I hate having done that. I'm sorry. I don't know what to do.

I contemplated suicide earlier today. I don't know what to do. My fiancee lives across the country and can't afford a visit. I need help. I'm afraid I'm going to lose my mind...again.

[quote="HardestPartOfLife"]Family members telling me that it's the mature thing to do to give up on your childhood dreams and just go get a job. [quote]

Man, that pisses me off more than anything because when you're a kid they tell you that you can be anything and such and then all the sudden it becomes the opposite when you grow up. What the hell, I tell ya? Parents cant seem to make up their mind about how we're supposed to go through life dont you think? heh

You sound like me minus the fiancee situation. I can't believe that your parents wont let you marry on the account of that...especially since your fiancee is probably more supportive and understanding of you than everyone else in your life I take it.

I don't think a psychotic knows they are psychotic, wish I could say something helpful to you.

It's not my parents, it's hers, that are saying that. Of course, she had been unable to find a job as well, but their style of raising her wreaked a good amount of havoc on her self-esteem and ability to find work. Undiagnosed AS while being raised by people who don't believe it exists is really hard.

On my end, the fact that psychotics aren't generally aware of their own issues kind of helps. I'm more afraid that I'll look over the edge so much that it'll be a quick fall and a hard drop at the end.

You don't describe the typical symptoms of psychosis, such as hallucinations or delusions. Yes, I think the number of people who are unaware of being psychotic is around 60% but don't quote me on that one.

QFT even if that person is diagnosed with a psychotic disorder.

That is if they're aware of what state they're in.

Anyway, I can relate, I've often felt mature in some places but very immature in other areas like relationships.

Before I was DXed I had family members asking why I wasn't dating like my younger sisters as if I was gay or had been molested in the past which wasn't true.

I spent many years in and out of hospitals for suicidal attempts due to meltdowns and depression and they aren't worth it, I had to get a lot of help. I'm not sure what to say to help your situation but I know how you feel. I'm an adult but still have trouble with growing up.....whatever growing up really means.

It's very tough to deal with these issues and especially when you're alone.

Are there any helplines you can ring? I mean, like the samaritans or something similar? You need to talk to someone & if you don't have the money to see a counsellor, at least ringing a free helpline might benefit you for now.

About understanding serial killers, I can relate so much to that, it sounds like something I would write. Take my word for it, if you don't get some kind of help these 'fantasies' or whatever you want to call them will only get more frequent & more disturbing regardless of if you want to think about them or not.

verbalize your fears and frustrations - that helps me a lot.

you're pissed cuz you're losing control over your life and people are pushing you, something I myself despise. + "cure" you haha, what? You are who you are, you can learn how to socialize but I hope you won't change or discard the true essence of who you truly are. Don't let anyone press you into something you don't like, you will end up living your life as something else and it will devour you till you snap and go on a killing spree or hurt someone (you including). The sense of not having control over YOUR life is horrible, don't let anyone tell you s**t or you're just another puppet on strings.