ok well.. Once again.. Driven by love I attempted to move out and failed miserably. I fell for someone online as usual then when I spend time with the person it's like they realize how uncool I am and end up getting sick of me. As far as aspergers goes, after a while I'm really quiet and over all I just suck at socializing in general like a lot of people here I'm sure. But those were the parts that were "annoying" to her that I didn't "talk enough" etc. See, this is what happens when I fall in love, all common sense just flies out the window -.- anyone else like that? I'm just too emotionally unstable (when i fall for someone it happens insanely). Anyway in a nutshell this is what went down:
I was planning on moving out anyway, so she invited me to come live with her cause she liked me a lot etc, even called me hot after showing her pictures. (her pics made my jaw drop too). So I got a job lined up and flew out there. Then I arrived and everything was great for maybe about a week which is when I guess I ran out of things to talk about. The more time I spent with her the more I knew how madly in love I was with her. I was the sweetest thing on earth to her too, always doing her favors, always being nice ie, telling her how shes beautiful/awesome. I'm not afraid to admit, yea, she was a heavy set woman, and although she hated her body I loved it, in fact I've never seen anyone more attractive in my whole life. (I have no pref. of how I find someone attractive). Nor have I felt so strongly about anyone. Then she started to have less to do with me, lying about almost everything, ordering me around, at some point I told her I had a lot of money so she took advantage of that, and she started to just straight up disrespect me to my face on a daily basis. At the same time she showed a lot of effection too so I wasn't sure if she was just a screwed up person or if she just hated me. I knew she was screwed up to some extent but I still loved her. Maybe she still liked me but shes just messed up like I mentioned before, so I was willing to accept that cause she still drove my heart crazy anyway. Every time I saw her smile/laugh/or just being happy my heart soared, when she was upset it killed me, and I felt comfort just from being near her. I mean, what was I supposed to do with feelings that strong? Obviously I wasn't making her happy but I was so determined to do so I just let it continue, figuring I can change myself somehow in the future so she would like me more. But no, as I should have known, it got much worse, to the point where she was threatening my life every once in a while over stupid s**t, like me accidentally saying something I shouldn't have or whatever, and at one point she ended up spending over 300 a day of my money. I still had a lot left, and could care less if I had because I don't spend it so I just said "whatever". Money never bought me happiness anyway. After leaving a store I saw how happy it made her and that was another thing that made me think it could get better somehow. Anyway, it didn't and eventually she got so cruel I was finally able to screw my head back on and realize shes just a b***h who felt nothing for me in the first place. Any good treatment from her that I got was fake. Of course this happens when I'm broke and forced to move back anyway (I was too depressed to find another job or really do anything, hell I was even starting to neglect hygene after a while). Now I'm back in my hometown where I originated once more, feeling like s**t just like before. Even a while after I got back I found it hard to keep her out of my mind but now that I think about how cruel she was (stuff I don't want to mention) it just makes me sick now. Still I feel horrible, stupid, but at least I learned my lesson.. I hope
22 May 2009, 5:41 pm
