Suicide - general discussion, thoughts and advice?

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Suicide or suicidal thoughts seem to be very common amongst aspies. I've had such feelings all my life and have had serious bouts of depression and also one very serious suicide attempt a few years ago.

Why are we aspies prone to suicidal thoughts?

In part I think lifestyle has a huge impact. If your life stinks then you are likely to think more about terminating it.
I think medicines are only part of the answer or a way of perhaps making you care less that your life is bad.

Some people have suggested it is because we don't fit in and feel rejected. That maybe the case for some people, but at the time of my attempt I had two jobs, no money worries and a very full life.

Sometimes it is attributed to low self esteem but I have strong self esteem, perhaps a bit too much because some people find me a bit arrogant.

Maybe we aspies don't find the daily grind of life fulfilling. If I'd got the money I'd happily spend my entire life devoted to whatever is my special interest at the time. Life intrudes though, responsibility to family, to earn money, pay bills. Life can easily become "pointless", like running on a treadmill going nowhere.

What advice and opinions do other aspies have on the subject? Why are we more inclined to suicide than NT's? What tips do you all have to stave off such thoughts?

Yeah...I've had some suicidal thoughts in the past and I still have some now. It depends how bad my life is going. I dont know if my experiances of it relate to my aspergers. I've had some interest in suicide for a couple years and that contributed to me wanted to kill myself. I never tried though, but I came pretty close to trying once. And if some events hadnt occured, I probably would have tried.

Its easy to want to end your life, I found but its not easy to actually do it I've figured out because suicide is such taboo in todays society. In a way I wish that we did have the option to die. It almost seems like its not an option.

It's an option, but no one wants anyone to take it, since it's hard to undo.

I say as I said before, we are the end of our genetic chain at the moment, it's our reponsebility to stay alive and breed. That's why all our forfathers lived and died.

I have 5 scars slashed up my arm that I wish they would fade and they won't. Every one notices them.
If my DD was to ever die I would have no hesitation in killing myself, if I was to be suicidal, I would.

i think that attempted suicide is the same as attempted murder and should warrant the death penalty.

I like dark humour.

That would empathetic and doing them a favour wouldn't it because alot of people want to but don't have the guts.

I made several unsucessful suicide attempts in my teens and I decided I would only do it again in a very brutal and sucessful way. I nearly constantly want to commit suicide in varying strengths. I find life very painful and I feel it is not for me, I am in this world but not part of it.

My father who was very similar to me in character died 7 years ago of alcholism and it was definately a slow suicide (passive suicide). I have had real problems with drink and drugs in my teens but stopped both when I had kids over 10 years ago. If I did not have children I definately would have killed myself by now. I eat a lot to cope with my feelings because I cant drink or get stoned and I find that nothing else works like substances to deaden the pain.

Ive had a special interest in self development and meditation, I do yoga and have had therapy but nothing has worked to heal me. I am still a broken person who is full of pain. The only way I cope with not killing myself is to view it like the craving for cigerettes or drink and to just do nothing about it.

I find it a constant battle not to drink and just sink into a bottle and escape from the world. Ive found it worse since finding out about aspergers as it seems more permanent and less hope for change, I know now that I will never be able to do the stuff that others do and how fruitless all the working so hard on improvement is. I find people patronise me a lot now and see me as less than them, especially in parenting circles people view you as dangerous if you have any sort of diagnosis.

I am more reconsiled these days to walking alone through life and being unlikeable but I still feel drawn to death and life just hurts so very much.

It seems to me that guts are needed for suicide but guts are also needed to live. Most people just live out their life muddling their way along until the grim reaper takes it from them through old age.

I think a lot of us aspies seem to be less resilient to the crap that life can throw at us, we don't cope very will and it tends to make us suicidal.

I'm not suicidal, never have been. I don't really get depressed either, I just get frustrated and cynical and need deep isolation until my mind goes back to it's normal happy-go-lucky state. whenever I have an episode of such, let's call it depression, for the lack of a better word, I just wish I could travel to some desolate island where I'd be forced to fight for food and water and shelter, and where I'd have real problems, like how to survive the drought. my problems and problems of other people seem ridiculous and petty to me at those times.

I thought of the idea of suicide many times and it always seemed just purely illogical. I'm not convinced it would solve any of my problems, or anyone elses. I also don't get the whole cry-for-help thingy, if I needed help I'd go and get it. so a pure pragmatic here.

but because I like to be prepared I have thought of suicide extensively and how to go about it if it ever becomes necessary, for example in case of grave illness. I'm not a fighter so no miraculous recovery would ever happen to me in such situation. I also hate hospitals, so basically if I ever got bad news I'd take a few days to make arrangements, write a few letters and then I'd check out of this world immediately. for me it would be the logical thing to do.

You're not unlikable, I like you

I relate to most of what you said. To me life and the world is almost like a mistake. I feel like shouting "Hello? Why am I here? I'm in the wrong universe?". A square peg in a round hole wondering why and how it got there.

I only found out about Aspergers last year but this has made things better for me. Now I know why I'm different to most other people but the same as many people on WP in lots of very specific ways. It is a sense of relief, now I can get on with my life and make the best of it.

I've had several "attempts" at suicide in my life, the first when I was around 13 years old. I planned to hang myself. I was up a tree with the rope around my neck and tied to a branch but just could not jump. Another occasion was with tablets but I stopped after taking a few. The third attempt was when I was a student and I walked down the middle of a busy road stepping out in front of cars.

A few years ago I had just had enough. Nobody knew how I felt except me. I just decided I'd had enough of life. If I could have simply flicked a switch to turn myself off I'd have done it. Instead I headed off in the countryside with a bag full of painkillers and lots of other tablets. Basically everything in the medicine cupboard. I settled under a bush in the middle of nowhere and swallowed hundreds of pills washing them down with half a bottle of whisky. At some point I must have passed out.

The following morning I was surprised to wake up. I'd been sick while unconscious and thrown up most of the pills. Realising I'd failed I turned my mobile phone on and called for help. I ended up in hospital with hypothermia for a couple of days but other than that unscathed.

I have a feeling that I will not die of old age. Sooner or later if events are bleak enough I'll likely take my own life; but hopefully it will not be for many years yet; and hopefully never - it would be nice to die of old age in a warm comfortable bed.

I can understand why some people do the cry-for-help thing. I think they simply do not know where or how to ask for help, or fear they will not be taken seriously. People have a habit of underestimating just how bad another person feels and can be very dismissive.

I've never done the cry-for-help thing. I probably never will. If I ever try suicide again I'm confident I will not fail. It will be quick, decisive and without pain. However, technical aspects aside I have no plans in that direction Life is fairly good at the moment.

I've learned one useful thing that may be useful for others. I used to spend too much time worrying about what might happen or what might go wrong. My mind used to dwell on such things and make me feel depressed over things that may never happen!! ! I've learned not to get caught up in such negative thoughts. I think mindfulness and meditation have helped there. It doesn't mean just live for today and don't plan for tomorrow, it means enjoy today but plan for tomorrow but don't worry about tomorrow.

I like you too Oli I am so glad you are in my life

I feel that I fear people knowing me and intimacy and if people get close to me they will recoil in horror of my true self. I automatically dismiss anyone saying they like me as evidence that they obvioulsy dont really know me (or they wouldnt like me).

I think this is why relationships are so hard as I assume there is something wrong with someone if they like me romantically.

And would you like me if you spent the day with me, or would you fume with irritation

I relate to what you say as well.

yes, suicide feels very inevitable and definately in my future/ my path.

I find mindfulness meditation very helpful too, perhaps it will help more over time.

I find people are very uncomfortable talking about suicide which makes having such feelings more difficult, I am really glad that you made this thread.

What I am trying (emphasis on the word trying ) to do now is to figure out how my brain is meant to work and try and figure out why how my mind works clashes so badly with the world. Perhaps if I figure this out I will be able to forge a life for myself that I can actually cope with, and then I might be able to move on with my life. Because it has been since childhood that I have felt I couldnt cope and I adopted bad coping mechanisms. Nobody was there to help me then and I realise now that it has all been going on for a very long time. Healing is a difficult process. I think that is why a website like this is such a godsend, and so important.