Handling Critism, Questioning, etc.

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I know that I have a simular thread like this but this one is more asking how do you handle it.

My Parents got pissed at me for not studying and not passing for my driver's written test. Even if it was off one question. They told me that I should have studyed better instead of not prepairing myself like that. I got angry and almost started a shouting match with my parents and I got angry with them for not giving me positive support saying "Don't worry, lots of people fail the first time".

Instead they told me to take in critisim and move on.

Now I got to go to my therapist and explain things.

I've written a little letter to show her just because sometimes it's easier to write than speak.


"I came here today because I have a problem handling criticism and being questioned. It’s a common problem since I have Asperger’s Syndrome and I can not read social cues. I find myself being too defensive and gaining an aggressive attitude towards criticism because I feel that it‘s a personal attack towards me. Most people take criticism and move on. I fear that life wants me to conform and not be myself. But then again, I’m probably just blowing things out of proportion. My Self Confidence is very fragile and it‘s hard to gain. And I’m very hard on myself if something is my fault."


I'm trying not to be too hard on myself but then again, I feel like crap tonight. I feel like I want to cry but I can't. I feel doomed but part of me says not to be. I'm very confused. It's a problem that takes time my parents say. If there's a problem, I WANT IT FIXED RIGHT NOW! I'm aggressive when it comes to stuff like that. It sucks because I thought that I've battled every Aspie problem there is. My parents told me that I'm going to have problems for the rest of my life like everyone. Life Sucks!

Yes, life does suck. Don't handle it by crying unless there is a death in the family or something majorly sh***y like that. Focus on getting the test right next time, once you have your license it won't matter that you failed the test once. And even though life sucks it does not suck all the time. With experience you will get better at dealing with stuff. Many of my valuable lessons have come from trying something new and falling on my face.

So I guess it's all about life experiences then. I fear critism so I'm not sure how I'm going to react to a certain situation. But yeah everyone is always working on a new situation all the time right? Even when I'm 24, I'll probably have problems that I need to work on. Everyone does, right? That's kind of what my parents said. Thanks

I find it useful to note there's two parts to criticism... the info and the tone it's delivered in.

I meditate to calm myself down, then I work to separate the two... review the info: is it useful, accurate, regrettably true? Or is it not relevant, mistaken, or unreasonable?

Then I work with my reaction to the tone... it's not about whether or not it was a personal attack, but how I react/respond. I try to take responsibility for my own emotions in the situation... that's really all you have to work with. What's going on with the other person is not something you can solve.

And remember.... NTs don't automatically take criticism any better or they wouldn't be complaining about Aspies being so critical. It's a skill everyone has to learn to get by in the world.

Yes that is pretty much what I was getting at Eric. I was making mistakes long past 24, sometimes real bonehead ones. And your welcome, don't let aspie traits derail your life.