Funerals

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My friend's brother died last week, I just found out late this week and he told me the funeral was today (Saturday) if I wanted to go. I've been freaking out about it ever since. Somehow in my 25 years on this planet I've managed to not go to a funeral for the last 10 or 15. Other than two family members dying when I was a kid, I haven't known anyone who's died.

So the problem is, not only would I be going to this alone (there will be lots I know there though) but I also have absolutely no clue how to act. I have a very different concept of death and in the past people were bothered by the fact that I didn't shed a tear at the funeral. So this will be one of these situations where I have to act out emotions I have no understanding of just for the sake of seeming normal

I never met my friend's brother, yet something tells me that there's some sort of social expectation that I go. But yet the thought of going to look at the dead body of someone I never met is just weird. I seem to recall a line up of family members and everyone walked up, shook their hands or gave them a hug (this will be the hardest for me) and then went up to the casket, and eventually sat down. But I have no idea if this is standard at a funeral, I would think it is though.

Anyone have any tips on how to handle this? What kinds of things are expected of a visitor at a funeral? If I were to just not show up would that be a hugely offensive thing to do?

people were bothered by the fact u didn't cry at the funeral? Not everyone does.

I haven't been to any funerals with an open casket before.

I guess if u go to a funeral of someone that a friend knew, all u can do is shake hands and provide them a shoulder to cry on if they need one.

Autisticon, this maybe to late but I'll post it anyway just in case.

I understand how you feel and the stress it's causing you. But try to set that aside for now and consider your friend and the sadness he no doubt is experiencing.

If I were in your place, I would go to support my friend. I would tell him I was sorry for his loss, I am here if he needs me and then quietly observe. I wouldn't feel I had to make any show of emotions that wasn't natural. I wouldn't feel I had to make conversation. It's your presence that's important.

Try not to feel pressured and stressed by the thought of it and just go and be there for him.

Taupey

I have the feeling that I would be the only one crying at a funeral, because everyone that I know, is so callous.

I did not end up going. I fought with myself up to the last minute and then bailed. Walking into a building full of people I dont know is already an extremely difficult task, but all this on top of it was too much.

I've been to a number of funerals in my life--pretty much all of them involving open casket. The closest person to me that has passed away was my paternal grandmother. I cried a little at her funeral after taking a look at her body one last time.